(Closed) quick proposal vs. the long wait

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly?  I think it varies quit a bit from relationship to relationship.  Everyone has had different life experiences and different experiences with their current relationships.  For my hubby and I, we got engaged after 10 months of dating, but we were both ready.  We’d started talking marriage at 2 months!  Also if you factor in that our entire relationship was a 6k mile apart LDR that involved immigration, I think that’s a big reason why we decided quicker then others and believe it or not, even with that short of a dating period, it seemed to take him FOREVER to decide to finally ask me!  lol  

Had we met and lived relatively closer and not had immigration issues to deal with, then our relationship might have been easier to take a bit slower.  The fact that both of our sets of parents are happily married 35+ years into their one and only marriage might have an impact.  

Post # 4
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I wonder this question myself.

Post # 5
474 posts
Helper bee

a year and a half isn’t exactly a long wait…

Post # 6
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There are a lot of reasons.  Some people rush because they want a ring or a wedding, or just to get the attention that those things bring.  Some people get in early because marriage has become almost “disposable” and they can change their minds later if they want to.  Some people just KNOW and don’t care what anyone thinks – there was a time when it would have been taboo for anyone to jump into a marriage that early, but a lot of those traditions are going out the window and so people aren’t bothering to wait the “appropriate” length of time before going ahead.  Some do it because they’re expected to (can’t even tell you how many young brides there were at my last church – share a bible with a guy one Sunday, and everyone starts asking when the wedding is.  Blech.) and because they value marriage enough to know they’ll stick with it no matter how early they start.

I was engaged after only 5 months, because we decided before we got together that if we clicked, we wanted to get married.  We’ve both been in more than one long-term relationship that ended badly, and neither of us wanted to date again unless it was for serious.  So when we found ourselves in love, that was good enough. 

So that’s at least five different scenarios right there, and I’m sure there are dozens more.  Marriage is not a race, and everyone works on a different schedule.  Not everyone is ready at the same time or age, and it has nothing to do with being more or less fabulous than other women.  Your man thinks YOU’RE the most fabulous – that’s why he’s your man.  🙂

Post # 7
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know it’s hard not to compare yourself to others and I am in the same situation myself.  We started looking at rings after about five months…it’s now three years later and I am still not engaged.  But I think it really depends on each couple’s situation.  Maybe it’s finances, school, family, any number of factors, that lengthens or shortens the wait.  Just remember, just because someone is engaged or married, doesn’t mean their relationship is any better or worse than yours 🙂

Post # 8
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It really varies from guy to guy and relationship to relationship. Darling Husband said he just knew, which is why we got engaged after only four months. However, everyone’s on a different schedule and it doesn’t make your relationship any less valid or wonderful because you and your SO take longer to get engaged or married.

Post # 9
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I was almost 19 and pregnant when Darling Husband proposed.  We’d dated for almost 2 years.  He proposed not long after we found out I was pregnant.  He said he always knew he’d marry me but didn’t think it would happen so early in our relationship since we were so young. 

It took 8 more years (and 3 kids) to get to the JoP. 

So, yeah … it varies from person to person. 

Post # 10
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Darling Husband proposed after a month.  We just knew.

(Our families flipped out, but a quick review of couples on both sides reveals a fair number of similarly speedy engagements.  It’s not particularly strange where we come from for folks to get hitched.)

I think a lot depends on age, really.  Most people want to be reasonable well settled in their careers and finances before taking this step, and that sort of security usually arrives at around ~25. 

If you meet your beloved in high school you may be waiting longer than someone who runs into him or her at ~27.  Fewer boxes to check off the list before the question can be popped, if that makes sense.

Post # 11
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It really does vary.  My Darling Husband and I had known each other very well for 10 years before we started dating.  I didn’t know it at the time, but he said he was in love with me from the moment he first met me.  So he only waited 3 months to pop the question, claiming that he had finally gotten his chance to marry me and he was not going to waste it.

It was really fast but it was right and I think that, ultimately, the men want it to be RIGHT. Whatever that means for them.

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