Question for the Childless Bees

posted 3 years ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

YES TO ALL THIS!!!!! 

I suffer from insomnia pretty badly, as in I’m lucky to get 4 straight hours of sleep at any given time. I get comments constantly like “you don’t know what tired is”, or “tired is having a newborn, insomnia is not like having a newborn”. There are nights I wake up every 20 minutes all night long, but somehow that’s not valid because I don’t have kids! 

 

Post # 47
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

I love the “you don’t know what tired is until you have kids!” remarks… Actually, I think I do – because I had chronic fatigue syndrome in my late teens and barely had the energy to brush my fucking teeth after sleeping for 12+ hours lol

Post # 48
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

The remarks about not knowing tired are what get to me. I work 2 jobs and do freelance work on thie side, I also have severe anxiety and insomnia that basically make it impossible for me to get a decent nights sleep. Sorry, I’m tired and don’t tell me otherwise. 

 

Post # 49
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

shaleigh85 :  I really, really hate this shit. I don’t know why some people feel that they are superior to others just because they have reproduced. Congratulaions. You had sex, you did not use a condom, you had a child. Lots of people do. My favourites:

“You’re not a real woman until you become a mother.”

“You don’t know what busy/tired feels like.”

“You don’t really have any purpose unless you have children.”

“I wish I had time to do and think about all those silly things you care about! Your interests/hobbies/passions are so cute.”

“You are selfish for not having kids.”

“My life didn’t start until I had my child.”

Seriously, STFU. Not everyone has to reproduce. Also, some people are not childless by choice. You could be saying these ignorant, condescending things to people who have had miscarriages, stillbirths or people who could never conceive.

Post # 50
Member
997 posts
Busy bee

Thankfully most comments I get are positive – and from parents too! It makes me more confident in my choice.

Post # 51
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have to laugh at the “there is no tired like mom tired” comments…I’m childless but I am also a teacher who has 250 students AND I have a chronic illness that causes exhaustion more often than not.  So believe it or not, mommy martyrs, I KNOW tired, probably more than them.  I mean, I have a class full of 25 kindergarteners who it IS like herding cats when they are in the room.  I would like to see mommy martyrs try to deal with that situation.  😉 

Post # 52
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I was having a conversation with a guy who has kids about the when you should and shouldn’t disciple kids. I said that I feel as if spanking is overrated and that should be the absolute final straw after you exhausted all other options…maybe. He said “what do you know about discipline! You don’t have kids so your opinion doesn’t matter!”

 

okay dude.

Post # 53
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’ve never been very fond of the idea of motherhood, and I’ve said since I was 14 that if (big fat iffy if) I ever decided to get pregnant, I’d only have one, but that I’d rather have none. Since then, I’ve heard…

-That’s good. Just keep telling yourself that until you get to be about 30.

-Well… You say that, but accidents happen. (You say that, but scientists have made great progress in developing several methods that allow women to control the likelihood of birth…….You have options. So accidents don’t happen. Negligence happens.)

-Oh, sweetie I said the same thing, but I was so wrong! My kids are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. (grats)

-You’ll change your mind when you get older/ get married/ settle down.

-Your poor future husband! 

-Don’t you think your mother deserves grandchildren? 

-What? But you have to continue the family name! (What is this, 1801?)

-Why not… Oh but you have time to do all that before you have kids! Just get that out of your system and you’ll feel differently

-That’s pretty selfish (Psh!… Psssh!)

-Awwww, but I think you’d make such a great mom! (I hate this one. Like, I know they think they mean well, but excuse me? Do I f*cking know you? Because I guess you know me better than I know me, and I think that’s really fascinating…)

-So you’re choosing to live an empty, meaningless life? 

Post # 54
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Okay, must preface this by admitting that I have a 6 month old, so I apologize for butting in un-asked! 

That being said – my sister had her son 20 months before I had mine, and somehow in that time she managed to say every annoying, condescending parent-to-a-non-parent BS ever, and it infuriated me. If I said I was tired, or stressed, or my f*cking knee hurt, she would always one-up me and tell me I had no idea what tired was, etc.

I basically vowed at that point to never be an asshole or be condescending to non-parents, and I’ve really tried to be aware of how much indignant rage I felt any time my sister condescended to me.

And now the bad news… I’ve realized that while she really should have kept her mouth shut, she wasn’t exactly wrong, either – at least about the fatigue & how busy parenting is. BUT – in no way do I ever think that life is a competition!

If you’re tired, you’re tired. Just because someone may be more sleep-deprived than you doesn’t mean that you’re not experiencing exhaustion. Just because I’m drowning in diapers & breastmilk doesn’t mean that you’re not busy, and feeling overwhelmed.

 

Also – choosing not to have children if you don’t want them is not even close to selfish! I wanted to be a mom all my life, and I still find it to be unbelievably difficult. The last thing people should want is to force parenthood on someone who doesn’t want it. 

 

All in all – I’m sorry parents can be condescending arseholes.

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