(Closed) Question for ladies who did or will be taking FI’s last name

posted 6 years ago in Paper
  • poll: Would you rather be addressed in a formal invitation as:
    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith : (60 votes)
    52 %
    Jane and John Smith : (52 votes)
    45 %
    Other (please specify) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    In general, I would prefer to get a letter to John and Jane Smith, but since you’re talking about a formal invitation, I voted for “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”.  It’s the formality of the occasion that changes it for me.

    Post # 4
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    For a formal invite: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

    Post # 6
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I love seeing envelopes addressed to Mr. and Mrs. My Dear Husband. 🙂 I think that you’ll find that most of us bees who did choose to take our DH’s last names would not mind at all (and, in fact most of us probably will enjoy!) receiving a formal invitation addressed in that manner. That is how I addressed all of my invitations to — and the escort cards for — married couples, unless the wife had kept her maiden name or had hyphenated her name. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I really would not mind, but I voted for the traditional “Mr and Mrs”

    Post # 8
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I don’t like the Mr and Mrs John Smith just because…well my name isn’t John Smith. I’d be the new Mrs Jane Smith and would prefer to be addressed as such!! So when I take my hubby’s last name it’ll be Mr. John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith. Even Mr. and Mrs Smith would work for me.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You could do “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith”. Maybe not as traditional, but accomplishes all the same goals and doesn’t leave anyone out!

    Post # 10
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I will always prefer to be addressed by our own first names, e.g. John and Jane Smith.

    I realize you said formal, but I prefer to be addressed/address people by name, no matter the circumstances. I’ll admit I find the whole “Mr and Mrs John Smith” thing totally creepy.

    Post # 11
    Member
    11356 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Just a note to respond to the PPs who said that they would prefer to be called “Mrs. Jane Smith.”  The OP would like to use formal, proper, social tities.  Unfortunately, what you suggested (though MANY people wrongly do this routinely) would not be considered a proper social title, as a woman cannot be considered to be a “Mrs.” her own first name.  She is, however, able to refer to herself properly as “Ms.” Jane Smith. Unless she goes by Mrs. John Smith or simply Mrs. Smith, the Mrs. title cannot properly be used. Instead, for anyone who would be offended at the thought of seeing “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith,” the OP could choose to omit the courtesy titles altogether on that envelope and simply address it to “John and Jane Smith.” I do not know the following for certain, but she also MAY be able to use the format approved for couples with different last names, which would be to use two lines and address the envelope to “Ms. Jane Smith” on the first line and the words “and Mr. John Smith” on the second line.

    ETA:  I just checked the Crane website, and I wanted to amend my above comment by noting that, if a woman is divorced and has maintained her ex-husband’s last name, she is able to be addressed as “Mrs. Jane Smith.”  In this case, she also has the option of choosing a “Ms.” title. I know this wasn’t the OP’s question, but I just wanted to be sure to amend my post accordingly. For anyone who is not yet familiar with it, the Crane Blue Book is really the best source for all of this information.  The link to some of the content available online is: http://www.crane.com/etiquette/wedding/

    Post # 12
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @AmeliaBedelia: My thoughts exactly. I addressed all of our invitations to John and Jane Smith, “formal” etiquette be damned. I understand the sentiment behind the proper format, but the whole Mrs. John Smith thing kind of creeps me out.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I really like “mr and mrs john smith”, but that’s just me. I know a lot of girls who are hurt if they don’t see their own name there.

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    6892 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @misspeanut: Exactly. I’m not particularly traditional in the first place, so perhaps that’s part of it. Also… I DO feel offended when my name is left off, proper etiquette or not. It is, in fact, my name. That I have had for X years of my life and people know me by. I’ll never refer to myself as “Mrs S___ M____y.” <–FI’s name. Never ever.

    And honestly OP, do whatever YOU want to, it doesn’t actually matter in the scheme of things. Some people will be etiquette sticklers, others may be a bit put-off by not seeing their own (female) name on the invite. There is really no perfect way to go about it. You know your audience. 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I MUCH prefer to be addressed as Jane and John Smith. I kind of hate the “Mr. and Mrs.” (a lot) but I accept that its the “proper” way and I don’t get upset when I get invites addressed that way. 

    Although it does kind of annoy me that my mom insists on addressing things to us as Mr. and Mrs. even after I told her I don’t like it… but whatever. Habits die hard i guess. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would be annoyed if my name wasn’t on there. Traditional or not!!! It’s 2011 after all.

    The topic ‘Question for ladies who did or will be taking FI’s last name’ is closed to new replies.

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