Question for Catholic bees about raising a child in the church

posted 3 months ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
725 posts
Busy bee

My parents never forced my brother and I to go to church, but did make sure we had our scraments up to confirmation. It makes me feel sick that the bishop that confirmed me was involved in one of the sex abuse cases. I could never be a part of an organization that does nothing about the molestation and emotional damage of thousands of children. My dad was raised Catholic but no longer attented or believes. I never attended unless forced to to get confirmed and I am Agnostic.

I am thankful that my parents let my brother and I develop our own thoughts on faith and spirituality.

However, I do get the point of community so have you ever thought of a non-denominational church? A church that still focuses on your god but it is not under the Catholic hypocrasy? Still get that community and teachings but with more acceptance and less judgement.

Post # 32
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

anonbee3584 :  Wait….you can’t adopt if you are a cancer survivor, that blows my mind, I’ve never heard of this.

Post # 33
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

I’m Catholic, and as a progressive, I have an issue with several of the Church’s teachings. However, I have yet to find another church or denomination that I am 100% in agreement with, so I “stay” Catholic because that’s where I am most comfortable. And I think it is 100% appropriate to raise your children in an environment where they can come to know God but still have true, honest, and open discussions regarding their own beliefs, even if those beliefs don’t align with their denomination.

I wanted to add that while the Catholic church opposes IVF it would never condemn the parents or the child for same. In 1978, Cardinal Albino Luciani (who later became Pope Justice of the Peace1) said of Louise Brown (“the first test tube baby”): “From every side the press is sending its congratulations to the English couple and best wishes to their baby girl. In imitation of God, who desires and loves human life, I too offer my best wishes to the baby girl. As for her parents, I do not have any right to condemn them; subjectively, if they have acted with the right intention and in good faith, they may even obtain great merit before God for what they have decided on and asked the doctors to carry out […] Getting down, however, to the act in itself, and good faith aside, the moral problem which is posed is: is extrauterine fertilization in vitro or in a test tube, licit? […] I do not find any valid reasons to deviate from this norm, by declaring licit the separation of the transmission of life from the marriage act.” 

Post # 34
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

anonbee3584 :  I am not a IVF baby, but I was an illegitimate child.  My parents were separated before my christening.

As a Catholic raised in several Catholic churches and Catholic school, I never felt unwelcome or illegitimate.   No one ever made me feel bad about the circumstances of my conception, which were probably more obvious to the community than an IVF baby is.  I can only speak to my experience, but it was a very positive one. 

That said, I don’t want to baptise my children in the Catholic Church either for other reasons, namely the widespread abuse of children.  I’m currently assessing my options for a church community I would be happy to join (dh doesn’t care at all)

I think this isn’t just up to your husband.  I think you are well within your rights to feel uncomfortable with a particular church and your reasons are valid, and that means that the two of you need to find a compromise.  

 

Post # 35
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

anonbee3584 :  Just wanted to follow this thread as I am in a simular boat. My husband is the cancer survivor but we were able to sperm bank before treatment and now have a daughter via ivf. He is catholic and me protestant. He wants to baptize our daughter catholic and I was all on board and even considered becoming catholic but when I read their stance on IVF it has given us reservations. It seems the stance is they will accept the child and forgive the parents if they acknowledge they sinned. We dont feel we sinned at all so we are not ok with this. However my good friend talked to her priest and he seems to feel ivf is ok of you use all the embryos I am confused exactly how the catholic church feels about this. I do want our daughter baptized but we want it to be in a church who welcomes her. Anyways I am sorry I do not have any advice but just wanted to say I can relate and hope you get some great advice!! Comgrats on your pregancy! Also agreed….adoption is alot harder if you are a cancer survivor. Not impossible but much harder!! 

Post # 36
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

vanessalynn22 :  Chiming in as my husband is a cancer survivor.  You can adopt if you are a cancer survivor but it is more challenging.  Some countries automatically count you out. Also many cancers are not considered cured…even if the cancer never come back doctors cant guarantee it wont so it will be listed as not cured. You can imagine when mothers who are searching for a home for their child for adoption…when they see cancer is incurable…..how many moms do you think would pick that couple? Not saying they wouldnt….but it makes it that much harder. Like I said some adoption agencies count you out and wont even consider you. Also most make you wait until you are 5 years remission before even being allowed to start the adoption process which…is usually lengthy. Anyways….we were in a similar boat as op and did ivf to conceive. We did look into adoption and ivf was way way less expensive!!  I think adoption is beautiful option….but sadly not near as easy as people think. I’m sure people find ways to adopt if they are a cancer survivor…..I cant imagine it was easy though. But yeah it blow my mind as well when I looked into it!!

Post # 37
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

lisaeversman :  You do realise like 95percent of people that get communion every week aren’t “in communion with church teaching”?

Post # 38
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

I’m Catholic, liberal, and there are many many things I disagree with the church in.

At the end of the day I consider my self “culturally catholic” and I suspect your husband feels similarly. 

I’ve never been able to switch to another church because the things I’m most attached to seem to be exclusively catholic. Specifically, some of the rituals that I find soothing – such as the rosary – don’t seem to be a thing in other Christian religions. Also, my favorite prayers and images are of Mary. I just connected with her more so than Jesus. Looking back I think I was attracted to her being a female figure. My understanding of other Christian churches is that they don’t really pray to Mary. I also enjoyed learning about saints and their good works – I don’t believe other churches have saints or revere them in the same way. Im

Hopefully this was food for thought, on things the Catholic Church provides that I wouldn’t get elsewhere. 

Post # 39
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

nattywed :  just chiming in to say that other Christian denominations absolutely have saints. Saints play a huge role in Eastern Orthodoxy (which has PLENTY of its own issues but at least priests are allowed to be married), and they’re also recognized by the Episcopal church. 

this site has useful info on the major differences and similarities btw the Catholic and Episcopalian churches in case anyone’s interested: http://www.differencebetween.net/miscellaneous/religion-miscellaneous/difference-between-episcopalian-and-catholic/

“The Episcopalians also believe in saints; they’ve even named some of their churches after them. But in their point of view, it is not right to worship false idols. They recognize saints as holy people to be honored, but do not pray to them. They do, however, include the saints in their prayers addressed to God in thanks for providing them with good examples which they call saints.”

Post # 40
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am Catholic and my husband is evangelical. I sent my children to private catholic school and it was wonderful. During that time, I also got divorced and remarried twice. It’s not like my kids’ teachers had any idea. Lots of divorced families and illegitimate kids in the mix at school. Catholicism isn’t as much “in your business” as evangelical churches, in my experience. 

Post # 41
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

barbyq :  I know, it’s so sad!  May God have mercy on us at the final judgment.

1 Corinthians 11:27
So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.

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