(Closed) Questions…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Good post! I know a bunch of bees are like me and were very direct. I basically emailed him a couple of styles I liked because he had mentioned he really didnt know what I would like. I thought it would speed up the process. LOL. Also since we share the computer I would leave little saved icons on the computer just for added inspiration. I truly want a colored stone and have said this numerous times but who knows what he will come up with. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Gee..to be honest with ya

 

It seems like it may be more of a financial thing with him.  He seems really frustrated anytime you bring it up…rings anyway. 

My SO was like that too and that is why he acted the way he did.  He was telling me that it was just upsetting him that I kept bringing up something that he just couldn’t afford right now (which was a year ago).  Bringing up the cost of rings/weddings/families/a house, it just got him overwhelmed financially…and as you girls all know,money can bring the worst out in ppl.

 

But we had a good discussion about it.  Told him I wasn’t in any rush and was willing to wait until we were both financially ready to move to the next step.  Perhaps, do what you were wanting to do and just have a talk with him.  Tell him, its not for now, but when he’s ready to do this.

Post # 5
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just to add when I copied and pasted the picture I also had the price on there so he knew it wasnt to expensive. Plus we have always had the discussion of not wanting the 2 month salary ring because thats not important to us as a couple only that I love my ring and he loves it too and of course that its beautiful! LOL

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think one of two things may be going on. He might be worried that your tastes are going to be too expensive for him, or he might want to pick out the ring on his own and surprise you rather than get guidance from you. I think if it’s the former, you’re right to try to show him what you want. But if it’s the latter, it would probably be best to leave him alone and let him pick the ring he wants to give you.

I personally would probably ask straight out, with something like “I’ve noticed you change the subject whenever I bring up rings. If you’re doing that because you don’t want me to get involved in picking it out, I definitely understand. But I hope you’re not worried that I am expecting something that will blow your budget – my favorite types of rings are actually a lot cheaper than you might imagine, which is why I’ve been trying to bring it up.”

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I agree with Girlwitharing, a direct and succinct approach might be best here, so that you can clearly inform him that you don’t want him to spend much on the ring. Make sure he doesn’t feel cornered, and it might help if you just say it and then end the conversation (“And I just wanted to let you know, but I don’t feel we need to discuss it if you don’t want to” and then turn on the TV or leave the room or something). Be clear that you aren’t trying to pressure him into proposing sooner than he is comfortable doing, but that you just wanted to make sure he understands how inexpensive your taste is.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would really hesitate here. I think incidental comments when you are in or passing by a jewelry store are fine, but as for specifically sitting him down and showing him pictures or emailing him…bad plan. It all depends on your relationship, but in general I think it’s best to give a man time to come to the decision on his own and execute it on his own. Giving him an amount, even if it is small, is akin to telling him how much he needs to spend to have your hand in marriage. I think especially if a man is reluctant to talk about it he is either not ready or so ready that he doesn’t want to spoil the surprise!

Since getting engaged, one of the things my fiance has mentioned to me is how happy he was that I didn’t show him a bunch of ring pictures or leave bridal magazines around or otherwise drop a bunch of heavy hints. He really wanted to do it on his own and letting him do that made it so amazingly special.

I know it can be hard when you are ready, but give your guy a chance to wow and surprise you and show you how much he loves you in his own way. He’s not going to feel better because you show him a ring that doesn’t cost very much…chances are he has a budget in mind already and he isn’t going to be satisfied by spending either less (he’d feel bad) or more (might not be able to) than that.

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