(Closed) Questions from a virgin…

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We keep tissues by the bed, I find it’s the easiest for clean up. 

How messy period sex is depends on how heavy your period is and what day you do it on. We don’t really do period sex but if we do, it’s in the shower.

My husband has complained once or twice if I’ve shaved and it’s started to grow back a little about it rubbing his weird but it’s never really been a problem.

I fucking hate lube so we never use it for vaginal sex. I self-lubricact well and we pretty much always do a good amount of foreplay and it’s not once been a problem. If you do decide to use lube, I personally prefer silicon based lube over water based lube but it’s all personal preference (assuming you aren’t using toys because you can’t use silicon based lube with silicon toys).

My biggest tip though is to stop worrying. I didn’t know any of these before my first time and it was fine. My husband and I learned as we went and it’s been a fun and exciting journey to take with him. You don’t need to be an expert before you’ve even had sex. Just be open and honest with each other, be willing to laugh, and remember that the most important thing is the connection that the two of you share. You’ll figure all the rest out as you go.

ETA: Sex has never been painful for me, even the first time. Everyone is different. Just go slow and make sure to communicate with each other.

Post # 3
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Hi bee! You might get different answers from various bees, because some of what you’re asking is specific or subjective, but here goes with my answers:

1. When you stand up, the semen does drip out, but it can also come out when you’re lying down and you’ll get a wet spot on the bed. Tissue work, if the bed is wet, you can put a towel down, but you should ALWAYS go to the bathroom after sex in order to pee to prevent UTIs which really hurt. 

2. Period sex is as messy or as clean as you want it to be. Put a towel down, have sex in the shower, or try using a period cup like Instead (softcup). I use them in general for my period, but you have it in and still have sex, unlike tampons, and it’s much less messy. 

3. Shaving can be uncomfortable for both of you, depending on preference, how often you have sex, how vigorous you both are, etc. If you prefer shaving, try it out and if your Darling Husband tells you it’s uncomfortable, go from there. If you wax, make sure you don’t have sex for 24 hours after, because you’ll be really, really tender and it’ll hurt. 

4. If you are naturally lubricated, you don’t need to use more lube – it’s possible to be too lubed in my opinion. It’s really about preference, and you might want to have lube on hand for days when you’re dehydrated, taking longer than you’d prefer, or something. A water-based lube is best. 

5. Yes. It hurts, especially if it’s kind of forceful, but if you’re communicating, you’ll be fine. 

My biggest tips are to know that it’ll probably suck the first time, just because it’ll probably hurt, but the more you do it and the more experienced you get, the better it’ll be.

Also, don’t be afraid to communicate – talk through it, say when you like something, or when you don’t, and don’t be afraid to laugh. Sex is never perfect, but it can be awesome when you’re on the same page, and you can’t be on the same page unless you’re talking to each other. 

Good luck bee!

Post # 4
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

vatoca1016 :  So, I think a good tip is to embrace the messiness of sex.  It’s kinda gross and sweaty and sticky, but you know, super duper worth it after you get the hang of it. Don’t overthink not getting semen anywhere – it’s going to happen and it’s okay.  Period sex is a personal preference kind of thing, but yeah, it can get messy.  I tend to go the bathroom after sex (which is also a good tip to avoid a UTI) and that usually aids in semen cleanup.  Wash the sheets, throw down a towel, relish in your hot sexy times, whatever floats your boat.  

I wax, but I’ve shaved on occasion or even just had hair grown in.  My husband is usually just pretty stoked to be getting laid, so he’s never complained.

It may be nice to have lube on hand, but it may not be necessary.  Kind of a play it by ear thing.  Also, that can change as you age.

Sex can and likely will hurt the first few times.  Just take your time and have him take his time. You guys have already started to learn what one another likes, so include that in your foreplay.  And make sure you include foreplay.  Sex is not just about going to poundtown – enjoy each other’s bodies.  Quickies are great, but keep those in your pocket for down the road.   

My best advice to you is to communicate with your husband.  If something hurts, tell him, if you like something DEFINITELY tell him.  If you don’t want him to do something, tell him, if you DO want him to do something tell him.  I spent too many years thinking that sex was all about the man’s pleasure and faking orgasms (don’t do it!!!) and thinking I shouldn’t stop a partner if it hurt me in whatever position for whatever reason.  Learn from my mistakes! You’ll be fine!

Post # 5
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We are here to help! For semen, if he does finish inside you, yes it’ll leak out. We usually keep a towel by the bed so he can hand it to me immediately. But you can do any of the things you mentioned, waddle to the bathroom (although in this case I’d keep your hand up against yourself).

Period sex I can’t comment on as I’ve never done it.

For shaving, it may if you have any stubble coming in. I think it’s worse if both people shave and have stubble coming in. But if he doesn’t, it’s more likely going to be uncomfortable for you, not him.

We never use lube. That’s really just a personal choice. If you self lubricate enough, then I don’t see any need for it. You can always play it by ear and just try it without it the first few times. I’d only use it if you find sex to be uncomfortable/dry. Once you guys start having sex, you will be able to tell whether you need some sort of lubrication or not.

For hitting the cervix, it doesn’t necesarrily ever HURT me, but it can be uncomfortable and more so in certain positions. If Darling Husband is behind me and hitting my cervix, it literally feels like he’s hitting my guts, like he’s somehow gotten up into my stomach haha. I don’t even know how to explain it right. But it’s really not painful as much as it’s uncomfortable.

Don’t stress too much over how things will go, you guys will definitely learn each others bodies, what each other likes, what works for you guys, etc. I’m sure you both are very nervous and very excited- so congrats!!!!

<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”> </div>

Post # 6
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

OK, I’ll start by answering your questions as best as I can.

1. Yes, semen can drip out and will eventually. It has to go somewhere. Towels might be a good thing to have handy, otherwise toilet paper, paper towels, tissue, whatever you are comfortable having near you. It won’t flow out like a water spout, so you probably won’t have to “waddle” but going to the bathroom is also a possibility.

2. The amount of mess that period sex is depends on how heavy your period is and what time during the week you do it at. I would put a towel under you/him to make sure nothing gets on the bed.

3. I don’t think shaving/not shaving could chafe him. I would just stick with what you are comfortable doing.

4. If you are self-lubriating that well, you don’t need lube. If you start to get dry at any point then you would need lube. Your body changes, so sometimes you might need lube and other times you don’t. Make sure you don’t have any sensitivities to latex or stuff like that. All lubes make me burn. I have tried many kinds, “natural” “sensitive” etc, I have to shower them all off as soon as I put them on.

5. It feels like pressure when he hits your cervix. I don’t find it painful but it is different for everyone.

Post # 7
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

These questions have been answered here- Just keep an open communication and try different things out to see what you like.  Most of these questions are in regards to preference.  

I would get some lube as an option for the first time.  The first time can hurt and be challenging to fit it in, and the lube can help a lot.   After that, it is a matter of preference.  

Post # 8
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

vatoca1016 :   Tissues by the bed, maybe a clean washcloth if the tissues aren’t enough.

I shave before bedtime so everything is smooth.

Experiment with different types of lube.  We found KY to be the best for us.  I have a number of allergies and sensitive skin.

As far as hitting the cervix, that is something I found extremely painful, not at the time but afterwards, like deep soft tissue bruising.  

For what it’s worth, I was also a virgin on my wedding night, and the first penetration was ghastly painful.  We thought we were doing the best thing by having me on top for that, but even so, it hurt.  It is different for everyone, and as others have said, communication and a sense of humor is best.  Give the whole process at least a year to be familiar.

Post # 10
Member
661 posts
Busy bee

Lube is a very personal. You just have to try a bunch to see what you like and don’t. At the pharmacy, they sell variety packs so you can try a bunch out. I am usually pretty slippery too so I don’t use lube very often. I only ever need it for marathon sex or multiple rounds. If you guys are new to sex, you should definitely buy some because I imagine you’ll go at it like bunnies. 

Personally I like silicone lube. It’s closest to my natural texture but it smells and tastes gross so we only use it when we’re wrapping up. Water lubes don’t have that problem so you can take oral breaks if you want. I don’t even bother about that warming and cooling stuff. I find the effect distracting. 

And as other people have said, go pee right after sex even if you don’t need to. I know you often end up tired and want to just cuddle and nap but you will regret it if you don’t. The more often you have UTIs the easier it is to get them I’m the future. Nowadays I have to take cranberry pills daily and I still get them every time I fail to pee after sex. 

As for cervixes, when they are hit, some people cry, some people flinch, some people are ambivalent, and I am one of those unicorns that might orgasm as a result. Yes, other bees, I know where my cervix is. My friends think I’m weird too. Point being, everybody is different and different positions feel better or worse so you just have to experiment and talk it out. 

Post # 11
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

First I just want to say how awesome I think it is that you both decided to wait!!

Here’s my experience..

Semen will come out of you standing or laying down depending on your movement. I’m usually the one on top so I will jump up as soon as I can, and run to the restroom. Sometimes I don’t make it and it’ll drip out so I’ll grab whatever is closest to me and wipe. So have a towel around is recommended. When my husband gets his from the back (as in doggy style, and NOT in the butt lol) he usually grabs a towel or his hand cause it drips way faster. And then when I go to the restroom it’ll make some weird farting noises and drip out LOL Too Much Information I know but thought I would mentioned it so you don’t freak out if it happens. It was so embarrassing my first time, but now we just crack up. I don’t know if it’s just me but I get the urgent need to pee right after and then we jump in the shower. 

My husband doesn’t like having sex as much when I’m on my period but we still do (just less often). It gets messy depending on how heavy/light your flow is. For me personally, it’s never been a huge deal like it getting everywhere. Usually it’ll just be all over my husbands junk. I’venever had it leak to the bed or anywhere else. I like period sex only cause the blood acts like a lubricant and lets me slide on easier lol.

 

I shave and sometimes go weeks without shaving. My husbands never complains. He also trims down there so I can go down on him. Never been an issue for us.

We’ve only ever used lube once or twice and it was to try to have anal sex but that didn’t go well. So I don’t really have advice on that. If you’re naturally lubricated then you shouldnt’t have an issue.

I don’t find it painful when he hits my cervix but it definetly feels wierd and I don’t like it. I also had one experience where I’m not sure if he went to deep or to hard or if it was just cause we has barely started having sex and it was new to me, but after sex I had the worst cramps of my life. I was up all night and could not sleep. Thank God we have not had that since.

 

Just remember to relax, don’t overthink and have fun! Go with the flow.

Post # 12
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

vatoca1016 :  You can totally wear lingerie if you want to! I personally don’t, because it’s not comfortable and it just comes off anyway, but I’ve worn it in the past and it’s kind of a fun, special thing. 

The sale section of Victorias Secret can be good, along with Target. 

Post # 13
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

vatoca1016 :  In regard to your lingerie question, I have a few pieces. Some on the expensive side and some that were a lot cheaper. There’s nothing wrong with buying a few pieces to have around. I honestly don’t wear lingerie to bed on a nightly basis, but every now and then, I’ll pull one out to spice things up. It usually ends up on the floor within a few minutes, but it’s nice to “dress up” and surprise him from time to time.

Post # 14
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

vatoca1016 :  For the lingerie, I think that is a personal preference! If you feel sexy and beautiful in it go for it! My Darling Husband could careless for it so I don’t have to worry about the crazy stuff, but I will buy cute panties and bralettes for myself so that I feel good about myself. 

Post # 15
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I think most of these things will differ from person to person.

I would recommend having lube on hand just in case, you may be nervous your first time. Tissues or baby wipes by the bed is a good idea or just putting a towel down, but I definitely recommend going pee as soon as possible after to prevent UTI. Personally the only partner to ever consistently hit my cervix was 8 inches long, so for me it’s not something that happens often, my husband is above average in length and never hits it. My husband has no preference on pubic hair as long as it’s not stubbly, because it chafes. He personally likes lingerie a lot, he’s quite visual but I’ve met plenty of guys who don’t care about it, either way it’s never on for very long so I buy inexpensive stuff only. 

The topic ‘Questions from a virgin…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors