Post # 1
OK, so I’m curious how you all are navigating the sticky soon-to-be steparent situation? I have a 9 year old boy and my fiance is 5 years younger (no kids of his own). Be honest – do you EVER, even for a moment, miss the simplicity of being a single parent when the only person to focus on was your kid(s)? Most of the time things are great, but sometimes it’s confusing. Do you feel torn sometimes between the people you love most in the world? It is interesting trying to co-parent a child when you know that while you love this kid more than anyone if the world, the other person doesn’t have that same parental attachment…haven’t experienced the baby/toddler yearsperson and had the same 9 years to love this child. Does that sometimes color decisions that are made, or do you worry it will? My Fiance is wonderful and very supportive, and I know he loves my son…but it isn’t the same as how his mom feels obviously. Maybe it’s just that over-protective mom gene (and the fact my son and I were on our own for 5 years before I met FI). Sometimes trying to please them both and feel that I’m being the best mom AND best Fiance…well, it’s tiring lol! Having children together can be complicated as well I know…but it’s so different when only one of you is the actual parent, no? Especially when they haven’t experienced parenting yet so they don’t know the overehelming feelings of love you have for your own children. Things like discipline seem much simpler when they aren’t complicated with a fierce loyalty and love for your kids…and I’ve noticed I have a tendency to be defensive in that regard!! For instance when my Fiance says “I don’t know, I would just ground him for a month if it was MY kid, he would know I meant business (lol – so tough when it’s not your own!) I suppose I am mainly looking for support from those who have experienced these feelings…us former single moms have to stick together!
Post # 3
So, I just found this post. I know that it is old, but I wanted to reply to you. I am in the same boat. My Fiance is 5 years younger & my son is 14. I know it isn’t easy to walk into a teenager. I completely agree & understand what you are saying. I feel the same way. We were on our one for 12 years before Fiance & I got together. I get torn between the two of them sometimes. My FI wants me to be tougher with him when he does something wrong. I do what I feel is right. One thing my mom taught me is that as a parent, you sometimes have to not punish for something MINOR. Fiance thinks anything he does wrong, he should be grounded. I had to lol at the statement that your Fiance made of “I would just ground him for a month if it was MY kid” because my Fiance has said the same exact thing. So just know that you aren’t alone at all!
Post # 4
I agree with both of you. I am in the same situation. My FH is 11yrs young and my daughter is 16. He and I have been together for four years but my daughter and I were flying solo for 10yrs before we met….he says the same thing that she gets off easy but I do believe also that you have to remember when you were that age and him also having a stepparent in his life would need to understand how hard it is to share someone that you have had on your own all your life and now feel like they are being taken away. they are still learning to understand each other even after four years. So it will take sometime…but if he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you he will need to support your decisions in how you raise your son and not contest them.
I explained to my FH over and over how important it is to have a bond with my daughter as well as myself. I am not expecting him to be her dad because she is almost a adult but i do expect him to be a great friend to her and someone she can always rely on.