Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor (well, I haven’t asked her yet, but she will be!) is a size 14/16 and on the shorter size (so she looks a little bigger than if she were taller, does that make sense?), and I want to be sensitive of/flatter her figure as much as possible in choosing dresses, etc. (Even flowers; I’m planning to DIY our bouquets and had originally thought of doing smaller bouquets, like 7 roses, for my BMs but kind of feel like smaller bouquets make everyone look bigger, ya know?)
Anyway, the point of my rambling is this: I am not a very tactful person. I try to use tact, but I usually end up failing.
So when it comes to talking with my friend while dress shopping, planning, etc., how is it best for me to appropriately sensitive, and what’s too much/rude/etc.?
Have you ever had someone say something that they maybe meant to be encouraging or helpful but it really wasn’t? Because that’s what I’m terrified of and desperately want to avoid.
I’m not tiny myself (I wear an 8 usually and don’t really have curves to speak of; more shaped like a boy it feels like somedays, much to my chagrin), but have never been ‘big’ either (I maxed out in college at a 12, and was only there a few months) so I can’t empathize very well I’m afraid 🙁
Post # 3
Well why don’t you just start out asking her what kind of dress she would want to wear? Are you going to make them all wear the same dress or are you open to having different cuts of dress in the same color? I think, if you’re worried that your Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be uncomfortable, you should maybe go the different cuts of dress route. I think there is a tactful way to just say HEY I’ve been thinking about the dresses and trying to figure out what cuts will be flattering for everyone – do you have a preference?
Post # 4
Kittyachi’s approach is right on!
Also, I think the biggest thing is not to gush over a certain dress or designer that might not have a size big enough to fit your Maid/Matron of Honor – this will just make her feel bad – even if it is inadvertent on your part. For example, this happened to my best friend. She wears a street size 14/16 and she was in a wedding. All the other bridesmaids were size 2-8. THe Maid/Matron of Honor showed the bride the J.Crew line and the Bride LOVED it! My poor friend had to explain to her (in front of all the other bridesmaids) that the Bride could not pick that line of dresses because they don’t make dresses big enough for her. She was so humiliated and, on top of that, she fel tbad for “ruining” the brides’ vision. 🙁
Post # 5
My suggestion would be that you have each bridesmaid try on and take pictures in…dresses they feel would be flattering to their figures and come in a range of sizes. Then you can pick which one you think flatters them all the most.
Post # 6
I would ask all your BMs what silhouette/neckline they feel best in, and go from there. I think she’ll feel best if you don’t single her out, but still take her into consideration, you know?
Post # 7
i agree with above… but as someone who is a 14/16 i can tell you that wrap styles and rouching (sp?) usually get an A 🙂
Post # 8
i’m a 14/16 and well ummm you commented in the post that shows what ruching can do for ya :P… i am all for ruching and a great cut on a dress. i don’t abide by the put her in a tent she’s huge philosophy (i know you don’t either, i’m just saying). i usually flaunt all of my curves because i LOVE them. i think you can ask her if she wants to show off her great curvy shape or if she’d prefer being a bit more modest. you can also go dress shopping just you and her. M’s sister is a tad bit larger than me (think a dress size or so) and the rest of my bridesmaids are skinny minnies (sizes 00-6) so I am definitely taking everyone into consideration, and it was the reason i tried on the bridesmaid dress that I did. i want everyone to exude sex goddess-ness when they walk down the aisle lol!! here’s a visual of the bm dress that i love.
Post # 9
@crebre…who makes that Bridesmaid or Best Man dress if you don’t mind me asking. I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my sister’s wedding and I am working hard to convince her to let us wear black instead of canary yellow. I do not want to look like the magic schoolbus coming down the aisle. I told her she can pick up the yellow in the flowers or maybe in a sash or something.
Post # 10
@ja: alfred angelo and it’s sooo flattering!!! if the straps were altered appropriately you could really see how well it fit, i LOVE IT.. but err i love yellow lol!! i wear it all the time so i’d think that was fun, and i don’t think you’d look like a school bus, more like a ray of sunshine 😀
Post # 11
thanks ladies! I’ll make sure to ask all the girls what kind of dress flatters them best 🙂
Post # 12
I am a full-sized bride myself, so I can empathize with my curvy bridesmaids. Plus, I’ve been in weddings where the brides didn’t even CONSIDER the shapes of their bridesmaids and it showed!…so its awesome that you are considering your Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Fifty percent of my bridesmaids wear a size 18+ so before we even scheduled a time to go dress shopping, I did a little research and picked out 5 styles that would flatter them ALL. I saw some dresses that would have worked on a few of them, but would have left the rest feeling uncomfy. Just hint…empire waist lines work magic on juicy tummies! Be careful with materials…David’s Bridal has a jersey material on some free flowing dresses that looked suprisingly flattering on my curvier girls.
I’d say the rule of thumb is limit their options and stay in control. Otherwise you will have 3 different requests and no middle ground. Good luck!
Post # 13
I have girls in my Wedding Party from a 0 up to a size 18. I was way to stressing about what style would look good on them all. So I ended up going with the seperate pieces. I picked the color and the bottom of the dress that they all would have, then I let them go out and pick whatever top they were comfortable in. They all are having different tops, but they are all happy and comfortable since they got to have a say. That and the fact that they are paying for the dresses themselves I feel a lot better about them getting to pick themselves. I know my girls are REALLY happy about that! And it was a stress reliever for me to not have to choose!
Post # 14
My Maid/Matron of Honor (and only attendant) is full figured, and I let her pick out whatever dress she felt best in. Honestly, I would have done that no matter her size, but she brought up how she would wear whatever I wanted but she was worried that I might pick something that doesn’t fit her body. She found a beautiful dress at Davids Bridal. I want one!
Post # 15
I had a whole range of figure types in my party too. I just decided to pick out a designer and a fabric/color (pomegranate red) and let every girl pick out a dress that they liked. All of them loved it, since they could pick something that they could wear again.
Another big help was that I had them pick a cocktail length dress. I usually think those are universally flattering and wearable.
Post # 16
Bill Levkoffs 372 or 874 are PERFECT for every size.
I have size 0-22 in my bridal party and it looks great on everyone. I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who is an F-cup and she couldn’t do strapless so these straps are nice and they can go off-the-shoulder too. There’s ruching and it’s perfect length – you can go shorter too (cocktail). 874 is taffeta and 372 is satin but they are the same dress. Also, all of my BMs agreed that it was perfect…I had no problems convincing them. 🙂 I’m a size 16 too and I would even want to wear that dress 🙂