(Closed) QUICK HELP! WEDDING RSVP

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@muzikfreek13:  Personally I don’t think it’s tacky, but I’m not an etiquette queen. If your receiption is black tie, though, I wouldn’t think it would follow your theme. But anything less to me, online rsvp is one of the easiest, cheapest, and most practical ways of going about it. You could include a phone number for those guests that are not computer saavy.

Post # 4
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We did postage for the older guests who aren’t Web savy and used our website for the younger guest.

Post # 5
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I made via internet an option to RSVP as well, BUT only 9 out of 180 did it. Keep in mind our older family members don’t use internet as much as us. Most everyone responded by mail, I provided postage.

Post # 6
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

frankly I would either make the RSVP either entirely paper free or just include the postage.  However, in the long run, it’s only 50 cents per invited couple/guest.

Post # 7
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@futureboo:  Plus buying the RSVP cards and envelopes, though, too!

Post # 8
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I recently received a wedding invite with an RSVP card that directed us to RSVP to the wedding website. 

Post # 9
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@love108:  hopefully she alread has those if she’s thinking of sending the invites out this week…  But yes- those cost money as well and if that’s the deal breaker, then the RSVP should be entirely paperless.

Post # 10
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s acceptable now to have guests rsvp through a wedding website even with formal invitations, but it probably really depends on how many older/not so computer savvy guests you have. I think most people can navigate a website, and those who are very traditional could send you their own rsvp card (not one that you provided), since that used to be the custom ;).  

Post # 11
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We had guests RSVP through our website.  Sending 100 invites cost us $200, and I wasn’t willing to spend any more money since we are paying for the wedding ourselves.  We also put our contact information on the website.  The older generation has been calling us to RSVP, and the younger generation has been electronically RSVPing.  That being said, we are just having a cake and punch reception, so it doesn’t matter if all 200 show up or only 20 show up.  Therefore, RSVPs aren’t as important to us.  If we were serving dinner, I would do the postal RSVPs most likely.

Post # 12
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We did a wedding website RSVP with our RSVP attached to a google doc. It’s really nice, breaks down all my cupcake options that we to be chosen from, gives me the number of each. I then can have it linked to my seating chart and can mark off as I go.

None of our guests had an issue.

Post # 13
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m doing phone, email and website RSVP 

Post # 14
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re doing a huge move cross country in July and I have no idea where our new address even is yet. A paper RSVP didn’t make sense. So I just directed everyone to RSVP via phone or by website. So not, i don’t think its tacky.

Post # 15
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@futureboo:  I agree with this. Either make the rsvp 100% by phone/email/website, or stamp the envelopes. Personally I’d lean toward having the rsvp’s be paper-free. I don’t think it’s tacky at all — it’s becoming more and more common. I was just invited to a wedding that hada formal paper invitation, and the rsvp is via the couple’s wedding website. No rsvp slip to mail in. 

(p.s. — this is what we did for our own wedding, too!)

Post # 16
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@naturalysam and @Roe and incidentally @WillyNilly:  Warning! You have pushed one of my buttons: rant coming!

Please keep in mind that the internet (though not perhaps the world wide web) existed before personal computers, and personal computers go back to the end of the nineteen seventies. Just because someone’s grey hairs are all real and their auburn hair all comes out of a box advertisint 100% grey coverage, doesn’t mean they are not computer literate. One of my volunteer activities has been at the local highschool introducing computer concepts such as “templates” and “macros” and “relational-entity non-flat data structures” to kids in the commercial stream. Most of them are punk boys who think that because they have installed their own hard-drive and built a website once, and because their teachers rely on them to help explain the widgets in the school’s Learning Management software, that they are hot all-knowing computer whizzes. “Hot all-knowing computer whizzes” — who don’t know how to set up Outline Numbering in a word-processor document. But they get away with it because their teachers (who are mostly twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings) don’t know either. I volunteer because I got sick of hiring interns who couldn’t comply with the official mandatory templates our office used. *I* don’t find templates and styles to be rocket-science; but the school principal didn’t know what I was talking about when I asked her to add it to the curriculum! And as a second example which I have mentioned before, my darling brother who is ten years older than I am, is the local go-to-guru whenever any of the neighbours within a hundred miles of his isolated northern town gets a virus or a new printer. So provide options for ALL your non-internet-savvy guests, regardless of their ages!

End rant; begin etiquette advice for R.s.v.p.s:

Weddings are the only event where hostesses send out stamped self-addressed envelopes. Some brilliant stationer — or perhaps a post-office employee — came up with this idea in the 1960s, and guests of any breeding whatsoever were immediately offended at the notion that they couldn’t pay their own stamps and were thought too gauche to be able to write a reply on their own. Guests of no breeding whatsoever didn’t reply anyway, and enough guests kindly went along with their hostess’s notion despite the offense, that the idea gained momentum and seems ubiquitous now. But it isn’t. People whose memories go back to the sixties and seventies still dislike R.s.v.p. cards and still remember how to write a note on our own stationery saying “Miss Aspasia Phipps accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of Mrs Hostess”. Some of us who send and receive written invitations for things like Dinners and Luncheons even own stamps already, and all of us know how to buy them.

Correct form (pre-nineteen-nineties for weddings and still for everything else) is to write “R.s.v.p” and (if you wish to encourage phone/email/web replies) the contact information in small print on the lower left corner of the invitation. No separate R.s.v.p. card required, not even for “older folks”. If we are so much older that we don’t know how to send email, we can be presumed old enough to know how to write a note and mail it without help. I recall one Bee recently who tried the old-fashioned method and was presently surprised to find that the majority of her guests did indeed know about hand-writing a reply and the replies were a sweet keepsake for her.

 

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