Post # 1
long story kind of short, my father and i are not speaking. it has been 5 months now. he is not invited to the wedding.
do i still include him in the program under parents of the bride or just list my mother?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t include him. My grandmother wasn’t able to make it, so I just listed my grandfather. I didn’t want people to see her name and wonder where she was or if something had happened. I thought it just made the most sense to list the people who were present than to have some sort of a mystery. That being said, there’s a lot that could change (without knowing the story) between now and May, so I wouldn’t rush to print your programs just yet.
Post # 4
tough question. it all depends on so many things…..
I feel like i would have to know the reason for not speaking and if you for see you and your dad speaking again…
Post # 5
I’m in a somewhat similar situation. I haven’t had a close relationship with my mother for 15 + years. I will be inviting her to the wedding, not sure if she will be able to attend, but I feel that based on our strained relationship, she does not deserve the honor of being listed as Mother of the Bride. In my eyes, she is just an invited guest.
If you feel that it is important to acknowledge him in some way, I think the simplest way would be in the program. However, if he’s not invited, then I do not think it’s necessary.
Post # 6
Honestly, if you think there’s a chance you two will reconnect, I would go ahead and add him. I don’t know what’s happened, though. If it feels wrong to you to include him, then certainly don’t. I think this is something only you will know the answer to.
Post # 7
IF you think you two might reconcile down the track i would include him and if people ask you respond that he couldnt make it – afterall if you can reconcile then not including him might make the issues bigger by hurt feelings
if you think the relationship is damaged beyond repair then i would exclude im
tough call for you
Post # 8
not totally comfortable sharing with strangers but the jist of it is this:
at 21 i am a young bride. my father has been in and out of my life. he has chosen his girlfriends over me. he comes around when it is convenient for him. it used to bother me more so when i was younger because i used to think there was something wrong with me (and i am his only child). now that i am older it still bothers me but no where near as much. i do not think about him on a day to day basis. as of july we had a good thing going on. regular phone calls and i would see him occasionally. we talked on the phone one night and he said he’d call me the next day and then with no notice he never called again.
now if some of you are wondering if i called him, the answer is no. even as a child i was always the one who had to fix things between us. i had to be the mature responsible adult at age 12, 13 and 14 yrs old and so on and make the amends. so i decided this time the ball was in his court.
as i said, he was in and out of my life growing up so i never got to know his side of the family. i knew a couple aunts and uncles and my fathers mother and father and thats all…so, to make matters worse, a few years back during one of our “not talking” streaks, my grandfather passed away and my father didnt feel the need to tell me. and this past september my uncle lost his battle with cancer and again my father couldnt pick up the phone and call me. my mother found out through facebook and told me.
i graduated a year early at age 16. he was invited to my graduation. he just never showed up.
i cant help but think that is he’s caused me so much pain and agony and his behavior never changes, why would i want him there on the most important day of my life? would he disappoint me? would i end up in tears? the person who gives you away should be someone who deserves it. and in my opinion he doesnt.
some of you may think i should reach out as he is my one and only father and as much as i would love to have a father to walk me down the aisle, in my opinion a father is someone who is there for you unconditionally. all the time. not just when it is convenient for him. a father is someone you can count on. and he hasnt been that for me.
my mother was the one constant in my life. she was never afraid to tell me no and be the parent. she didnt try (or need to) make up for lost time by buying me presents and gifts all the time. she never made me cry all the time. she’s never left me wondering when i’d see her again or hear her voice.
my mother has been both parents in my life and she will be walking me down the aisle.
sorry so long guys! you just opened a flood gate =)
Post # 10
Wow with your history, I wouldn’t include him on your program or invite him either! I wouldn’t want someone there who only wanted to be involved in your life when it was good for him.
Post # 11
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: ok good too see someone doesnt think im being too unreasonable. thannk you