(Closed) Question on Fiance's best friend (who is marrying us)

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

One of my best friends is marrying us and he will have to fly in from the west coast. I never even considered paying for a flight, etc. He’s my best friend and would be attending as a guest on his own dime anyway even if he were not performing the ceremony.

Post # 5
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That does seem like a lot! But since your fiance already offered, it would be kind of rude/awkward to take that offer back, wouldn’t it? I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.

Post # 6
Member
8512 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

So in order for your Fiance to have someone who is important to him at the wedding he has offered to pay for his flights and accommodation in lieu of payment for being the officiant?

And you are upset that instead on spending money on stranger to officate, someone neither of you have a relationship with,your husband is spending a little bit more to have someone special to him not only be at your wedding but to officate it? 

And you want to bring in his mummy to tell him off for being so inconsiderate for wanting to have his friend to officate your wedding?

Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee

In all honesty, I’d be upset too if I were you. Like you said, after all the other expenses you have, he really should not take you up on this!!! Does your fiance have the entire budget at his disposal? I think one issue for us with the wedding budget is that my fiance is just not good at looking at the big picture and I usually take care of all the budgeting. Every little thing he can justify since by itself it doesn’t seem too bad!  Sure a plane ticket from California is not that much!  But when I added all that up and told him the grand total, it really put things in perspective. It’s just really not right to be paying for a huge plane ticket and a hotel on top of that, and maybe it’s not even possible too. Ask him if there’s anything else in the budget that he’d like to take that out of… would he like to have no alcohol at the wedding?? What about no silverware??? 

Post # 10
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Khalessi3:  Oh I definitely get where you’re coming from! I would have been not overly impressed that my Fiance didn’t talk to me before offering to pay for these things… but yeah, you’re kinda stuck now. Probably no need to bring in the big guns on this one 😉 Pick your battles, lol!

Post # 12
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You technically can “take it back” just be honest and let him know that the budget is tight and that’s an expense you can’t actually undertake.

Speak with the friend and ask him if you can do half since you offered even without the money. Or tell this to your fiance.

Let him know its not about telling him it can’t be his friend, or that its not important to you, just that realistically it puts a strain on the budget. Don’t be passive agressive and say the bar has to go, just let him know that things will need to be scalled back and you’ll need to look at some of the major expenses such as the bar, food, etc.

Perhaps with that and if you suggest still doing half, he will be more likely to agree.

Post # 14
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Khalessi3:  Thats typical of guys…. your fiance will probably need to follow up. Maybe dig up some travel times to have suggestions for him when they do connect. Might save another “okay, how about this date” — “I’ll call you back with times” etc. hehe

The topic ‘Question on Fiance's best friend (who is marrying us)’ is closed to new replies.

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