Post # 1
Okay so….this might be kind of long. ugh.
So, I chose three of my best friends to be my brdiesmaids, and I asked them as soon as I got engaged, a year ago. I also told them A YEAR AGO that they would have to pay for their own dresses, (which I thought was the traditional thing to do as well as us having to pay for our wedding ourselves and not having the extra $ to spend on their dresses).
Anyway, two of my bridesmaids all of a sudden, a month before their dress appointment, say that they don’t know if they’ll be able to buy their dresses. WHAT!?!? This really pi***s me off because I told them a YEAR in advance that they would have to get them, and told them the price points of the Alfred Angelo dresses that they could choose from, starting at $129 which I think is pretty fair. Now you can’t tell me that it’s impossible to save up that much money in a year!?
Ugh I’m beyond aggravated! It would be different if they didn’t work, and if they really didn’t have money, but they both are constantly going out to clubs, going out to eat, and spending ridiculous amounts of money on really stupid things, they go to the public pool daily, go shopping, go to concerts, and on vacations, etc.
Like I said, I gave them more than a fair amount of time in advance to save the money, told them the amount,etc. So it just baffles me as to why this is happening. So we’re going to have to end up paying the $300 or more for 2 girls plus alterations if need be. UGH. That is the deposit for our DJ! I’m beyond annoyed.
How can I fix this situation? I don’t want to be rude or say anything, but I don’t think it’s quite fair, ya know?
Post # 3
There are several things you could do. You can get rid of your BMs, you can agree to pay 1/2 half, you can pay for it yourself.
What’s their excuse?
I’d look into getting the dresses at http://www.pearlsplace.com/ I got my AA Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses there for about 100.
Post # 4
Honestly? At the end of the day, it’s *your* wedding. And your friends shouldn’t be judged for how they spend their money or have to give up their lifestyle to be a part of it. (But, I’m in the camp who thinks brides should pay for these things…the way they do in England.)
It’s disappointing though, I understand. Especially since they’ve known about it for a while.
I don’t think there’s a way to bring it up without ruffling feathers though. If it were me, I’d probably just suck it up and pay for all 3 dresses and ask that they at least take care of their own alterations.
Post # 5
I am really sorry this is happening to you. I am in a wedding coming up very soon and she made it clear that we had to purchase our own dresses because her parents are paying for the wedding (they are traditional as they come) but never were they going to pay for our dresses. People that say its the brides day and remember that the BM’s are not as excited is a complete LIE.. because if you are a true friend then you are going to share this happiness and be just as excited.
I understand if they have financial problems but if they are really doing all those things… then i would say something to them… and say look i dont have that kind of money to spend 300+ dollars on dresses. Show that you do care and want them in the wedding .. if they are true friends they can come up with about 150 dollars and anyways most stores will let you make a down payment and then pay the rest later…..
Hope it works out!
Keep us updated!
Post # 6
We paid for my bridesmaids’ dresses because we could afford it and we knew they were all on student budgets. That said, I do believe a bridesmaid (at least in North America) has two responsibilities they must fulfill: buy/wear a dress the bride is happy with, and show up to the wedding. If the bride has the means to take care of the dresses, that’s nice, but it can’t be expected.
A year’s notice is more than enough for them to have saved up $129. That’s less than fifty cents a day, they have no excuse. I would tell them your budget is stretched too thin to be able to purchase the dresses for them, and that if they need to attend the wedding as guests instead of bridesmaids you’ll be sad but you’ll understand.
Post # 7
@Atlanta: They don’t have a set excuse! that’s the thing…they just say that they wont have the money because they have other things to pay for, then the next day one leaves to go to New York! ugh. I dont get it.
@kelbell: thanks for understanding. And I agree with the excitement coming along from your BM’s because they’re your closest, and your closest shares that excitement with you. My Maid/Matron of Honor is excited as can be, helps me out as much as she can, and has agreed to pay for her dress no exeptions, and she doesnt even work! She gets an allowance from her parents bc shes in college, but she has been saving up for quite some time now. I dont know if I will end up saying anything, but it really is starting to get to me thats for sure. =/
@linquo42:thanks for understanding as well. In the beginning I told them, if they dont think they’ll be able to pay for their dresses then they dont have to be a part of the wedding and thats fine. I also mentioned that my mom would help out with dresses IF they CAN’T pay for the dress themselves, (ie; trouble paying their bills etc) but that’s not the case…they blow money all the time. They tell me they do! ugh. Its annoying and not fair on my part, or my moms for that matter. My mom is paying for a bunch of medical bills at the moment and doesnt have much to spare, so to dump the expense of a dress on her when you know you can pay for it yourself (meaning my BM’s) is beyond ridiculous.
Post # 8
Well, some people really cannot afford to swing an extra $129 or more, even with a year’s notice. I don’t know of their particular situations, but stuff happens. They might’ve been saving up and then had some sort of other financial obligation to consider. To some people $100 is a lot of money. Maybe not to you, but to some people that is a power bill or car insurance payment.
That being said, they should not have agreed to the position of Bridesmaid or Best Man if they knew they wouldn’t be able to fit the extra $129+ into their budgets (unless, of course, some unexpected financial blow came about after accepting). They definitely could have done a better job at letting you know sooner. They were probably just scared of your reaction and embarrassed. Your reaction to this has me thinking that they weren’t comfortable being honest with you.
My cousin is going through some similar stuff. Six months ago, she asked if someone (P) would let her daughter act as the flower girl at her wedding. My cousin specified to P that she would have to pay for her daughters wedding attire herself. P excitedly agreed, saying that it would be no problem. For months, P has flaked out on David’s Bridal appointments… One time she even lied and said she’d gone to David’s Bridal and my cousin “wasn’t there” to meet her. Finally, it came out that P can’t afford to buy her daughter’s dress. Instead of just telling my cousin the truth, she’s inconvienienced her and the David’s Bridal staff with several cancelled appointments. Now, it is too late to order a flower girl dress so it looks like my cousin won’t be having one.
Post # 9
A year is more than enough time for your BMs to save money to get their dress. I can understand paying upfront and them giving you the money back, but to expect you to pay for all their dresses is out of line!!
Post # 10
@Theresa90405: yep I’ve paid for all my Bridesmaid or Best Man and Flower Girl dresses, and the 2 times I have been a bridesmaid my dresser were paid for.
I know the wedding is obviously your top priority, financially and otherwise, but the truth is that it’s not everyone else. Maybe suggest going halves or you will pay so it can be ordered and they pay your back? Also it doesn’t seem fair that the girl who made the effort to save up has to pay for hers when the others don’t? Would you consider sticking to what you said and having them not be a part of the wedding?
Post # 11
I’ve learned that a lot of BMs don’t tell you their problem until it’s too late to fix it. If you can’t afford it, I would simply say… I’m sorry you can’t afford the dress, but neither can I. I’m not trying to be mean, but I guess you can’t be in the wedding 🙁 OR you could ask your parents or ask them to ask THEIR parents if they can buy the dress. That is if you really truly can’t afford to pay for their dresses.
Post # 12
@agirlwithdreams7: I do think you need to say something, and soon. They’re obviously not going to be able to order their dresses in time the way things are going, and there’s no sense pretending they can still be in the wedding if the dresses aren’t going to happen. It’s gonna suck, I won’t lie, but the longer you keep stringing each other along, the worse it will be.
I would flat out tell them that if they are going to be in the wedding, they need to come up with a way to order and pay for their dresses by X date. If they can’t find a way to make it work, then they will be attending as guests. You had the courtesy to give them a year’s advance notice; they didn’t extend the same courtesy to you and it’s not fair to you or your mother to be expected to bail them out now when they could have told you a lot earlier that they would need help.
Post # 13
@agirlwithdreams7: If you want them in your wedding, and you don’t want to pay fro the dresses, you could always just ask them to wear any LBD they already have in their wardrobe.
Post # 14
to everyone: It isn’t that they are uncomfortable telling me so. I have told them all that if need be, for any reason, because of financial difficulty or whatever, my mom can help and has agreed to help pay for their dresses. I have kindly made it clear that I understand financial matters can get in the way, which is fine, but they don’t have that excuse. They dont have any excuse. Neither have said to me, hey, this is why I can’t get my dress, they just have said, oh, I dont think I’ll be able to get it. Okay? Does that mean we should plan to help pay? or what. They’re leaving me hanging, with no reason, and it’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t leave my closest friends stranded to pay for their dresses if they had told me ahead of time that they couldn’t. When I asked them to be bridesmaids they all three said that money wouldn’t be a problem, that they would be able to buy them. Like I said, I understand that money situations come up, but from what I have been shown, and told, since we are all very close, no money situations are present. That is what upsets me.
I am aware that I could just kick them to the curb if we cant pay for their dresses, but I had told them that my mom would HELP pay if they couldnt. Because they have money to do all these other things, and had agreed to pay for their own dresses from the beginning, but are saying that they cant now, I feel that they are taking advantage of my mom willing to help pay, when she is struggling with money and they are aware of this.
Like I said before, I wouldn’t be so upset if there were true real reasons for not getting the dresses paid for by my BM’s. But because all of the other factors come into play, without any actual financial burdens being present, its quite upsetting.
Post # 15
I mean I do understand people can have financial difficulties but not whe you told them a year in advance! that’s ridiculous, put 2 dollars in a jar every week of that year!
It is not fair to your mom to pay for them and IMO it is even more unfair to your Maid/Matron of Honor or other BMs that are paying for their own dresses. I’d be pissed if I knew another BM’s dress was paid for as she goes to NY and I’m saving to afford your dress. Majorly pissed. So you def have to pay for all their dresses.
If it were me, I’d let them go, you are obviously not their priority, sorry that’s harsh, but it seems true. buying their dresses just allows them to walk all over you.
Post # 16
It sounds to me like they have been planning to take your mom up on her offer.
it sounds like you told them this right off the bat, and so they had less incentive to save their own money. I don’t agree with it. But that is my take.