(Closed) Questions for Jewish Brides or Brides of Jewish Grooms

posted 8 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Congratulations on getting engaged!!  I married a Jewish man, and although I did convert, I can still answer your questions fairly well.

We’re Reform Jews, and although I’m not sure what form of Judaism your Fiance practices, your best bet for a rabbi who will marry you would be a Reform rabbi.  It varies from individual to individual, but most rabbis who do interfaith ceremonies are Reform.  I would ask your FI’s parents to ask around in the Jewish community to find someone for you, or you could even google it.

I know one of the Reform rabbis in town here used to have a website for his officiant duties because he did a TON of interfaith weddings.

You can have a chuppah and maybe you’d even want a ketubah, which is the Jewish marriage contract.  You can check some of them out here.

If you can find a rabbi flexible enough to do an interfaith ceremony, he should give you a good amount of flexibility in what you say to each other throughout the ceremony.  We did traditional vows, but that was because we chose not to write our own.  I didn’t think that I’d be able to make it through the vows without crying, so I figured we’d be better off sticking with regular ones.

Good luck with the planning!

Post # 4
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think if you are willing to do a Jewish ceremony (rather than an interfaith ceremony with Christian and Jewish traditions), it shouldn’t be very hard to find a rabbi to marry you. We found some leads just by searching online and asking other interfaith couples on websites like this one. It might cost $500-$1000 (Based on my experience), and they are usually pretty flexible. 

Post # 7
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

@KiraBee

It’s good to be thinking about this sort of thing before you get engaged!! Like I said, I converted before we got married, and because it takes a year, I started the process before we got engaged.  Although I started the process under the assumption that we would be getting engaged.  When my husband asked me if I was ready to start the conversion process I said “so is this sort of you preemptively asking me to marry you??” and he said yes.  Haha.

The process took a year and I had to learn about and celebrate all the Jewish holidays.  Our process was a bit more relaxed than some others I’ve heard of, because our rabbi was in Florida (at my in-laws synagogue) and we were living in Georgia where we went to school.  We’d have phone dates with the rabbi once a month and we’d meet with him in person when we were home for the holidays.  Overall it was a fairly easy and informative process.

I was never a hard core Catholic before, so converting wasn’t a huge change for me. My parents were totally cool with it, which was sort of surprising, but I did it for the sake of our future children.  I knew my husband wanted to raise our kids Jewish, and it would just be easier if we were all the same religion. We’ll still celebrate Christmas, but it’ll be about Santa and not Jesus.

If you have any more questions, just ask, I’m happy to answer them!!

Post # 8
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am a Catholic bride, and my fiance is Jewish. We couldn’t find a Rabbi to co-officiate, so we just got a Cantor from a synagogue (Cantors have the power to marry in the Jewish faith), and I am in the process of getting a priest to perform the Christian portion of the ceremony.

Even though you aren’t having an “interfaith” ceremony, a WONDERFUL book I  have been reading is called “Celebrating Interfaith Marriages: Creating Your Jewish/Christian Ceremony” by Rabbi Devon Lerner. I cannot say enough about how helpful this book has been to me in planning my wedding. I got it on Amazon for like 12 bucks. It would be a great book for you to read- it’s not all interfaith- there are sections in there for planning a Jewish wedding as well. It has been enormously helpful and can help answer many of your questions.

Best of luck to you! 🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am doing the same thing as you; I am marrying a Jewish man and we are having a Jewish ceremony.  We found a Reform rabbi in the area that frequently performs interfaith ceremonies and she told us that we can personalize parts, such as the vows, and we can add things as long as there are no references to Jesus (not a problem for us). 

Good luck in finding your Rabbi! 

Post # 11
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Im jewish and my Boyfriend or Best Friend is not.. but more than likely we will have a Justice of the Peace marry us.. We both want certain things in the wedding from both of our faiths so to us it just seemed fitting.

Post # 12
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

kirabee- we didn’t find it difficult at all.  We actually took an Introduction to Judaism class last summer and she was one of the rabbis that taught the class.  She had mentioned during the class that she performs tons of interfaith marriages, and I loved her teaching style, so she was a great fit for us.  We don’t know right now if there is going to be a fee (FI forgot to ask her when we met with her- oops!!!) but I suppose it’s possible, especially since we are not members of her synagogue. 

I would just check in your area for Reform synagogues and start emailing Rabbis to find out if they perform interfaith ceremonies.  As long as their rabbinical organization does not forbid it, they should be able to perform your ceremony, particularly since you said you want to have a Jewish ceremony.  And as far as finding out if the rabbi is right for you guys, I would suggest attending shabbat services some Saturday to check out how they speak in public.  We were able to weed out some of our choices that way, since we were not impressed with some of the rabbis (some of them were kind of dry and boring).

I hope this helps! 

Post # 13
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We had a rabbi for our interfaith wedding.  (Well, “interfaith” is a bit of an overstatement, since my wife has no faith at all, but she definitely is not Jewish.)  We tried about four Reform rabbis who would not perform such ceremonies.  (Interestingly, none of them had an issue with a same-sex wedding, but all had an issue with an interfaith wedding.)  However, someone in the congregation of the last one we tried referred us to a rabbi who would perform such ceremonies.  His fees were high, but he worked with us throughout the planning process, and was very flexible in the ceremony details.  Checking with http://www.interfaithfamily.com/ or Googling “rabbi interfaith wedding” plus the name of the town may help you find rabbis open to performing such weddings.

Post # 14
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

i would definitely check out the book “the new jewish wedding” by anita diamant…it is very helpful in understanding Jewish wedding traditions and goes into depth about the ceremony, etc.  I think you will find it very interesting (my fiance and I are both Jewish, and I still got this book for myself, our moms and sisters!)

Post # 15
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

If your soon-to-be fiance is Reform, then it’s definitely possible that even his family’s Rabbi could be the one to marry you two, especially since you mentioned that it would be a Jewish wedding and not an interfaith wedding…I would be very surprised if you had much trouble finding a Rabbi, as long as they are Reform…Good luck and def ask any more questions you can think of, it can never hurt! 

Post # 16
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am so excited that you are wanting a Jewish wedding…I have never been to one but they seem to be so beautiful and really meaningful.

my fiance and I are Non-Jews but we live under the covenant of noah (Bnei Noahs/Noahides). our Rabbi, an Orthodox Rabbi, will be officiating our wedding! This is so exciting for us. I was just thinking if you live in the indiana/illinois area I could give you some suggestions.

We have yet to meet with him regarding details of the wedding because he lives 7 hours away but from what i have read it should be pretty flexible.

But we do plan our having a Chuppah and a Ketubah. Not sure if we can break glass and/or what the Rabbi plans on saying…I am so eager to know!!!

Congratulations!!

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