My walk date is August 1st, and I won’t be waiting a day past that. For me it’s a hard deadline because my boyfriend has told me he has been planning to propose in July, so I am holding him to that (and will be able to). For my own dignity and sanity I can’t give him any wiggle room because I’ve been waiting for about 2 years out of an 11-year relationship. And in my opinion, his “good” excuses ran out a year ago. So in my mind, the past year has been his “extra” time.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt now that he wasn’t stringing me along prior to me asking for his exact timeline. But since he has given me the impression of making excuses and moving goalposts (even though he claims that he didn’t), if he doesn’t step up in July, then that is the conclusion I will have to make.
In terms of resentment and regret, I think I am at peace with whatever happens. I have told my boyfriend how hurtful and uncertain the past year in particular has been, how I have felt strung along, and that I resent it and am disappointed in him. I wanted those feelings out in the open, so that he understands that if we go forward then we will have to work through that. He has acknowledged the mistakes he has made over the past year, so I am willing to work with him if he shows that I can trust his word going forward. This includes proposing when he has said he will.
If he decides to not propose, I don’t think I will regret not doing it sooner because, with the way things happened, I feel that everything is more certain now, and that I am stronger in my conviction. If I had walked away after his first “red flags” (e.g. using the “more money” excuse, feeling guilty due to “depression”), then I think I would have wondered if I was making the right choice. Also it would have been hard to leave because I know he would have begged me to stay. I don’t think I was in the right place mentally to handle a breakup before now. I was unemployed, I would have needed to find a new apartment, and probably a therapist. But I’m all set on all fronts now.
I know he will beg in August if it comes to that, but I will have the strength to put my foot down because my conscience will be clear and I will have a concrete example of how I can’t trust him to follow through on what he says.
What I do regret is not getting the specific timeline sooner. At the time I didn’t think I needed it, but in retrospect it would have been very helpful in determining if my boyfriend really had a plan or was stringing me along. Perhaps I wouldn’t have set a walk date if I had the timeline and maybe could have worked out a compromise before now.