Post # 1
We want to do a no kids wedding because we are trying to keep our numbers small and also because we know it will keep specific people from coming that we don’t want there but felt obligated to invite (cousins) who have many kids.
Here is my question. For those of you who had a no kids wedding.
1) did you indicate it on the invites? At the moment i only have a line at the end of the formal invite that says, “adult reception to follow” after the ceremony. I am worried that won’t be enough.
2) Did people still call you and ask for clarification about kids?
3) Our invites are email invitations. They do not allow a person to RSVP for more than is listed on the evite, however there is a section for comments that i am thinking of removing incase people think they can add plus ones in there we didn’t give. The invites all clearly say how many people are invited per invite and clearly state the names of all invitees in a family unit. For example, Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be on the invite and no mention of their kids would be included nor any plus ones indicated. Is that clear enough?
4) Do you put the no kids rule somewhere in the details where you list the location, directions, and recommended hotels in the area?
Any advice is welcome!
Oh and also, my cousin just got married and they had a no kids wedding. They got away with having their step siblings in it because they put them in the actual wedding ceremony. We wish to do this as well so that the 3 children we do want at our wedding to be there without other people grumbling about it. ANyone else do that? We do plan to let any breastfeeding mothers have their babies at the wedding because we felt that was fair as they can’t be away from their babies.
Post # 2
I didn’t have a no kid wedding but I have a close cousin who did recently. She said she indicated the no kids on their website and still had people trying to include their kids. Her venue didnt allow for kids and she didn’t want to have them anyway because they increase the numbers significantly which increases costs. She also had a destination wedding and those that wanted to go went. She often vented to me that people were still trying to bring their kids but she stood firm and in the end she had the wedding she wanted. Those that were willing to leave their kids home did and those that didnt, didnt.
Post # 3
1) I put 19+ event at the bottom of the invite
2) Yes, but mainly Mother-In-Law checking to see if so-and-so’s kid could come. We said no.
3) I think that’s fine. Include a space for dietary issues but no space needed on the invite/rsvp page.
4) We had an FAQ on our website that said something like “are children invited? Unfortunately we cannot accomodate children.” Something simple.
Personally I think if you are telling everyone it’s CHILD FREE then it should be free of all children. If you want to make exceptions for some children, I would just do your plan in #3 and name who you want to invite. As soon as you start adveriting it as child free and people show up and there are kids there I think they could get upset. A blanket rule with holes in it doesn’t cover well.
Post # 4
1. I was taught that it is impolite to say who is NOT invited on the invitation, so we did not say “No Children” or “Adults Only”. We addressed the invitations by name to those who were invited. We indicated the number of seats they were allotted on the rsvp card (not necessary for online rsvp’s).
2. One couple asked about their children.We responded ” We are unable to accommodate children. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.” They managed to find a sitter.
3. I would keep the comments section. If someone tries to add their children, you can respond by email given that they chose not to speak to you personally about it.
4. You could mention that you have chosen a child free or adult only wedding on the website.I would not call it a rule. It’s a choice, which you are entitled to make.
5. It is fine to have the only children be the ones in the wedding party.
Post # 5
I did the same as above pp.
On my wedding website, it has an FAQ saying, “We love children, but we unfortunately cannot accomodate blah blah..”
Post # 6
beeyouteefal : Great! Super helpful. I have added “Event is age15+ ” to our invite to be clear. Thanks! Good tip!
Post # 7
First let me say I am sorry you felt obligated to invite people you didn’t want to the wedding, I feel it’s your special day and you should pick who you want to share it with regardless of who the people are, you have the rights to make your wedding perfect for you and if that includes no children then so be it! I am sure parents can find sitters or something and it would prob be a nice night away from kids anyways… and because it is YOUR wedding you have the right to choose who is in the wedding party even if that includes kids.. that doesn’t give a free pass for everyone else to bring theirs. A friends wedding that I went to had NO KIDS on their invites, and had an open space for songs for the DJ to play, they had 3 Kids in their wedding but once the ceremony portion was done, and about an hour after dinner was over the kids left, so the reception portion was completly child free
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
We addressed our invites to specifically just the adults. Our electronic RSVP system did not allow people to RSVP for more people than we designated, and we did not put a comment box on the RSVP so people couldn’t write anything in. We also put something in the Q/A of our wedding website that says something like:
Q: Are children allowed to attend?
A: Unfortunately we are unable to accomodate children that are outside the bridal party.
We haven’t had any problems so far with that setup.
Post # 9
mrsssb : Any designation on the invitation is improper. Invitations are supposed to offer hospitality, not be exclusive. It’s considered rude to appear to think so little of your guests that you assume they do not know how to read an invitation, or that they would crash a wedding with uninvited guests.
The proper way to handle is individually. If someone has the nerve to add additional guests, you can reply that you are sorry for any misunderstanding but the invitation was for the couple. You can either offer child care resources or say you’re sorry if it means they can’t attend.
It is perfectly appropriate to include immediate family children only and not at all necessary that they be given roles in the wedding party to do so. Children, like other guests are quite often invited by category, for example siblings, nieces and nephews only.
Contrary to popular belief, children in the wedding party are guests first and foremost who have been given a role. The role itself does not justify having them there at the exclusion of other children related in the same exact way.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
We did a Q&A section on our wedding website and addressed it there. We just said that we were unable to accommodate children and understood if people couldn’t attend because of that.
We had one couple ask and just said that we weren’t having kids at the wedding. They didn’t make a big deal out of it.
We did paper and online RSVPS but nobody tried to add anybody.
Post # 11
mrsssb : Even though technically it’s rude for people to assume that their invite includes their children, a lot of people will assume that. And they might RSVP without mentioning the kids, thinking it’s not a big deal.. not everyone lives by tradtional ettiquette or sees that as being rude.
I would add something to your website stating no kids, and if someone asks you about the kids, just let them know it’s an adult only function.
The friends and family we have that have children were excited about a night out without kids, except Mother-In-Law who really wanted our nephew there… that took more than one “no”.
Post # 12
Traditionally etiquette dictates that only those who are listed on the address of the invitation are invited. Unfortunately etiquette is just one value that seems to be lacking as we move through generations. It used to be that putting “adults only” on the invitation wasn’t something that was considered proper, but sadly, now it’s almost what you have to do because the vast majority of people have NO CLUE about formal event etiquette. That coupled with the fact that many people in smaller towns are used to casual weddings where everyone is invited, it would just never cross their mind that their kids wouldn’t be.
I had a kid-free wedding and I’d do it again 100%.What we did:
- Addressed the invite only to those two were invited.
- The reception card read (in a pretty design to make it more like artwork) “Please join us for an adult evening of dinner, drinks & dancing”.
- Lastly, the RSVP line read something similar to:
- __2__ seats have been reserved in your honor. Number attending:______
Everyone was invited as a couple or “and guest” if they were single, so pretty much every blank we wrote in “2” for the number invited.
We did have quiet a few family members that declined which was totally fine by me. Honestly I’ve found in all my years those who typically RSVP no over it being kid-free are people you aren’t that close with anyway. Not a single VIP declined over the kid issue. The people who did were family members we rarely if ever see and who were invited only out of obligation. The biggest regret I have is that we cut some people Darling Husband would have like to have been there (mostly his friends from growing up) due to space to accommodate his large family and they’re all the ones who declined.
Post # 13
jaydeeplatinum : Thanks! It does suck and is unfortunate. I have cousins I wanted invited but if we invite my cousins my fiance felt we had to invite his cousins. He has way more cousins than I do, and all of them have around 3 kids each. So them attending with kids kind of explodes our guest list apart haha.
Good or bad news is that it is about a 5 hr drive from those cousins with kids and we doubt many would want to spend the money to come, and also leave their kids to do so. So hopefully they all decline.
It really does stink that you have to invite people you dont want there. SHouldn’t the real etiqquite rule be, if a person wants to be included in family weddings, than they should actually make an effort to regularly be in that person’s life? I wish that was the standard of inviting people. Because many of these people are not in fiance’s life in any real meaningful way. Clearly they don’t really care if they don’t put in effort to maintain a relationship, so i really hate having to include people that make no effort.
Post # 14
mrsssb : Again, why don’t you just invite all of your cousins without their children? You are assuming a rule about inviting all or no children that does not exist and never has. If you are consistent people have no justification to be upset. And if they are, that’s their problem.
Post # 15
we had a kids free wedding. we invited people by name on the invitation. we had absolutely no issues.
DH’s cousin’s older 2 girls were flower girls. the younger one hung out in a hotel room with the babysitter. then the older 2 girls joined their sister. and i think the babysitter took the girls back to their house, while parents partied and stay overnight.