Post # 1
My Fiance is a smoker and I am not. It’s hard for me to understand just how hard it is to quit. He did quit for a good 6 months at one point but then started up again.
He works with people who smoke, and when we go to my parents for supper, my dad who smokes always ask Fiance if he wants to go outside to smoke. It really upsets me, I just want everyone I love to quit smoking already!
Any advice for me to help him quit and help support him? Did anyone use anything to help them quit?
Post # 3
You can’t help him quit. No advice you give or tell him about will work. It has to be something he wants to do. Now if he asks for your advice, that is something different.
DH was a smoker. I swore I would never date a smoker…then I marry one! But I swore I would never nag or force him to give it up. He knew I hated it. But I had to find a way to live with it. So I told him (when we first started dating) I never wanted to see him smoke or have a cig in his hand. Also, he had to kiss me before going out to smoke and he had to brush his teeth afterwards. He was always super respectful of my rules.
In exchange, I never told him he had to quit (until we were TTC, that was the only time it became super important. I wanted healthy sperm!). I made peace with myself that I would always be with a smoker. It made me sad that I wouldn’t be with him for as long, but it was worth it for me to be with him for any amount of time.
But in the end, he did stop smoking. He does have one occassional (like once every 4-6 months). But he did it because he wanted to.
But there were a few things that I think helped. DH is a psychollogical smoker. He wouldn’t smoke at work. So I know he could go 8 hours with out nicotine. But he would come home (I wasn’t living with him) and he’d be bored and would smoke and watch TV. Being around me limited when he could smoke. Also the ritual of kissing me and brushing his teeth made him more mindful of smoking.
Does you Fiance want to quit? Are you willing to marry him if you knew he would never quit? Why does he smoke? What are his triggers?
Post # 4
I was a social smoker for years. Just gave up a few months ago.
It’s been really really easy. You know why? Because I wanted to give up. I was ready to give up. Not because someone told me to or because I felt I probably should.
You can’t make him give up, he has to do it himself.
Post # 5
I took Chantix.
But I think he has to get to point where he honestly WANTS to quit for himself. Once I hit that point, I quit. It was easy.
One thing I did do was I stopped smoking in my car a few weeks before my quit date. I found that starting to cut out the routine smoking times helped alot.
Post # 6
Not me, but my husband quit around this time last year after smoking for 15 years using an e-cigarette. He tried cold turkey, he tried weaning himself off them, but nothing stuck. The e-cig took about 2 months for him to cycle through the cartridges from high to medium to low to no nicotine. If you go that route, get a quality one, not something you pick up by the cash register at a gas station. :p He said there’s an obvious difference.
Post # 7
DH and I quit 2 months ago by reading the book, Stop smoking the Easy Way by Allen Carr. I actually found the free ebook.
Easiest quit ever. Stopped smoking cold turkey and I am sooo, sooo glad we did!
Post # 8
On November 3 2011 at 5:35 pm I found out my dad had stage 3B lung cancer. That pretty much did it.
On another note, I tried for years. I really loved smoking. Loved the taste, the euphoric feel, and the friends I made going out to smoke. About five years ago I tried to quit and let me tell you it was HARD! Things like driving or taking a break from work where what I commonly associated smoking with. Of course I relapsed. I went through this cycle on and off until my dad was diagnosed. That day I remember him calling me to come over and I knew it was bad, in my heart I knew it was cancer. I smoked that last cigarrette in his driveway before I walked in, and haven’t had one since.
Cigarettes are AWFUL. I didn’t realize how bad I felt until I quit. My circulation was poor, I had chronic headaches, and my skin looked like crap. The first 40 days are the worst. Do whatever is possible for him to quit. I would honestly advise seeing a Dr about Chantix or whatever may be available.
Goodluck to you both!
Post # 9
I tried so many times, but what finally worked for me was picking a day where I would be away from home (Christmas with my Mom) and started on that day. Away from all my normal smoking spots and around family where I didn’t want to be smoking anyway. I also used the livestrong quit smoking app which REALLY REALLY helped. I swear, it was great. One other app I got was called “since iQuit”, really simple, but just counts the weeks, days, minutes, seconds you have been quit, and then also counts up the dollar amount you’ve saved! It is a great motivator. I’ve saved… $2003.81 as of this moment 🙂 1 year, 11 weeks, 3 days, 6 hours, and 59 minutes since I quit!
Post # 10
Chantix worked incredibly well. I quit because I made a deal with my fiance. I got something I’d wanted, he got what he wanted, fair deal all around. There’s nothing you can really do to make him want to quit though, and if he doesn’t want to, then he’s just going to start smoking again after a few days. Unless you’ve got something up your sleeve that he REALLY wants, he’s got to do this on his own.
Post # 11
My husband uses the e-cig. It really has been the only thing to make him quit long-term but he does want “the real thing” every once in a while. He hasn’t tried Chantix though, but I’ve heard that it really works. It gave my Mother-In-Law terrible nightmares though. Like, crazy crazy nightmares.
I was never a fan of him smoking but I used to smoke socially (usually just when I had a drink or two) when we first met so who was I to try to stop him? I agree with everyone who said there’s really nothing you can do to get him to quit unless he really wants to.
Post # 12
He does want to quit, and has tried but stress is what triggers him to smoke again. He hates his job with a passion, but unfortunetly he can’t find another job. He never smokes around me, because I have also made that rule with him so I never actually see him smoke. He is very respectful that way.
We also made a deal that when we are TTC, he would quit. I just want to know how to support him… I know I shouldn’t bring up smoking to someone who is trying to quit because they will start thinking about smoking! But I want to let him know how proud I am of him too.
Post # 13
I find that even now, when I tell him I’m proud of him, it kinda annoys him. The less we discuss it the better. If he wants to quit, then he needs to focus less on quitting smoking and more on how to deal with stress. I would recommend learning to meditate or taking a yoga class together. Once he learns other ways to deal with stress, the quitting has a chance of sucess.
Post # 14
My Fiance smoked for 30+ years. When he quit he used the patch. He wore the patch for almost 4 years, but it’s better than smoking. He finally decided to get off the patch while we were on a relaxing beach holiday. He was irritable for about two weeks, but he stuck with it.
One thing we learned was that if you do decide to smoke while wearing the patch don’t take it off! Even if you slip and have one smoke, keeping the patch on makes it much less likely that you’ll have a second or a third. My Fiance had many slips and he used to refer to them as $10 cigarettes, since he would smoke one and throw the rest of the pack away ( that’s what a pack in NYC cost back then).
Post # 15
Chantix (called Champix here in Australia) – 4.5 months non smoker. yay. Best thing i ever did.
To be honest this is the 2nd time I quit, last time was for 3 months. This time is different. I wanted to quit, the first time it was just because i felt i should.
Sorry to tell you but you can’t make anyone quit, they need to do it for themselves or it won’t last.
Funny thing is now, I don’t feel like i was ever a smoker – it’s funny.
Also – CONGRATS to everyone that’s posted that has given up! It’s hard work but totally worth it and it’s so nice to read all the success stories.
To anyone that’s contemplating – you can do it! you’ll be so glad you did! xx
Post # 16
One session of hypnosis did it for me, and I smoked for 22 years. Quit cold turkey with no cravings. I highly recommend it.