(Closed) Questions about Catholicism

• MissShork
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: July 2011

I’ll do my best to answer a few questions.

I believe you should be able to Catholic ceremony. My Catholic baptized brother married a women with a baptism in a different Christian denomination. As long as one person was brought up Catholic, the church doesn’t usually any problems. You probably will have a liturgy, instead of a full mass (ie. no communion distributed).

You don’t need to convert to be married in the church.

As far as living together, most priests know that the majority of engaged people are living together. It probably won’t even come up, except maybe in a marriage prep class. You will be required to do a Catholic marriage prep class. The sexuality unit can rub people the wrong way, but otherwise everyone I talk to has found it very helpful in their marriage.

In my city, the churches are pretty stickly about getting married at a church you or your parents attend or are registered at. Priests often don’t like “church shopping”, when you just try to find the prettiest church. But if you talk to a priest you can often permission to be married somewhere else.

• KES
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: October 2010

I am Catholic and my Fiance is not. I think a lot of people have varying experiences based on which parish and which priest they talk to so I can only speak from my experience. Fiance and I completed our pre-cana classes and were never specifically asked if we lived together or not, and we never discussed sex at all. I have been confirmed but I was never asked about this. They did require baptism certificates from both of us. You do not have to convert to marry a Catholic. The church does ask you plan to raise your children Catholic, we said we would but also expose them to my FI’s faith (Lutheran). Our meetings went very well and I had no issues with the deacons we talked to. I belive you can get married at any Catholic church that agrees to it as long as your complete whatever requirements they have. They may only let you have a liturgy of the word ceremony instead of a full mass but that also is up to the specific church. My best advice would be to call the church you have in mind to get married at and set up a meeting with the priest or deacon, you, and your Fiance. They will let you know everything you have questions about.

• Neva
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: June 2010

@STBSchmidt:

Does he need to be confirmed in order to have a true Catholic ceremony? 

Yes, To have a Catholic wedding, one of the parties must be a confirmed Catholic.  

Do I need to convert?

No.  Only one of you must be Catholic. 

And do we need to live apart for some amount of time before we can get married?

No.  The priest will likely encourage you to do so, but cannot refuse you the sacrament of marriage because you are living together.   

Are we “supposed” to get married in the church he attended (his parents have also only been attending mass sporadically over the last few years)? 

You are really I think “supposed to” get married in the parish to which you belong.  But you can marry in any Catholic church.  The prettier ones in higher demand are more expensive, however.

If you are really interested in a Catholic ceremony, you should both just sit down with a priest and discuss your options.  You have plenty of time to get him confirmed before the wedding.  You can also discuss with the priest the option of getting a dispensation to have the wedding in your church and have it still recognized by the Catholic church.

• estrellastar
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: August 2011

Does he need to be confirmed in order to have a true Catholic ceremony? 

Yes, To have a Catholic wedding, one of the parties must be a confirmed Catholic. 

This is incorrect.  Confirmation is encouraged, but not required.  Fiance and I were both raised catholic but neither was confirmed and when I asked about it, the wedding coordinator at the Cathedral where we were getting married said, “I know it sounds odd that you don’t have to be confirmed, but it’s true.”  Confirmation is a big time commitment so as long as [the catholic party says he/she plans on getting confirmed, that should be sufficient.  And truth be told, they may not even ask.

Are we “supposed” to get married in the church he attended (his parents have also only been attending mass sporadically over the last few years)?

We are getting married 300 miles from the church that I grew up in and over 3000 miles from the one where he grew up.  Neither of us belonged to a parish before we got engaged but we registered for one in our area that had a bilingual spanish-english priest since we wanted a bilingual priest to preside at our wedding.  The wedding will not be at our parish church, however, and instead will be at the Cathedral of our local archdiocese. 

That said, we got very lucky in that our priest is very flexible about the fact that we didn’t register to become members sooner.  We also considered registering at the Cathedral itself and the priest there would not talk to us until we had been registered parishoners for six months; then, after we registered, we could not get married for another 3 or 9 months (I don’t remember which).

I recommend you talk to the priest at the church you sporadically attend and see if he will marry you (you will probably need to register and start donating $).  If he agrees, he can get a dispensation to marry you at a cathedral (or a different church).

• CoffeeHound
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: January 1991

There are some conflicting things here, so I’m going to cite references.

Can.  1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3W.HTM

What constitute a “grave inconvenience” depends, but is usually something like a quickie wedding before a military deployment.  In general, he should be confirmed before married unless there’s a special situation

Can.  1124 Without express permission of the competent authority, a marriage is prohibited between two baptized persons of whom one is baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of whom is enrolled in a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the Catholic Church.

Can.  1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P41.HTM

This says that a baptized Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic is permitted with permision from the local ordinary (i.e. bishop). As long as the Catholic party is OK making the promises listed above under “1” then that permission is basically automatic.

Denial of marriage — Since cohabitation is not in itself a canonical impediment to marriage, the couple may not be refused marriage solely on the basis of cohabitation. Marriage preparation may continue even if the couple refuses to separate. Pastoral ministers can be assured that to assist couples in regularizing their situation is not to approve of cohabitation.

http://www.usccb.org/laity/marriage/cohabiting.shtml

Marriage between two baptized individuals is a sacrament, and like all sacraments, your Catholic Fiance will need to go to Confession to be in a state of grace before receiving the sacrament.  To be absolved of his sins, he needs to live separately before going to confession.  Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to separate a month in advance – he could confess before the rehearsal and then stay in a hotel room that night (or you could).

Can.  1115 Marriages are to be celebrated in a parish where either of the contracting parties has a domicile, quasidomicile, or month long residence or, if it concerns transients, in the parish where they actually reside. With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P40.HTM

Technically you’re supposed to be married at the church where either of you live, even if you’ve never been there.  Practically, you can get married at any Catholic church.  Since pastors approve those without even reading them most of the time.  That’s how common it is.

• senoritaroll
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: September 2011

You probably got all the answers that you need, but I’m going to chime in, too!  We had the exact same questions that you both do/did, except my Fiance and I bought a house together 2 years ago!  The church that we went to was sooo open to our situation.  You should have no issues getting married in a Catholic church from what you’ve mentioned.  Good luck!

• twoangels
• 8 years ago

• Wedding: April 2010

Great answer Coffeehound!