Post # 1
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
Ok so I have a questuon of etiquette that has really been bothering me..so who better to ask then the Bee’s!
Our Wedding is going to be June 22, 2013. We are having a BIG wedding, 170 guests, expensive venues..the works. Oh and we are 100% paying for it by ourselves.
In the beginning of our planning stages, Call it woman’s intuition, but I started having a feeling that some kind of medical issue was coming my way. I had gone 10 years without insurance and luckily no health problems. But I couldn’t shake the feeling. So we decided it would be best to just get married early and then still have our big wedding as planned/it would just be a renewal of the vows type thing. Well boy was I right. 2012 was the medical problem year for me! Without insurance we would have spend about $15,000 out of pocket.
My mom really wants to throw me a wedding shower. I’ve never had one. Never been married. We never even had an engagement party or a house warming party..nada.
But a part of me feels almost guilty having a party. Mostly because normally I’m a giver, not a taker. I do want to have one though…
So on to the question!
Am I “allowed” by society’s rules to still have a bridal shower?
So confused :/
Please leave a comment or take the poll!
Post # 3
Member
4950 posts
Honey bee
A friend of mine spontaneously eloped with her military husband and then had a bridal shower at home shortly afterwards. Nobody minded.
Do your friends and family know you’re actually married?
Post # 4
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
If someone wants to throw you a shower, then I see no problem. Your friends and family WANT to celebrate with you! The other thing is this..your mother will be hosting this event. So any fallout will be in her court. And really, what are people going to say? That it is bad etiquette that she throws a party for her daughter?
You (and your mom) know your friends and family members better than anybody on this board. I don’t see an issue with it at all. But then, I don’t feel the rules of etiquette are “finite” and they should and can be adjusted for every single situation.
The only murky area would be if a bride were to throw a shower for herself…that may get some raised eyebrows.
***One of my husband’s cousins had to get married early (immigration issues). Her shower and wedding were months after her courthouse wedding. I didn’t hear one person complain about it at all. And that family tends to really be the gossipy type.
Post # 5
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
This is kind of hard. I think some people would find it improper to have a traditional shower since you’re already married. For instance, I wouldn’t bat an eye but my grandmother would talk about it being improper.
I think the easiest thing to do is not do a bridal shower. You could do a ladies lunch (without presents) that could serve the same social functions like getting the ladies from both families aquainted. And honestly it could have all the stuff from a bridal shower, just don’t call it a shower or have presents!!!
All that being said, if you really want one, go for it, and don’t let anyone’s judgement bother you!
Post # 6
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
As long as everyone knows you guys are married already – I think its fine, especially if you’re not throwing it yourself or involved in the planning. If you want to be extra careful, you could even ask your mom not to call it a shower but a tea or something. I think the only way this situation gets sticky is if people find out later that you were already married and feel deceived.
Post # 7
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
@mepayne: Yes they do. We actually were going to just tell intermediate family..but due to two sisters that have big mouths, it came out.
Post # 8
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
@BartenderPlease: You said it perfect…Now that some time went by, we feel keeping it a secret from everyone would have just been an awful lie.
Post # 9
Member
4950 posts
Honey bee
@FashionistaBride: Since they know, I think it’s fine. People who don’t have a problem with it will come. If it was some big secret, it would seem weird and gift-grabby.
Post # 10
Member
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I agree with
JaneyDcat: &
BartenderPlease: … it’ll be fine if your Mom is the Host. More so than if it was one of your GFs or BMs… cause when it comes to Weddings, MOBs have a lot more leaway when it comes to “some” elements of Etiquette, strictly in the name of being Loving & Supporting of their “baby girls”. (And most guest will follow the MOBs lead, in accepting everything as being ok / above board)
Hope this helps,
PS… For any New-Bees reading this post… just a note that Hosting one’s own Shower is NEVER a good idea (against the Rules of Etiquette)… one needs to always have someone else throw the Party in your Honour.