(Closed) Question for those married before

posted 6 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I didn’t have a thought in my mind but the man I was speaking the vows to…and we just had the standards vows.  

If you’re writing personal vows, it’d be even more obvious he’s thinking of you. I wouldn’t worry about it at all.

Post # 4
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

He’s marrying you, he loves you… I guarentee that he will be thinking of his beautiful bride standing in front of him on your wedding day!  Congrats and enjoy! 

Post # 5
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I do not believe that he will be thinking of his ex-wife when he’s marrying me.  Their relationship didn’t last.  What we have is different.  Don’t think about it.  Focus on you two.

Post # 6
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, I never had that concern.  I certainly won’t be thinking of my ex and I don’t think he’ll be thinking of his 🙂

Post # 7
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m still waiting for my divorce to come through and I know 100% that on our big day, my ex will be the last thing on my mind. Don’t worry one bit xx

Post # 8
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was married nearly 20 years, and my ex was a guest at my second wedding.  But when I said my vows, I thought of nothing but my wife.

Post # 10
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The first wedding I attended after my divorce made me an emotional mess…and not in a good way.  Fiance handled it in much the same way you did (getting angry and hurt). 

I can’t promise that I won’t take a moment on my wedding day to reflect on my first wedding day.  I have two children from that marriage and it was ten years of my life.  I know that emotionally I will need a moment.  But, when I walk down that aisle and exchange vows with my Fiance, he will be the only man in my thoughts. 

Post # 12
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsTimmy:  I can’t imagine that you will ever know that it happened.  By the time I see my Fiance that day, I will be in the moment ready to celebrate the beginning of our marriage.  But I would be lying if I said that I wouldn’t take a moment to myself to think about it and let it go before I walk down the aisle. 

It is extremely hard to emotionally and mentally reconcile exchanging wedding vows a second time.  No one plans to do so.  No one wants to do so (when they say them the first time).  I hope you understand that by me saying I will take a moment, it is so that I can emotionally and mentally say them with as much truth as I said them the first time.  If you can handle it, talk to your Fiance about his feelings on this subject (but only if you can listen without being hurt and offended…otherwise let a sleeping dog lie).  It may help both of you let go of his first marriage before your wedding day.

Post # 13
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was the one who was married before – twice. Once when I was only 19 – good Catholic girl, and then a second time when I was 24. That marriage nearly destroyed me but I hung in for 25 years because of children. I told my Fiance this morning that this truly feels like the first time for me. I never had this kind of emotional connection or was cherished by someone the way he does. When I say my vows in July to this man, I can mean every word of them and know what I’m doing. If an ex is truly an ex, there’s no question who your man will be talking to on your wedding day! And if you’re not sure it’s truly an ex emotionally for him, you shouldn’t be getting married yet.

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