(Closed) Question for all SAHM

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

We had a lot of conversations about this before I quit my job, and basically our compromise was that a) I would only be staying at home for a limited amount of time and b) I would take over all of the household stuff (cleaning, cooking, errands, appointments, etc…) so that he wouldn’t have to worry about those things and could concentrate on work and spening time with us.  As it is, he actually does a lot around the house and with the kids, even those areas are “my” responsibility.

I don’t feel guilty, and I don’t think he feels stressed.  Both of us have equal responsibilities (in different areas) and we both to make financial sacrifices to make this work.  It’s a team effort right now, we just have different roles.

Post # 4
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

First of all it’s not ALL on his shoulders….. so I would re-frame your thinking.

 

Sure – EARNING is his responsibility.  But saving, budgeting, running the home, raising your child(ren) etc.  That’s all YOU.  At least typically anyway.

Hopefully, the TWO of you sat down and talked about what it would take to have the family *situation* you wanted.  Then, you BOTH made that happen.  In your case it sounds like that included you being the primary caregiver.  But that’s not unlike dual income families.  It’s not *easier* either way.  It’s just a different set of guilt and *stuff* to juggle.

 

So ideally there *should* be NO guilt.  Or at least no MORE guilt than HE has for getting to go to work and talk to adults all day and cut the time he spends with the baby to only at night.  etc.  See where I’m going?  You each have to try and see how the OTHER person has it.

 

Post # 7
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@roxy821:  Has he said that he feels like he’s doing more work?  Ideally, both of you would recognize and appreciate all the work each person does, but sometimes it’s easy to get so wrapped up in yourself, you forget your partner’s contributions.  Maybe you just need some time to talk and reconnect.  🙂  Life is busy (especially with kids!) so you have to make the time to be together, even if it means other less important stuff (laundry, cleaning, yardwork, etc…) doesn’t get done.

Post # 9
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agreee with the above posts. Having a baby regardless of if your staying home or not is a lot of work and a lo of new added stresses. Though I am thankful and greatful for my Darling Husband working hard and supporting us, he is equally as thankful for me caring for our child. I cook, clean, laundry most of the time, but I would say 1 or 2 times out of the week I just don’t get everything done that I need to and the house is a mess or we need to order out and that is totally fine with me and my Darling Husband. 

He knows that staying home is just as hard as going to work and making money. He sees that I am up at 5:45/6 with a wild, ready to play, on the move baby and he feels bad that he is leaving me. We both play our roles but we also help each other.

Just because someone stays home doesn’t mean the full responsiblity of the house and family falls mainly on that person. Raising a child at home is a full time job.

I think if your Darling Husband feels stressed that is totally normal, it’s an adjustment that you have to go through. We went through it for the first 2 months when we had our baby. We needed to figure out a system and what worked. There are some days that I am so beyond stressed from dealing with a cranky baby all day with no break, those are the days that my Darling Husband picks up dinner and lets me go take a bath while he gets the baby ready for bed.  There are some days my Darling Husband is so stressed from work and sitting in traffic., those days I stay on duty until the baby goes to bed. It’s a compromise and it you need to communicate. 

 

 

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