Post # 1
I got some bad news last night – my 95 year old grandma has started to decline rather rapidly, and they think she has only a week or so left. I am about a 3 hour drive away, and will be heading to the city she is in Tuesday night, to see her, for the Canadian thanksgiving holiday, and for some medical appointments, including my first trimester screening.
I was planning on waiting until my first trimester was over to announce my pregnancy, I am 9 weeks right now. My grandma has wanted me to get pregnant so badly, it is something she is always hoping for, and I know that telling her would make her so happy. I know that once I tell her, everyone will know, and I am kind of struggling with my plan, versus knowing how happy it will make her in her final days.
I feel so selfish for wanting to stick by the plan. Once my family knows, it will be all over facebook, so then everyone in our lives will know.
My parents are really pressuring me to tell her ASAP, not even wait until the FTS is done (next tuesday, a week into my visit), in case she really does only have a week, they want her to have this happy news for as long as possible.
I am just so scared, what if I tell her, and then something happens with the FTS, how could I then take that happiness away from her, knowing her time is so limited. But if something happens and she is already gone, will it have been worthwhile to give her that happiness, even if it means my entire family knows about it.
Post # 3
I think you would regret not telling her. I would tell her and let everyone know. It would mean the world to your family and they are going to find out anyways sooner or later.
Post # 4
Could you tell her and let it be your little secret? Something you two could share?
Post # 5
Tell her. Even if something happens (worst case scenario):
A) She doesn’t have to know
B) You will have your family to lean on for support
This will make her so happy, and in a way it’s what life is all about. Where one life ends, another begins. It’s very powerful and would be really special to share with her. You can also brief the rest of your family before you tell her and share the news, then ask them to keep it quiet because it’s still very early but you wanted to tell her before she passes. They will understand.
Post # 6
@Ms Mini:I told my grandma already and I’m 7w. I told my mom and dad and no one else. I will tell the rest of the world at 15 weeks.
I think you should tell your grandma. You don’t have to tell everyone. I’m sure she can keep the secret.
ALSO this happened to my great grandpa when my mom was carrying me–they told him and he lived to see me born! DEFINITELY tell her! 🙂
Post # 7
I do think I will tell her, I guess I just had to hear that I should from objective sources. My ultrasound 2 weeks ago showed a healthy, fetus with a good heartrate, so I know chances are that everything will be fine.
The timing just really stinks. I won’t have a chance to tell my sisters in person, before I tell her, so I just have to hope someone doesn’t beat me to it.
I am extremely close to my grandma, and the whole family knows we have a different bond than she has with any of her other grandkids, so I know that they will all appreciate me telling her.
I just hope I am able to get there while she is still fairly lucid. It is day by day, and my parents are going every day to tell me if I have to head to their city earlier than tuesday night.
Post # 8
I feel like if I were you I would definitely tell her. I think her happiness in knowing you are pregnant will outweigh everything else. God forbid if something were to come back on the screening -and nothing will!!!- she will never know. She will pass with this happy knowledge.
Post # 9
I agree… I think you should tell her. One of my cousins got pregnant about 2 months after our grandma died. She was so sad that she never got to tell my grandma that she was pregnant. She obviously couldn’t tell her, because she wasn’t pregnant before my grandma died, but it was always a wish.
I think you would regret not telling her. And in this case, I think the reward of telling her (your grandma’s happiness in her final days) will out weight the risk if anything happens.
Maybe ask her if it could be your little secret.
Regardless, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma. It can be so difficult when their health declines.
Post # 10
I think pp’s have given some really good insight and I agree that you should tell her. I really like KatyElle’s point about beginnings and endings, maybe she would find peace in that.
Above all, I’m really sorry to hear about your Grandmother. T&P are with you and your family.
Post # 11
We told our families and grandparents early and this was a big reason why. My grandmother unfortunately passed away a few weeks before baby was born but since we knew things were taking a turn for the worse we asked her to be baby’s guardian angel since she was upset that she wouldn’t meet our little one. It meant a lot to me and I think it meant a lot to her to know we’d think of her guarding our little one.
Post # 12
I think youll regret not telling her.. Your parents are right– give her some good news especially if her time is limited… like another PP said, you can probably tell her and keep it a secret between you two–
Post # 13
Yes, definitely tell her. To have such joyous news at a difficult time will surely make her last days a bit brighter. I’m sure she will be thrilled to know that her lineage is continuing on into a new generation and I think you will be happier knowing that you were able to share your news with your grandma in person, rather than possibly regretting somewhere down the line that you were never able to tell her you were having a baby.
In terms of worrying about FB, I’ve read about other people locking down their pages so people can’t post on there – maybe you want to try that for a few weeks, in addition to asking your family members not to spread your news, so if someone does tryto leak it, they won’t be able to do so in a public manner on your facebook wall.
Thoughts and prayers are with you.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry about your grandma, and I can’t imagine how hard this, especially considering how close you are.
I agree with PPs that telling her is a great idea, and I’m sure it will make her very happy. I completely understand why you’re hesitant to announce your pregnancy before the end of the 1st trimester, but considering the circumstances, I don’t think I’d ask her to keep it a secret. If she has several family members visiting her, I bet she’d love to have a really happy topic to discuss with them. And perhaps you can ask the rest of your family to try to keep the news within the family (no facebook messages, etc.) until you give them the all clear.
Post # 15
I would tell her. We were also originally planning on keeping our pregnancy a secret until the end of the 1st trimester, but b/c of timing we told family just before 10 weeks. It was a sort of similar situation, where we knew we would be seeing my grandma for her birthday at 10 weeks. She lives across the country from us, so we don’t see her very often at all, and she’s elderly too. We decided we wanted to tell her in person rather than waiting a few extra weeks. I know it’s really scary to tell people early, but at this point chances are that everything with your pregnancy will be fine. I’m sure your grandma would be thrilled to hear the news, and it sounds like you would regret it if she never found out.
Post # 16
I agree with PP’s. I think you would regret not telling her. I think she will be so happy with the news! I hope your grandmother gets better!