Post # 1
It breaks my heart to say I just found out my fiance is very racist. We are both fifty and have been engaged for 18 months. He lives in the deep south part of Georgia, while I live farther north in the state. I understand he grew up in an era of racial violence and unrest, but I had no idea until a couple of days ago he is as racist as he is. It was heartbreaking to hear him speak of an entire race of people in such ugly terms. I have several very close black friends and mentioned to my fiance that they are on our guest list. He responded by saying, “Why would you want to invite a n***** to our wedding?” We then discussed the racist issue at length. At the end of the conversation I simply gave him praise for feeling comfortable enough with me to be honest. In reality I just wanted to give him a piece of my mind ~ but we all know it wouldn’t change anything with a man like that.
If I have offended anyone on this site, I sincerely apologize. I just needed to share the fact that there are still men (and probably women) out there that still feel this way. I am still in shock, and the tears I shed were not for the loss of this relationship, but for humanity all over the world. I need not tell you I will not be marrying this man, although he was the love of my life. I don’t ever expect to love to this degree again, but that is so much better than living the rest of my life with someone who has such a dark heart. I have been in an emotionally “quiet place” since I had this conversation with my fiance, and I know in the next couple of days the realionship will be offically over. It is already over in my heart, as I took off my engagement ring when I returned home after our discussion. How sad for all of humanity……
Just now, as I was typing this, my fiance called. He is actually the one who ended the relationship. It is now officially over, but that doesn’t take away the pain…..
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are going through this. 🙁 it’s horrible when you find out someone you love isn’t who you thought they were. I applaud you for sticking true to your values and not tolerating racism even though it meant ending your relationship. Hugs! You will get through this!
Post # 4
I know it’s hard right now but know you did the right thing. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in when you know the consequences can change things. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. It will get better! I know this probably means nothing coming from a total stranger, but I am really proud of you. The world could use more people who stand up for what’s right and just.
Post # 5
wow! Good for you!!!!! that takes alot of courage but it’s better it happened now.
Post # 6
You’ve posted this three times in the last hour, OP (on a new account, those are your only posts)…the guy sounds awful, and I’m sorry you had to find out that way. But people have responded on your other threads, not sure if you’re having problems/glitches with the site or just don’t realize that…if you click on your username you can go back to your other threads and see the support you’ve already gotten.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry that it ended up being that way… and I know you’re going through a hard time.
But that was very brave of you and you should be proud of yourself. I think that you did the right thing. Personally I believe that if someone can’t show no respect to a whole group of people that they have never met, then how can they truly respect me? And it sounds like he didn’t. Besides the racism – he disrespected you by the way he talked about people you consider to be friends.
Stay strong, and I’m sorry that you are having to go through this. =(
Post # 9
@whippetsfly: I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. There’s no easy way to handle a situation in which someone you thought you knew turns out to be very different (and not in a good way).
I know you said that he was actually the one who officially ended the relationship, but it sounds as though you already ended it in your heart and mind after such an ugly discussion. That takes a lot of strength, and I think it’s wonderful that you were able to stand up for what you know is right. More people need to do this!
Post # 10
Sorry to hear about this. I’m pretty floored he could hide something like that for so long.
Post # 11
Wow, that is heartbreaking on several different levels. I’m sorry that you had to find out something so dark about the man you loved so deeply, and happy that you stayed true to your beliefs and values despite his own. It is a very disheartening thing that there are still many, many people in this world that cannot accept that every human being is just that, a human being. I wish you the best.
Post # 12
Oh that’s horrible… I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. You sound very courageous, though, and I hope things get better soon.
Post # 13
Why did he end it? Because you have AA friends?
So sorry you are gointhrough this but you are a strong brave woman and good things will come to you.
Post # 14
I am so sorry that this happened to you! But, I also feel like when there is such a huge point that partners disagree upon (whether it be a race issue or something else) that breaking it off is for the best.
I hope things get better for you soon!
Post # 15
@whippetsfly: Your story really reminds me of the scene in the book The Help, when (spoiler alert) Stuart takes back his engagement ring from Skeeter after finding out she’s secretly writing a book about what it’s like to be a coloured maid in Mississippi. Skeeter goes off to New York in the end after getting her dream job offer, and leaves all of the small minds on Jackson behind her.
It takes a lot of courage to do the right thing and accept that no matter how much you love a person, standing by your values is more imortant. Racism can be a big part of somebody and it’s better that you surround yourself with people who know how to love and respect than constantly be embarrassed by your husband’s ignorance.
And statistically speaking, you’re bound to find at least one other person who makes you happy. Think of how many people there are on the world. Hundreds or maybe even thousands of them are compatible with you and I’m sure that some that some of them even speak the same language and might not be as far away as they seem now.
Post # 16
you are so strong and wise!
Thank you for being an advocate for humanity.