- 4 years ago
The last three times that I saw MIL without DH she made insensitive comments about me and DH’s decisions that I don’t think she would have made them if DH was there. Her comments were geared towards me and they were made in a vague and “helpful” way, but I told DH and we both agree that it sounds like she was trying to further her own agenda.
It caused significant problems and rather than invite drama we agreed that we weren’t going to address it and I would only see MIL when DH was there. This was months ago and the last two times DH traveled for work, she tried to see me alone. She may specifically be targeting times when DH is gone so she doesn’t have to compete with time that I want to spend with DH, but I’m distrustful given her ongoing comments. I don’t like being deceitful by not telling her (or letting DH tell her) about my issue with her, but I’m not willing to let her do this to me again. Do you think that it’s reasonable for me to morph MIL’s invitations to see me alone into activities that DH and I can do with her together?
A divorced friend who left her marriage partially due to MIL issues pointed out a concept that really makes sense to me. She said that we should definitely NOT say anything to MIL because older woman have difficulty accepting criticism and advice from younger women because the older woman always thinks that she knows better based on her experience.
I am wondering if the MIL bees really think this about younger women? I am 32 and know that if a 22 yr old came into my office and tried to tell me I’m doing my job wrong, I would think that my 15 years of experience trumphs her 6 months. Is this the same thing? I grew up without a mother so I don’t have anything to compare it so to this is the closest thing I could relate. It’s so confusing!