(Closed) Question for not-yet mothers..

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@becky2_1_4: My BIL had his first baby last year.  It was so exciting and is still exciting to see him grow up.  Sometimes I feel like we want a baby but I know we aren’t ready yet.  We mainly deal with it by seeing him whenever we can.  Another thing that helps us remember we aren’t ready is watching them deal with the not so fun parts of having a child (lack of sleep, changing diapers, etc).  I know in a few years those things will be worth dealing with but right now we don’t have the money plus we want to travel.  Just spend as much time as you can with the babies and remind yourself why you’re waiting. 

Post # 4
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Honestly, I’m not dealing with it very well. :/  I surf mommy blogs and forums.  I just keep reminding myself why waiting is best for us and what I hope to achieve in the meantime.  For example, focussing on being healthier and actually following through.  Putting my heart into something like that rather than hoping for a child.  But again, I’m not doing too well.  It’s especially difficult when more and more friends and family are having children, but again, we’re not them and we’ll have our children when it’s best for us!  Good luck to you!

Post # 5
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

We’ve just been focussing on our relationship and personal goals. We both finished our undergrad degrees, and now I’m doing my masters. We also just got a puppy, which has been good preparation (lots of waking up in the middle of the night, cleaning up after messes, having less personal time, etc.). I am in my 30s, and feel like I’ve waited long enough, so we’ll probably seriously consider children next year after we’re married.

There comes a point where you have to decide if you want to scratch the itch or not, and there is definitely a time frame for it, IMO. It’s easier to recareer at 50 than it is to start a family, for example. 😉

Post # 6
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just think about how much money I would end up spending on the kid and the itch goes away!

Post # 7
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I got the “itch” really bad about a year and a half ago. It seemed like all of our friends were having babies and I just really wanted to start a family. We are in no way prepared for a baby (in our minds) but we are more prepared than any one of our friends were. I was happy for everyone but definitly kept my distance from their babies, because that just fueled my fire of wanting one. I shed some tears too. But I kept making myself think of everything I would have to give up to have a baby, like lazy days sleeping in, and all the time we get to spend just the two of us, picking up and going out of town whenever we want. I know having a baby doesn’t stop all these thing from happening but reminding myself of stuff like this really helped me. My favorite is when I get up for work at 5:45am and tell myself if I had a baby I would have to get up even earlier, prob everyday, and not only take care of the dogs, the cat, and my husband but a baby too….just sound like a lot work for 5:45am. You have to make the right choice for you as a couple. We have been together 7 years and are just now getting to that piont that we are ready to start a family.

Post # 9
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m kind of in the same boat as yourself. My BIL is expecting their first in October, and this will be my IL’s first grandchild. My Darling Husband and I are the oldest and I always thought we would be the first but that wasn’t the case. I’m watching my Mother-In-Law get excited about the ultrasound pics and appts and the clothes and all the ‘firsts’ that I feel that will be somewhat taken away from us. I’m dealing with it a lot better now and am truly trying my hardest to be happy for them, but there’s always that part of me feel a bit of jealousy. 

Post # 11
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yep I know exactly how you feel. I watch Teen Mom/16 and Pregnant and think “I want a baby!!”, which is the opposite of the point of that show (but I’m also not 16). My friends think I’m crazy because they are all single and aren’t anywhere near ready for a baby (I’m 25). My FI’s friends on the other hand are all newlyweds (he’s 31) so they are all trying to conceive and I know it’s going to be hard to see them all having babies, especially since I don’t think we are going to be ready to start a family for about five years. Financially we could handle it (we are comfortable and already own a home), but career-wise I feel like it would hold me back at this point because I’m applying to MBA programs for 2012 and then I want to work for about 2 years in management consulting, which involves travelling about 4 days a week. It’s hard to know I’m ready NOW and I have so long to wait, and I’m also worried if we wait much longer than that it will be too late (my mom had me at 32 and it took her two full years to conceive).

Post # 13
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@becky2_1_4: I think what will annoy me the most is when I get pregnant, everything will be compared to them. I somewhat hope I have uncontrollable pregnancy hormones which actually makes me say what I think!

Post # 14
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Lindsay05:  I have this same exact feeling. I already sense a comparison between weddings with my Mother-In-Law.  I know she’s going to be all about the advice from her oldest daughter 🙁  And I get a sense that if we choose to do similar things, she’ll just assume it’s because we got the idea from her. I know it’s immature of me to think about that, but I already have been “scolded” by her about needing to do things like her oldest daughter.

Post # 15
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Definitely have had the same feelings.

My husband and I will be married a year in August but have been together over 10 years. I always kinda thought I would have the first grandchild of their family. This wasn’t the case and my BIL (husband’s oldest brother) had a girl in 2007. And she was spoiled rotten because she was the first grandchild. So yeah I definitely understand your feelings especially since we both really want kids of our own as well.

But I have learn that we all follow a different schedule and priority. Although no one in his family would bat a eye to us having a child before “marriage” we wanted to be married before having a baby. And now we are TTC and we KNOW that his family and mine will be equally as excited when we have our children. Since it’s been a long time coming! 😉

Best of luck!

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