Post # 1
Hello, ladies! I’ve never posted here, but I would love your input on a question I have about last-minute requests from the bride. I’m going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding that is taking place a week from tomorrow. At first, the bride asked us to have our hair professionally done, so I made an appointment. No big deal. Then, she told us we could just do our hair ourselves if we wanted. I’m comfortable fixing my own hair, so I happily cancelled the appointment in order to save a little money.
Turns out, I’m the only one not having my hair professionally done, and the bride isn’t happy about it. Unfortuntately, she waited until today to tell me this. My regular hair stylist is now booked solid, and every stylist I could find who is available charges at least double what I would expect to pay my own stylist. I could give up a nice date night or some other non-necessities to cover the cost, but honestly, a huge part of me wants to refuse and just do it myself since this request/demand is so last minute.
My own wedding was very intimate. Since I didn’t have the big wedding with bridesmaids and everything, I’m concerned that I might just be out of touch. However, I’ve been in several other weddings and never had anything like this come up.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I just suck it up and give in to the bride’s request, or should I just decline gracefully and let her know my hair will look great with or without help from a stylist?
Post # 3
@JustTheBridesmaid: the only time a bride can tell you you are getting your hair professionally done, is if she is paying for it.
Post # 4
tell her she told you you could do it on your own and you cancelled the appointment and now at the last minute you can’t get back in with your stylist.
i’m not a crazy bride, so to me this isn’t a big deal.
Post # 5
The general consensus is that a bride can request that her bridesmaids get their hair professionally done… but only if the bride offers to pay. Otherwise it’s quite rude, the bridesmaids need the option of doing their own hair.
So if you feel comfortable doing your own hair, then go for it. She can’t force you to get it done by a stylist and expect you to foot the bill.
Post # 6
@ajillity81: +1. Id they her I canceled because if what she said and now my lady was booked. The end.
Post # 7
I don’t think brides have the right to demand professional makeup or hair styling unless they are the ones to pay for it.
The way I see it, the bide said you needed it done, you made the appointment, then she said you could do it yourself, so you cancelled the appointment. It’s on her that you are not having it professionally done. If she really, really wanted it that way she shouldn’t have changed her mind, or she should be the one paying for it.
So jsut do your own hair. In reality, no one is going to take a detailed shot of a bridesmaids hair. There might be a picture of the bride’s hair, but in all reality these detail pictures don’t really matter. In 20 years will she be looking at her photos and thinking “JustThebridesmaid was such a bitch to don’t get her hair professionally done” or “I was so happy that day, look at me with my husband and friends”?
Post # 8
@JustTheBridesmaid: Agreed with other PPs. Tell her what you’ve said here: she asked you to have it done, so you made an appointment. Then she said you didn’t have to have it done, so you canceled. Now everything is booked/too expensive. If she really wants it, she can pay. It’s bad form for her to make you have your hair professionally done unless she’s paying anyway.
Post # 9
@JustTheBridesmaid: I don’t think she should have any say in who does your hair unless she is paying for it. Especially if you are comfortable styling your own hair! I am giving my BMs an option to have their hair and makeup professionally done, and they will just notify me of their decision in advance. However, since I cannot afford to pay for all of these services, I will not require any of them to be beautified by a professional. Assure her that you have the necessary products and styling tools; maybe even show her an inspiration photo of how you plan to style your hair. There are so many wonderful youtube tutorials nowadays; you should be just fine!
Post # 10
Thank you all so much for your input! I really do appreciate it, and it’s nice to have confirmation that I’m not just being a difficult bridesmaid.
@FionnaCake: “In 20 years will she be looking at her photos and thinking “JustThebridesmaid was such a bitch to don’t get her hair professionally done” or “I was so happy that day, look at me with my husband and friends”?” <—- That’s EXACTLY how I feel!
Post # 11
@JustTheBridesmaid: I think it’s the whole Style Me Pretty/Wedding blog industry that has caused this phenomena. Brides are so determined to be blogs or have their wedding pictures repinned on Pinterest that they seem to forget that a wedding is about getting married, not having the most amazing decor. Usually their response to anything that isn’t exactly as their envisioned it is that it will “ruin the pictures,” but in reality, I don’t think people really use their “detail shots.” For most married couples, if they put wedding pictures on their walls it’s of them with each other or their loved ones, not an artsy picture of their centerpieces. At the end of the day those things are just things, and it’s the people that matter. Brides need to stop seeing their wedding party as props who need to be dressed and posed perfectly for the pictures and instead look at them as people they love.
Post # 12
@FionnaCake: I don’t think I could’ve said it any better myself, especially the part about brides needing to stop viewing their wedding party as props. It seems like every wedding I’m in is just a little more intense than the last, and some of the stories I’ve heard from friends….Yikes.
Post # 13
If she really wanted your hair done by a pro then she shouldn’t have said you can do it yourself. It’s not your problem that she can’t make up her mind. In fact I think it was quite nice of you to agree to have it pro done in the first place (as PPs have said that is generally considered rude to ask unless she’s offering to pay). If you explain it the way you did here I don’t see anyway she can argue with it. Then again I’ve seen enough wedding shows to know that some brides find it very easy to argue even when they are very clearly in the wrong. Hopefully she will be logical enough to realize that this is not a big deal and get over it.
Post # 14
as it is too late for you to make an appointment with the Stylist,then it is better for you to tell her in advance that you would do well with your hair…take it easy,normally,our decision is hard for satisfy both sides…You know..
Post # 15
@JustTheBridesmaid: She told you it was okay for you to do your hair yourself. You decided to do your hair yourself. She can’t keep changing her mind.
I also agree that the only time a bride can demand you have your hair professionally done is if she is paying for it. Yes, it’s more expensive to the bride, but imo if she’s not willing to shell out for it she obviously doesn’t care that much.
Post # 16
She’s picking a weird thing to focus all her stress on in the lead-up to the wedding, I guarantee you.
I was going to say that maybe she’s bummed because she wants you girls to all get pretty all together, but your post makes it seem like, no, she just wants you all to show up with your hair “professionally” done. Unless the plan was for your stylist to come to where you’re getting ready (which would be super spendy), if you’re just going to show up with your hair done, you could just TELL her that you had your hair done by a pro (and that you prefer a simple style). I mean, what’s she going to do, ask for a receipt?
I’m partially kidding, but seriously — don’t feel like you have to go drop money on a pro stylist, especially when she’s run so hot and cold on this.