- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
I have been friends with my bff for close to 15 years and I am questioning whether to have her stand as my Maid/Matron of Honor, even though I stood for her.
When her wedding happened, I had only been with my back then boyfriend (current fiance) only 7 months or so. After moving in together, it was definitely a make it or break it type of tumulutous time for my fiance and I. However, we are doing great now.
The reason why I have doubts of asking my bff to be my Maid/Matron of Honor is because I recognize that she is harboring some grudges, related to what happened to her wedding time. First, I have been not that great with keeping to our plans such as meeting up for meals. Second, due to an argument with my fiance on her wedding day, I was late to the makeup/hair session by about an hour. Yes, I know, common courtesy, especially on my bff’s big day. I dont know about you other ladies, but I’m a pretty emotional person. That dumb argument we had was a make it or break it type and I was unable to walk away from it. I was so set on making sure we resolved that argument before I could stand next to my bff. Would I change my ways if I could go back? Of course I would. Once I arrived late, I already recognized that I was so selfish in my ways.
Second, she’s still upset that I did not stay for the “whole thing” during her reception to help with cleaning up and packing away gifts and such. This was my first experience as Maid/Matron of Honor and I wasn’t quite sure what my “duties” were. My fiance and I left once we noticed things were cooling down. But to be honest with you all? Once we entered the reception, my bff never even looked my way. She didn’t have any drinks with me nor did she take any pictures with me outside of the professional ones after the wedding. I didn’t feel like she even wanted me to be there. So once dinner was up, we stayed to dance and chat with other couples, my fiance and I called it a night to head home around 10pm while she was getting sloshed with everybody else.
Third, there is still a grudge that I forgot the orange juice the morning of the wedding and that she has pictures of “empty” glasses because we couldn’t make mimosas. Yes, I know, i messed up again.
So, bees… what shall i do? I accept that I wasn’t there on the ONE, BIG, important day my bff needed me due to my selfishness. But, I have apologized for it profusely and over a year has gone by at this point. At what point can I forgive myself? Granted, here are things I did do for her, planned 2 bachelorette parties, one out of the country and one in. I also planned an out of this world bridal shower, created a heart-felt scrapbook, and invested financially into creating gift bags for all bridesmaids out of pocket. If anything, I truly did invest my blood, sweat and tears to a yearlong of prepartions for her big day.
I recently got engaged at the end of summer and attended a bridal expo with my bff and 2 close girlfriends who will be my bridesmaids. My bff and I got into a little tiff right before the expo because I kept reassuring her that she did not have to attend, especially because she kept complaining it was “too far.” I gave the invitation but if she did not want make the drive, I didn’t want to force her. Also, from her experience she wasn’t a fan of these things. I was more excited for the experience. One of the friends that joined us that day had never met my bff but we talked about how she felt uneasy, because it seemed like my bff was not genuinely interested in being there or excited for me. I didn’t say anything, but that’s exactly how I felt during the whole expo, especially after we went to dinner.
This is the problem I have, I believe I am trying my best to make amends with my bff and make up for whatever mistakes I have done in the past. However, I do not feel like she’s hearing me out. It is clear that we both have hurt that has building on. But she is only concerned with the hurt that I have given to her and not vice versa. I’m not so sure if I can feel good on my big day with her as my Maid/Matron of Honor, knowing she’s probably thinking about all the ways I screwed up for her big day. And the dilemma is, if I dont ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, that’ll probably be the end of our friendship.
I know I wrote a whole novel. If you were so kind to read through this whole thing, I thank you so much for taking the time to read until the end.
I’m hurt, confused, and doubtful. I’m unsure of the future of our friendship, and quite frankly, if she is unable to work through these grudges and find forgiveness, then I don’t think I can continue this friendship, no matter how long we have been friends.