(Closed) Questioning things

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s perfectly normal to have doubts. And I think it’s natural for a relationship to evolve over time. In the 2 1/2+ years you have been together I’m sure you have both grown and changed and the relationship has to accomodate that. When you add in the stress of planning a wedding PLUS the financial strain of lost jobs, that’s really a recipe for trouble. That being said, I can TOTALLY sympathize with how you are feeling. My fiance has been off work due to an injury for almost 2 years and with no end in sight we can’t even really start planning. Every time we have a spat I find myself questioning things and wondering if it is all worth it. The answer is YES! It will all be worth it in the end. If you truly can’t imagine life without him then you have to stay strong. The “good times and bad” thing is true before the wedding also. And once you’ve gotten through the bad times, you will come out stronger on the other side. You’ll know that if you stick together you can get through anything. That’s something that makes a strong couple.

I try to remind myself that what is really important is that we are together. All the other stuff will work itself out, it always does.

Post # 5
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

First of all, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Secondly, if you guys are both having such a difficult time right now, why not postpone the wedding? Give yourselves some stress free time to get your duck in a row, and get back to a place where you’re 100% sure?

 

The pressure of quetioning things can’t help either one of you. 

I hope you feel better soon.

Post # 7
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I personally understand some of the stress your going through. My Fiance lost his job a couple weeks after we got engaged and yes it was hard for us both. Now he is working and things are slowly getting better for us. But during this time we learned to not take each other for granted. We also learned to enjoy the little stuff with each other. Trust me it will get better, the hardest part of life is finding the perfect person for you. And if you feel this he is for you then half the battle is won.

Look at all of this like a pop quiz before the test. If you pass then you guy already know some of the main information to suceed. If you fail then you know what you need to study to improve.

Good luck hun 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Well, don’t get married just because you have spent a lot of money already. It is always cheaper to cancel a wedding than it is to get a divorce OR have a miserable marriage (emotional cost is much more important than financial!).

I was hesitant to post, simply as I cannot relate to these doubts.  My husband and I had a short engagement, but I was always very excited and looking forward to marrying him (and remain excited about being married to him to this day).

Some concerns for me are that you are fighting more frequently, not communicating with him effectively about how you feel, and that he is pushing for the marriage to go ahead even if there are concerns.

I understand there is certainly external stressors on you right now with the unemployment, but life is going to throw lots of tough stuff your way over the years and if this results in you fighting with each other more rather than supporting each other in a healthy way, then that is a concern.

I don’t want to be a Negative Nelly, but I do have a couple friends who had similar doubts shortly before they got married, and they are both divorced now (in less than two years from marriage). One of them did continue through with the marriage as the invitations were already sent. Yikes! He has said he wished he had ended it after all, whatever his family thought. I call this “already booked the caterer” syndrome. Don’t fall into this mindset!

I am glad you are going to therapy. I encourage you to be very honest and open with your therapist and hopefully you can sort out your feelings. I would encourage couples counseling, as well, to deal with the issues you are fighting about and develop better conflict resolution skills.

 

What I do know is do not get married until you are both in a healthy and positive place, as individuals and as a couple and you DO feel very positive and excited about getting married! This does not mean you need to break up, but just postpone. Again, better to postpone, wait until you are both ready, and lose some money then get married due to some deadline you have put on yourself.

Post # 10
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

you both need to refocus your thoughts and be the person you both fell in love with.

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