(Closed) question: what if your brother’s wedding was on the same day as your birthday?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: how would you react?

    awesome, more reason to celebrate!

    cool! ...as long as I can still celebrate my birthday

    well they could have chosen a different date, but I'll play along. It's just one day.

    that was SO inconsiderate. they KNEW it's supposed to be MY day.

    I don't really care

    other (explained below)

  • Post # 108
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    He is being a complete brat. Just ignore him, hopefully he will realise that the entire universe does not revolve around him or have to stop to take note of the day he was born, get over himself and grow up.

    Post # 109
    1289 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Personally I would love it (and if I’m honest, milk it a bit…).  I’d take it as a compliment that they loved my date so much they wanted to make it theirs as well!

    My father’s birthday was one day before, and he was gutted we didn’t actually have it ON his birthday, whereas my best friend’s husband was having his birthday the day after the wedding and was stoked to be going to a big party his birthday weekend.  At some point during the night (around 3am I think)  we actually got a big chunk of cake, stuck some sparklers in and got the whole place to sing him happy birthday. Are you sure Future Brother-In-Law is 21, or did you mis-type 12??

    Post # 110
    662 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    That’s so childish!  Just try to ignore him and he’ll probably come round eventually.  Perhaps promise to mention his birthday in a speech or something to pacify him?  Point out that he’s bound to get loads of generous guests offering to buy him a drink then! Wink

    Post # 111
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have a big issue too..due to a series of circunstances, our wedding date is also the birthdays of my stepson and my ficancée’s godson..

    Post # 112
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Personally, I would never do that to a close friend or immediate family. Just because your birthday isn’t a big deal to you doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same way and that doesn’t make them a terrible or immature person. I can completely see why your Future Brother-In-Law is upset. From the conversation you guys had, it does sound like he feels like he gets the short end of the stick alot and being told to suck it up on his birthday was just the final straw.

    Obviously what’s done is done but I think the whole thing should have been handled very differently. I think as soon as you found out it was on his birthday, you and Fiance should have talked to him just the three of you to make sure he was okay with it. That alone sounds like it would have gone a long way to taking his feelings into account.


    Post # 113
    1295 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    He sounds like someone I know, completely self centered.

    I would just let him be at this point. Your wedding is next year, let you Fiance deal with him from now on and hopefully at some point he will grow up.

    I disagree with the few PPs who think that he should have been consulted. We consulted with no one on our wedding day, we picked a day that was good for us and worked for our venue.

    Post # 114
    4812 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I really would not care. To me a birthday is a birthday and I have always been pretty low-key about them anyway. Plus, I would think how great it is to have a great celebration to go to on my birthday – a beautiful and meaningful ceremony, great good, fun people, dancing and free drinks. Yay! Gosh, there are years I end up working on my birthday, so having a wedding to go to is certainly a much better option!

    I would also always remember their anniversary!


    Life (and the world) goes on on birthdays, and I don’t know many people over the age of 12 or so who expect the world to work any other way on their birthday. Your Future Brother-In-Law does not “own the day” or get to decide when you have your wedding. What would happen if someone he knew had a kid that had the audacity to be born on his birthday?

    Reading that conversation, honestly, your Future Brother-In-Law sounds like a self-centered brat.

    Hopefully with some more birthdays he will grow out of it. Wink



    Post # 115
    139 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Honestly, I feel for your Future Brother-In-Law. He told you straight up he was feeling like he didn’t matter and you kinda went on and said he didn’t that you planned your wedding around other people but couldn’t take him into consideration. He probably wouldn’t have been as upset if you just paused for a minute and said, Hey I understand it sucks and I’m sorry we couldn’t make other arrangements. Sometimes a little empathy can take you a long way.


    Post # 116
    6458 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My cousins kept doing this to their younger brother (and me, sort of)…my eldest cousin got married the same day as his youngest brother’s high school graduation (a date which they’d known for, literally, years)…and then their middle brother got married the day before their younger brother turned 20!!! (and, incidentally, the day before I turned 30!).  


    I know he was like, “C’mon guys!!” but that’s been their whole life, seeing as they were 11 and 13 when he was born.


    If my brother had gotten married on my birthday, I would have been like, What the heck is your problem?  But he and I have never had the best relationship.  As it was, he got married without telling anyone…on the fourth of July.  

    Post # 117
    878 posts
    Busy bee

    Wow, there is so much more going on here than it being his birthday.

    I think you’re both wrong.

    You both forgot your brother’s birthday? Really?

    You’re right about people dying everyday.  Which is why its important to acknowledge the day that someone you love came into the world, and the fact that they made it another year.  Life is so precious.

    I probably wouldn’t have understood cousin, or family friend’s birthday.  I would NEVER pick a sibling or best friends birthday.  And even if I didn’t really have much of a choice, I would have “consulted” with them a bit instead of basically telling them to suck it up.  You didn’t necessarily have to ask permission.  He just wanted you to show that you cared.

    He makes a big deal out of his birthday because its the one day of the year when he feels like people care.  Just because you’ve never celebrated before, doesn’t mean that he wasn’t secretly hoping that this year would be the year that his family would show that they cared.

    Or, from someone who hasn’t had the best relationship with their family, your friends become your family.  I would have gone to your wedding yes.  Would I have freaked out like this, no.  But I would secretly have been gutted that I didn’t get to spend the day with people that truly cared about me.  You forgetting that it was my birthday would have sealed the bad feelings for me.

    I do acknowledge though that birthdays are a bigger deal to me and my friends because we’ve all been through some medical issues (random tumors, different types of cancer, bad accidents).  Life is precious to us and we celebrate the fact that we made it another year in a big way.

    It’s just one day, yes.  But this is really just a cover up for so many other things.

    Post # 118
    3330 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @DeadlyNightshade: You explained things so much better than I did :). Birthdays apparently don’t matter to everyone, but no one likes to be forgotten or made to feel like no one cares, which is the backbone of the issue. 

    Post # 120
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I wouldn’t be upset if a family member did this to me, but I wouldn’t knowingly do it to someone else. Although I personally wouldn’t care, I would still feel inconsiderate about doing this to a family member. Birthdays were a factor we considered when deciding a date. We threw out all significant dates and chose between what was left. I think he’s overreacting… But I do think I wouldn’t have done it on his birthday simply because it would have been off limits in my mind from the beginning. I wish you the best. He is doing too much, regardless. I can see being slighted or a bit miffed. But this is way more than the situation calls for.


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