- 8 years ago
I wasn’t sure whether to post this here or on the Interfaith boards so hope it’s in the right place!
My SO is Jewish. He attends a Reform synagogue. He is not particularly observant, but he goes to schul on the High Holydays, is bar mitzvahed, and his family celebrates Pesach and the major festivals.
My parents are aetheist, and I was raised with no religious education. My maternal great-grandmother, however, was Jewish.
SO and I have been together for 6 years. We’re not officially engaged yet but it will probably happen in the next few months. I have to make a huge decision as to whether or not to convert. We’ve been living together for 3 years and I participate in his Jewish life. i go to synagogue and everyone has been very welcoming. i really enjoy Shabbat dinner so SO and I do it most Friday nights, just on our own. This year, however, I have started to feel awkward and uncertain about my role in relation to his Judaism, because we’re not engaged yet. I am not a religious person, but I think Judaism offers a great deal of wisdom and beauty. I also like the sense of feeling connected to a community, and a people with a great history. i never had this growing up. Also, if I convert, then our children will be recognised as Jewish within the Reform schul. Is that reason enough to convert, or do you think I need more religious feeling?
If I convert, I am afraid that it will be almost meaningless seeing as SO is not particularly religious. SO’s sister never comes to schul any more and her boyfriend has no intention of converting, so it would make it even stranger if I do.
In a way it’s hard because his family is so relaxed about it. They don’t mind whether I convert or not. This is great, but sometimes I think it would be easier if they were clear that if I wanted to marry SO, I had to convert. My parents, on the other hand, are not keen about me raising my children as Jews because, as I said, they’re strong aetheists. I can’t really have a sensible conversation with them about it because it’s an ideological issue.
Any insight from the hive would be much appreciated. As we’re not officially engaged I think it would be presumptuous to speak to a rabbi or person from the synagogue about this. However, I would like to be clear about this now, before we get engaged.