Post # 1
I’ve been trying not to mention engagment or rings much at all for a while–my Boyfriend or Best Friend is trying to save for my ring at the moment (see previous post on waiting intefinitely) and I want to give him time to do that without nagging about it. But whenever I bring up rings (not marriage in general, just rings) in any way, shape or form, he always shuts down the topic pretty quickly and says things like, “when I win the lottery babe…”
We talk about marriage and engagment and kids all the time (we’ve lived together for 6 months now)–it comes up regularly in conversation and it’s really not a big deal for us to talk about it; we’ve known we’re going to get married for a while and talk about wedding details regularly too. But whenever I try to drop hints about my ring size or what I think is pretty (like when a commercial comes on TV and I say, “oh that setting’s nice” or something), he either doesn’t say anything and pretends he’s busy or changes the subject quickly, and I just don’t understand why.
I’m a bit picky when it comes to my future e-ring (although I think I’d love anything he gave me just because it was from him), so I’d really like to just be able to give him an idea of what I want…and I think he’s exaggerating in his head how much it’s going to cost as well when in reality the ring I want is much less expensive than even the traditional “two month’s salery.” So I’d just like for him to be able to know exactly what he’s saving for, how much he’ll need to save (so he doesn’t make me wait longer for no reason), what to get when he does have enough, etc.
But I’m not sure how to bring it up in a way that won’t make him shut down the conversation. I’ve even thought about just e-mailing him a picture and the price and saying: “just for whenever you’re ready, so you know…” but my brain vetoed that pretty fast. 🙂 Any advice would be very helpful!
Post # 3
Good post! I know a bunch of bees are like me and were very direct. I basically emailed him a couple of styles I liked because he had mentioned he really didnt know what I would like. I thought it would speed up the process. LOL. Also since we share the computer I would leave little saved icons on the computer just for added inspiration. I truly want a colored stone and have said this numerous times but who knows what he will come up with. 🙂
Post # 4
Gee..to be honest with ya
It seems like it may be more of a financial thing with him. He seems really frustrated anytime you bring it up…rings anyway.
My SO was like that too and that is why he acted the way he did. He was telling me that it was just upsetting him that I kept bringing up something that he just couldn’t afford right now (which was a year ago). Bringing up the cost of rings/weddings/families/a house, it just got him overwhelmed financially…and as you girls all know,money can bring the worst out in ppl.
But we had a good discussion about it. Told him I wasn’t in any rush and was willing to wait until we were both financially ready to move to the next step. Perhaps, do what you were wanting to do and just have a talk with him. Tell him, its not for now, but when he’s ready to do this.
Post # 5
Just to add when I copied and pasted the picture I also had the price on there so he knew it wasnt to expensive. Plus we have always had the discussion of not wanting the 2 month salary ring because thats not important to us as a couple only that I love my ring and he loves it too and of course that its beautiful! LOL
Post # 6
I think one of two things may be going on. He might be worried that your tastes are going to be too expensive for him, or he might want to pick out the ring on his own and surprise you rather than get guidance from you. I think if it’s the former, you’re right to try to show him what you want. But if it’s the latter, it would probably be best to leave him alone and let him pick the ring he wants to give you.
I personally would probably ask straight out, with something like “I’ve noticed you change the subject whenever I bring up rings. If you’re doing that because you don’t want me to get involved in picking it out, I definitely understand. But I hope you’re not worried that I am expecting something that will blow your budget – my favorite types of rings are actually a lot cheaper than you might imagine, which is why I’ve been trying to bring it up.”
Post # 7
I agree with Girlwitharing, a direct and succinct approach might be best here, so that you can clearly inform him that you don’t want him to spend much on the ring. Make sure he doesn’t feel cornered, and it might help if you just say it and then end the conversation (“And I just wanted to let you know, but I don’t feel we need to discuss it if you don’t want to” and then turn on the TV or leave the room or something). Be clear that you aren’t trying to pressure him into proposing sooner than he is comfortable doing, but that you just wanted to make sure he understands how inexpensive your taste is.
Post # 8
I would really hesitate here. I think incidental comments when you are in or passing by a jewelry store are fine, but as for specifically sitting him down and showing him pictures or emailing him…bad plan. It all depends on your relationship, but in general I think it’s best to give a man time to come to the decision on his own and execute it on his own. Giving him an amount, even if it is small, is akin to telling him how much he needs to spend to have your hand in marriage. I think especially if a man is reluctant to talk about it he is either not ready or so ready that he doesn’t want to spoil the surprise!
Since getting engaged, one of the things my fiance has mentioned to me is how happy he was that I didn’t show him a bunch of ring pictures or leave bridal magazines around or otherwise drop a bunch of heavy hints. He really wanted to do it on his own and letting him do that made it so amazingly special.
I know it can be hard when you are ready, but give your guy a chance to wow and surprise you and show you how much he loves you in his own way. He’s not going to feel better because you show him a ring that doesn’t cost very much…chances are he has a budget in mind already and he isn’t going to be satisfied by spending either less (he’d feel bad) or more (might not be able to) than that.