Post # 1
I posted a week or so ago about having chest pains and my symptoms. After being checked out by two different doctors and having numerous tests ran, my lungs and heart are healthy as can be. I was also officially diagnosed with Anxiety (and was also told to go to the chiropractor).
All of my health problems started about a month after I was hired at my job. It only pays min. wage and I only work about 17 hours a week. My boss is awful and makes me do things that are unethical. I was fine all Thanksgiving break until yesterday when I started to dread going back to work and the chest pains started again.
I am still in school so I get financial aid every semester as well. I use this money to help pay for my rent and bills. Me and FI split things 50/50. It really isn’t fair because he makes WAY more than I do. I’m not getting my next financial aid check until the end of Jan/beginning of Feb. When I told my FI I want to quit my job, he was only worried about the money aspect. It makes no sense because he could easily afford the rent, bills, etc on his income alone. The money I make at my job is just my spending money.
He told me my health is important, but so is money. I’m not going to keep working at this shitty job that’s causing my health to go down hill! I really don’t know why I am posting this, just needed a place to vent I suppose. Thanks for listening, bees.
Post # 3
I’m sorry your FI isn’t being supportive! Can you find a new, less-stressful job before you quit?
Post # 4
It sounds to me like his real worry is actually your inability to work when a job is stressful. Maybe he’s not comfortable with supporting you in the future when you decide you can’t work because the job gives you anxiety. I’d at least try to line something else up before you quit.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Anonymous_Bee20: It sounds to me like he doesn’t quite understand how serious your anxiety is and he might just want a game plan in place for when you will be returning to the workforce (in a different job obviously). He may not be comfortable being the sole breadwinner. I think a conversation with him about his expectations and your expectations regarding work and bills (now, in 5 years, when/if you have kids, etc…) would be a really good idea. At the very least you should both be on the same page afterwards.
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: I have a small home business I do on the side when I have time that actually brings in more money than my part time job. I was going to start that back up again if I quit.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church
It’s the holidays — it shouldn’t be hard to find something just part time and seasonal that won’t be nearly as much stress for you, but your fiance needs to lay off. Money as important as health? To hell with that notion.
Post # 8
@atacrossroads: That’s the thing, I’m still in college and when we moved in together I told him my education comes first. I’ve worked really hard to get this far, and he supported me 100% and said not to worry about working (even though I’ve always paid half of the rent and bills even without a job). I don’t know where this is coming from now. My health is important also!
@beachbride1216: He doesn’t understand anxiety at all. He is very calm and relaxed at all times. I am the complete opposite. He always tells me it’s in my head and that I’m crazy. It really hurts my feelings because it makes me thing he doesn’t believe me. Anxiety is definitely a real disease! It controls my mind and my body. But we have already had this discussion, and he wants me to be a stay at home mom when we have children. I don’t know why he’s acting like this now.
Post # 9
Itd be one thing if this was a high paying job that you all depended on- but a shitty part time job that makes you miserable and you guys dont need?? Screw that!
Honestly I think it’s kind of a jerk move to split 50/50 to begin with when he makes so much more than you- but thats up to the two of you.
Post # 10
@Anonymous_Bee20: your FI sounds like my sister’s FI. He insists on splitting things 50/50 even though she is currently in school, on financial aid and doing a few photography jobs on the side (she was laid off while she was on mat leave).
Does your FI know how little money you have? Does he know what the household bills actually are? My FH has these grand ideas what he should be able to save and what things should cost – with zero grasp on reality (he thought that we could do groceries, for 2 of us, for $50 a week and that the fridge would be stocked just like his mom’s….)
Post # 11
I agree with the other poster, it sounds more like he’s worried about your ability to function in a stressful environment. That can creep into outside work territory, too, and so I can see and understand his fear.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@Anonymous_Bee20: He always tells me it’s in my head and that I’m crazy.
What an ass. I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was 8 years old. It’s worse when I am stressed and absolutely real. If he doesn’t understand your anxiety then you really need to help him understand it before getting married to him. He needs to accept that anxiety is a real disorder and that your kids may also suffer from it should you have any.
My ex husband did not understand my anxiety which led to a lot of hurt feelings and me hiding from him in closets when I was having a panic attack. My current husband identifies my behavior and knows when I’m going to have them so he stays close so he can talk me through them. As a result, the number of panic attacks that I have has decreased significantly and the ones I do have last less time than they used to. Having an understanding and supportive partner has made a huge difference. I hope your FI can learn to be a little more understanding of your anxiety.
Post # 13
@Anonymous_Bee20: Your health is important, but so is being able to cope in a stressful work environment. Also, you’re working towards your degree so you can be a SAHM? I don’t understand. What if being home with the kids 24/7 gives you anxiety and you can’t handle it? How is he going to support a family on one income because you could potentially be unable to handle work stress?
I’m just trying to give you another perspective. I think you can love and sympathize with your partner, but love doesn’t pay the bills.
Post # 14
If a 17 hr week, min wage job is making you that sick AND you have a home based business that brings in more $ anyhow, what’s the point of sticking around that min wage job? I’d be gone in a heartbeat. Plus, the boss makes you do unethical things? There’s better things out there than that.
Is you FI worried that you won’t be able to pull your weight financially? It seems pretty dick to split things 50/50 when he makes enough to support the 2 of you. And him telling you it’s in your head and that you’re crazy. Wow, this guy sounds like a real gem! He needs to see things a little bit more clearly from your perspective.
Post # 15
I insist on splitting everything half and half with my FI, so I think it’s good that you and your FI do the same. At the end of the day, heaven forbid something should go wrong, and I should have to support myself, I know that I can be independent. It also means that I can enjoy what’s left of my money without feeling like I owe anything to him. He earns double what I earn, but he works super hard, just like me, and I don’t see why I should demand he pay more, when he has worked so hard into his position. He deserves to use his money as he likes, and it’s great that he’s doing so well, especially as when we first met we both working in fast food, and now he’s got high profile office work, and I’m working in a school, and saving for a Masters degree. I’m sure he cares a great deal about your health, and no, money is not of equal worth but regardless, it is essential, and if you leave your role, and become even more unwell, your FI could have to support you for rent and bills and medically.
Post # 16
@Anonymous_Bee20: If my FI quit his job before having a new one lined up I’d be annoyed because it would be like he’s assuming I’d just pay for everything in our lives. Maybe that’s how your FI feels?