(Closed) Question about SO buying a house before we are married…

posted 6 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
4031 posts
Honey bee

@Stranger516:  Hmm…interesting. Can you be added after you get married? I would find it a little odd that you wouldn’t be on the mortgage after marriage.

ETA: You do need to live somewhere and while it is “his” mortgage, I wouldn’t see it that unfair to pay towards it. You would either be paying rent to a landlord or to him. So in reality, if you are going to live there, I think it makes sense that you help him pay. Unless you would live somewhere else before getting married.

Post # 4
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Stranger516:  you can get the loan and the mortgage both put under both your names once you’re married or employed. Honestly, this is the best option if he’s paying the whole mortgage now

ETA: I should add that I did this very thing with my house and my Fiance of many years. I am newly gainfully employed and he was still in graduate school. Our loan officer said it can actually hurt FI’s credit to be on the mortgage but not on the loan. We know we’re in it for the long haul so there were no worries. He will be added to the mortgage and loan once he gets a job. 


Post # 5
11422 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I completely agree with your objection to investing any money into a mortgage that is not in your name. 

Once you are married, however, I would recommend that you add your name to the mortgage so that you are listed as a co-owner of the home that you share with your Darling Husband.

Post # 6
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Agree with PPs about adding your name to the mortgage/deed after you are married, if your SO is up for it.

I own my condo but I’m not putting my SO’s name on it after we’re married because it’s mine; I found it, I put the down payment, I took out a mortgage, I renovated it, etc. He’ll contribute when he moves in but it doesn’t change the fact that I bought it. We will buy a house together down the road and this condo will turn into a rental that will benefit both of us down the line. But that’s as close as he will ever come to “owning” my condo.

ETA: I was in escrow when we started dating. He found out that I actually owned the condo about 6 months in. Maybe if we were in a serious relationship when I bought it and he knew/could help me with some of the stress of everything it might’ve been different.

Post # 7
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We are buying a house shortly and it will be under FI’s name exclusively. Once we are married, my name will be added to it.

Post # 8
14658 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You can add your name to the deed pretty easily I believe, but you cannot just add your name to the mortgage… you’d have to refinance, which may not be a good financial move in the future.  So if I were him, even after married,theres no way I’d add someone to the deed without getting them on the hook for the mortgage too.   Would this be a starter home?  Would you guys sell in the future and buy a new one?  That may be easiest, then this home would be “his” and you guys can buy a new one together in a few years.  Otherwise… why not buy together and help pay the mortgage together?  I imagine if you don’t own now, you must be paying rent to someone?

Post # 10
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Stranger516:  Ugh…I just hate the idea of people owning homes together before they are married. I’m sure it works out just great for many couples but when things go bad it can be a nightmare. I have been in two serious relationships (current relationship included) where my SO owned a home with their ex’s long after the breakup because neither could afford to buy the other out and selling was a poor option. It is literally the only thing tying these people together still and every time the mortgage comes up for renewal it causes me stress and anxiety and resentment. Little rant over. 

So ya…can’t you just be added to the mortgage after marriage and maybe in the meantime you can handle utility payments as those would have to be paid no matter where you and your man live??

Post # 11
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Stranger516:  to the deed. mortgage eventually if/when we refinance.

Post # 12
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you should try and get him to wait a bit until you have a committment but I wouldn’t wait until your loans are paid off.  It’s OK to have loans and a mortgage…they are both “good debt”.

Post # 13
527 posts
Busy bee

Why not buy a house together now so you both are on the deed and mortgage? Of course, I would only suggest this if the relationship is very stable! You both plan to get married at some point, and you mutually agree to do this (though personally, I would be apprehensive about doing such because let’sdeface it, you never know for sure that things will work out as you currently plan … Then again, getting married is no guarantee either). Granted, you having student loans will count toward your debt to income ratio (used to determine how much you qualify for) but it’s not inconceivable to do this. But this IS a good time to buy a house – rates are the lowest in history, and housing prices along with the interest rates are also lower due to the economy. If he is trying to capitalize on this timinghead is financially able to, he IS a smart cookie.

Also, just to make sure you are clear on some things – the mortgage is the financial tool to buy the house, and states who is responsible for making the payments. The deed conveys ownership. They are two separate things with different purposes. It is possible to be on the deed but not the mortgage, so maybe that is an option to pursue if your student loans would impede the mortgage process. It might be worthwhile to consult with a real estate attorney (not a realtor) about your options and implications of those options.

Post # 15
8178 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Stranger516:  “I told him that I would have a problem contributing to the mortgage payments on “HIS” house” — you have to pay someone something, don’t you? 

I agree withPPs – have your name put on once you’re married, but if you’re living in the house, it’s pretty ballsy to say you’re not going to pay anything until then. 

Post # 16
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Stranger516:  I dont see anything wrong with putting his name on things and when married, have you added to the deed. If you were to refinance, you could then add your name to the mortgage as well.

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