Post # 1
I’m currently on maternity leave with my new baby but when I go back to work it’ll be to a different area than I currently live in, different to my husband, so my husband and I plan to move. We have 3 main options and I’m wondering which moms would prefer? I’ve never worked and had a child to look after so I’m not sure which would be best.
live close to my husbands work in a large city (He has much longer hours). Would mean at least an hour commute each way for me (probably closer to 1.5 hours) so I would be gone from 7am to 7pm mon-fri at least and some evenings So i wouldn’t see much of my baba during the week and rent is very expensive. Also my husband wouldn’t be able to provide childcare reliably due to work demands. we have no family here to help out either.
Live close to my work, rent and childcare is cheaper here (small town) and I’d be able to see my bambino more. Downside is my husband would probably need to spend some weeknights near his work because his hours are long and his job is very demanding. Upside is my parents are only 15 mins away and very helpful.
live somewhere in between and both commute but the potential areas are less nice and my parents would be less convenient. But we’d be able to spend most nights together as a family.
This is totally crap but will last for 2.5 years until I finish my training, then I’ll be able to move pretty much wherever. He is also training and will finish around the same time but he’ll need to stay in the city with his job so I’ll eventually move closer to the city. I’m leaning towards option 2 (mainly so I’ll see more of my baby and be closer to my family) but I know he’d love to be with us all the time. and if we get set up in the city we’ll probably be there longer overall. But 2.5 years is a long time to be doing a terrible commute and not seeing my daughter during the week. There is potential to take parental leave and work a 4 day week but it will prolong my training by 20%.
Luckily I don’t have to decide until after Christmas but I’m wanting some impartial mommy opinions! Thanks a million ladies!
Post # 2
I am not a mom yet (preggo), though I am a mom to furbabies lol. I choose option #3 because personally for DH and me, time together as a family is paramount to all else. The idea of having a baby and having him be away overnight several nights a week for 2.5 yrs would totally bum both of us out.
Post # 3
I have three children and I’ve always worked full time plus travel. For me it would come down to who gets the call from daycare/school in the middle of a workday when a child is sick. If it’s you, or if your parents would cover I’d go for Option #2 hands down. (That dreaded call always seems to come when I’m on a tight deadline somehow.) If there is a possibility you may have another child before you can move–even more support for Option #2–parental help is a big, big factor.
If your DH can truly share equally in pickups, drop offs, child sick emergencies, etc. I would consider Option #3.
Post # 4
Definitely not option 1.
How long is your husband’s workday? For option 2, how many nights per week would he be away? I’m thinking if he’d be at work late anyway (coming home after baby is in bed) and it would only be like 2 nights away from home per week, it might be worth it.
Having a 6-month old, I can say that for me, spending as much time as possible with my baba is pretty much my top priority every day. I didn’t expect it to be as big of a thing as it is for me. Her daycare is 12 minutes from my office, I’m even able to go during my lunch break to feed her and play with her a little, and even then, I’m constantly racing out the door at the end of the day to get back to her as soon as I can.
Also, having help from parents makes SUCH a difference.
Post # 5
I would want my kid close to me and the shortest possible commute. I’d go with option 2.
Post # 6
I totally agree about help being so important! I don’t know what I would’ve done without my mom so far! Also the point about who would take the call from the childminder is excellent and something i hadnt considered. It would almost definitely be me because he wouldnt be in a position to leave work (either would I really but it would be somewhat easier for me). And drop offs and pick ups would more likely be me more often because my job is more predictable. For example he could get stuck with an emergency and be 3 hours late home, or he might have to work overnight at short notice. Im still leaning towards option 2 as i’d have a much greater support network (especially in times of sickness etc) but I just feel bad that he won’t get to spend as much time with our girl – he is amazing with her and so hands on when he’s here and I don’t want him to miss out, nor does he. And if we’re going to be in the city long term then maybe I’d better suck it up and get established there. Stupid work!!!
Post # 7
a spare set of hands in the form of grandparents is a godsend with small children. For that reason I would pick option 2.
Post # 8
Im not a parent but i would chose #2 if i was.
Post # 9
I have 2 kids and I’d definitely say #2.
Post # 10
#2 for sure!!! I have a 6 month old and you definitely do NOT want to be commuting for hours a day knowing you could be at home with your baby.
Post # 11
Thanks for the opinions ladies, great to get some perspective on the situation! 😘
Post # 12
Option 2 and factor special family nights as part of this and some time for yourself as well if your husband has a night or two away each week.
Post # 13
I’d pick 2, baby comes first for us.