There’s suprise and then there’s SURPRISE. If I’m going somewhere unsual on my birthday, being driven by my SO who never drives, I’m going to know soething is up. Now, if he were to, several months before said birthday start driving instead of me on a more regualr basis, and we started going new places, then I might actually be surprised that special day.
By the point that the man has pretty much told the woman that an engagement is coming, and even agreed on a timeframe for a wedding, it’s boggling to the woman to be then told to be a good girl and sit back and wait. Its like, “Hey, I know you’re hungry, and I have a cheeseburger for you, but I’ll give it to you when you’re not expecting it.” Huh?
If I’m hungry, and know you’ve got a cheeseburger for me, then delaying the giving of said burger is almost torture an makes everything feel like a test of worthiness. It’s like dangling somethign above a kid just out of reach – they know you have it, you tease them about having it, but refuse to give it to them. The man thinks he’s doing something sweet and memorable, but after the anticipation of the woman (which sometimes can’t always be controlled) reaches a point like a teakettle hitting boil, the “fun” anticipation gives way to anxiety, self-doubt, worries, and wondering WHY, if he loves, wants to marry by such and such upcoming date, hasn’t he done it?
That said, Flutter, I think you’ve still got two major holidays to go, and your man might still be planning something for them – surely you can manage to hold out for 8 or 9 more days and try to wait and see – or if you’re able, give him till Valentine’s and then give him a calendar with the date you’re not expecting anything marked 😛
I know you’re venting here, partly to allow you to wait better whn interacting with your SO. Instead of crying and trying to plead with him, look up som basic things in a matter of fact way, like how far in advance cetain things need to be booked, like you venue and hotels and so forth. It can take 6 months alone to purchase and have a dress altered, and since summer is a big time for weddings, it’s best to do this as soon as you can. He simply might not be aware of the multitude of details and requirements for planning any wedding, and how long thigs will take. My SO is a notorious procrastinaotor, waiting for the night before a trip to get thigns he needs, waitintg for a day before my birthday to worry about gifts – I’m convinced he’s going to wait until I’m on my deathbed to ever proposed, simply because I can’t think of any other “last minute” scenarios. So, I think many men think you can plan a wedding in a month to 3 months, but unless your destination is Vegas, I’m not sure that will work for what you want. Heck, church-based pre-marraige counseling (where you don’t say “I do” until they say you can) alone can take several months in some places.