(Closed) Question for the bees who knew it was coming…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I knew it was coming because we had been talking more and more about our future together, and because I know my Fiance so well that it’s pretty easy for me to tell when he has something planned. He tried his best to make it a surprise, but I could just tell. After he didn’t propose on our trip to Iceland, I knew it was coming when we went up to the area where we went to college and stopped at my college on the way to his.  Even though I was 99.9% sure it was going to happen on our walk around campus, it was still a surreal moment when he actually got down on one knee and asked me.  Honestly, I don’t think you should worry about it. Even if it isn’t a surprise, it will still be an amazing and emotional moment.

Post # 17
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

DH and I talked about marriage about 6 months in to our relationship, but we didn’t marry until 3 years later. I knew a proposal was coming, and I knew exactly when it was happening, just based on intuition. The moment the day started, I knew it was coming. I still bawled like a baby when he asked.  

I think as long as your Fiance puts some thought into how he proposes, (doesn’t roll out of bed one morning and say in a grumpy voice “marry me, will ya?”) you won’t be disappointed. 

Post # 18
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think that if you have no idea that an engagement is coming, then that’s a huge problem. I think it’s something that needs to be discussed…not just something that comes out of the blue.

Sure, the event of the actual proposal could be a completly unexpected moment, but the fact that it was going to happen in the near future, shouldn’t be.

That being said, my proposal was probably a nightmare scenario for some, but that’s just how we roll.

One hot summer day, we were in the city, at a Toyota dealership, looking at buying a new truck for DH (we never had bought a new vehicle before). A while back, I made a comment jokingly that he better get me a ring before he gets a brand new truck. I wasn’t totally serious, but I guess it stuck with him.<br />When we came across the perfect truck, and were getting ready to test drive it, he looked at me and said, “uhm… I kind of have a rather large amount of money on my credit card right now. If we need a downpayment, can we put it on your card?” So immediately, I was like, “What on earth do you have on your card?!” ….and he admitted that he had just put my engagment ring on his card the day before, which he was paying off with his paycheque that was coming the following week.

So, really that was my proposal. I was quite happy regardless. lol

The day that I actually got my ring was a doozie.

I was driving home in my crappy, old hyundai when BAM, right in rushhour, my alternator dies. I’ve got no power, no lights, people are honking thier horns at me, and I am losing it (I have pretty bad driving anxiety, so a scenario like this is a nightmare for me). I am able to muster just enough power to get the car to the gas station ahead and pull over.

I call DH and he says, “oh man, that really sucks. Is there any way you can get your mom to get you? A buddy called and needs my help on a job.”

I was not impressed. Here I was, traumatized and upset, and my wonderful boyfriend wouldn’t come help me?! WTF.

Like 2 minutes later he called me back to let me know he was on his way.

When he got there, he admitted that he was actually on his way to pick up my ring so he could officially propose (his plan was to attach it to our dog’s collar). Instead, he drove my car, while I drove his truck behind him. We had to stop multiple times to jump start the car…and finally got it to the scrapyard and left it there. I never wanted to see that POS again..

After that, we drove to the jewelry store together. He went into the store, paid for the ring, and gave it to me in his truck (the new one that he had bought the day he told me about the ring). We went for ice cream, and voila, that is my engagement story.

I can just laugh at the story now. In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter that I knew ahead of time, or that the proposal wasn’t romance and roses, I was just happy to be getting married to my wonderful SO!

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by urchin.
Post # 19
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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Brownbear23:  I knew it was coming eventually, because we had talked about marriage before. I didn’t know he had the ring. I did have a really weird feeling that weekend that he was going to propose though. He was acting pretty weird the few weeks before. Honestly, I think in the moment when he is proposing you will forget everything and just be so happy. I think when couples are together long-term marriage comes up and some of that “magic” is lost – very few couples are completely surprised at a proposal, and I think it’s good you’ve talked about it!

Post # 20
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m feeling really strongly about this thread!! Every woman should know a proposal is coming.  If a woman is truly completely surprised, that is NOT romantic, that is creepy as hell.  A major life decision should not be sprung on a woman without her knowledge, it should be discussed so she can give her input.  The exact time and location he decides to give her a ring (if that’s what you’re in to) can be a fun surprise, but the woman should have given the go-ahead.  True surprise proposals show a huge lack of consideration for a woman’s feelings and agency that is completely off-putting and an imbalance of power.  It’s 2014 for goodness’ sake, marriage should be between equals and not controlled by one person.

I don’t know where your BF got the idea that couples don’t discuss marriage timelines while dating or why the woman should not get any say about when it happens.                              

Post # 21
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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Brownbear23:  I knew it was coming. We had started planning the wedding (venue deposits down, dress bought). I told him which ring I liked and was even there when he paid for it. I knew he had picked it up. Then suddenly one day he wants to go back to where I used to live, to walk along the trails (that we spent many hours on) there. Plus he was acting weird. Yeah, didnt take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

But none of that mattered once he got down on oe knee, nervously mumbled something and presented the ring. That moment you are so filled with happiness (and relief–it finally happened!). 

I know you have dreams about how it’s ‘supposed’ to be. But remember, your happiness is dependent on not comparing what you think ‘shoiuld’ happen or how it ‘should’ look. Happiness is about appreciating and being grateful for how things actually are. There are many, many things about your life together that wont turn out the way you think it will. 

Remember to focus on what is really important here–the MARRIAGE. After a few years, the proposal is just a small, tiny detail.

Post # 22
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

MY Fiance and I have been together for 16 months I knew it was coming (someday) cause we would always talk about marriage and kids and the proposal was still was a complete surprise. We work together and everyone at work is always asking…. when is he gonna do it? “I was shocked when yall come back from vacation not engaged”… Do you know when he’s gonna propose??? ETC…

I had an idea (and hoped) it would happen when we went to Boston for Christmas so I could meet the rest of his family(and later found out IF he had my ring he would have when we went on the Fenway tour) but when it didn’t happen I stopped second guessing every little trip or special dinner we went to. I think with everyone else asking me when is going to happen I started overthinking everything and had to make myself not think about it. I know easier said than done. I didn’t even know he had gotten a ring The weekend before he proposed he “had to go help his dad do some yard stuff” so I had a beach day with my Bestie. And he went with his parents to their Good friend who owns a Jewelry store to pick it up because it has just been finished being made.

The way he proposed was just perfect for us. It was after work on a random Tuesday we went to the jewelry store so I could get a link taken out a watch his parent gave me the previous weekend, we went grocery shopping and came home and I started cooking. He asked if I could come talk to him for a min and we sat on the couch. Background: We sit on the couch and talk EVERYTHING out… When I had to have surgery, when he asked me to move in, How we were going to split the bills, when my mom had emergency surgery, when we found out my aunt had cancer…etc. So when he asked me to come sit my first thought was IS everything OK? He started telling me how much I mean to him and How much he loves me and a bunch of other stuff that is a complete blur and pulled out the ring and said will you make me the happiest guy on earth and be my wife and I said OF COURSE!!

Post # 25
Member
3713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I knew it was coming, and I even had an inkling of the day he was going to do it (he’s not the sneakiest guy in the world). He still managed to surprise me by how he proposed, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I would bet that most people know their partner is about to propose in the near future because couples should talk about those sort of things before getting engaged. I actually cringe a little when I hear people say things like “it was a complete surprise.. We never even talked about marriage!”

Post # 26
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Brownbear23:  So what is the optimal timeframe that would have been “wonderful” and “romantic”? Knowing which week he’s going to propose is not romantic, but knowing the year he’ll propose is romantic? It all seems so incredibly arbritrary and confusing to me.   I’m not trying to be snarky on purpose, it’s that I truly don’t understand the logic or perspective.   

To try and clarify, I wanted a proposal because I wanted a clear memory of my BF formally expressing his love for me and wanting me to be his wife through both words and actions.  All those things had been said or implied beforehand, but the proposal was a confirmation and a reiteration.  For me, it was romantic.  And I don’t get how knowing the general week/month/year this would occur would make this less romantic.     

Post # 27
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

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Brownbear23:  DH’s stipluation before he would propose is that he needed to have his “career” job. So of course after he got the job I knewit was coming at some point, but he did it way sooner than I expected (after 1 month on the job, I was thinking 6 months to save up for a ring). I can honestly tell you I was so surprised and didn’t suspect anything, even in the seconds leading up to it. It will be wonderful, I promise 🙂

Post # 28
Member
19 posts
Newbee

@brownbear23 You said it perfectly! I knew it was coming as well, Fiance took me ring shopping to make sure that I liked the ring and he can’t keep a secret from me which is one thing I love about him. He told me along the way about the payments he was making and then when it was finally paid off, he did surprise me in the moment with a proposal in one of our favorite spots at lake erie as the sun set. 

Post # 29
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

I knew it was coming somewhere in about a 6 month time frame just based on the way our life was planned out (college graduation, navy commissioning, moves, etc) and as that time started to go by and we were down to 2 or 3 months I started half expecting it at every event we went to. We even took a cruise for spring break together and he felt the need to make it clear the night before we left that he was NOT going to bring a ring that expensive on a boat out of the country. He knew I was probably expecting it happen that week and didnt want me to be waiting and disappointed the whole trip. Well another month went by and on the one night that I had completely ruled out, thinking it definitely wouldnt happen (it was a Navy event that was all about his comissioning class and I was simply a guest) he has his superior officers incorporate it into a supurlative presentation about all of his peers where he was voted “most likely to make a scene at tonight’s event.” So it is definitely possible to be surprised and caught off gaurd even when you 100% know its coming. I wouldnt have had it any other way- the pent up anticipation, surprise, and relief made it all the better!

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