Post # 1
It breaks my heart to say I just found out my fiance is very racist. We are both fifty and have been engaged for 18 months. He lives in the deep south part of Georgia, while I live farther north in the state. I understand he grew up in an era of racial violence and unrest, but I had no idea until a couple of days ago he is as racist as he is. It was heartbreaking to hear him speak of an entire race of people in such ugly terms. I have several very close black friends and mentioned to my fiance that they are on our guest list. He responded by saying, “Why would you want to invite a n***** to our wedding?” We then discussed the racist issue at length. At the end of the conversation I simply gave him praise for feeling comfortable enough with me to be honest. In reality I just wanted to give him a piece of my mind ~ but we all know it wouldn’t change anything with a man like that.
If I have offended anyone on this site, I sincerely apologize. I just needed to share the fact that there are still men (and probably women) out there that still feel this way. I am still in shock, and the tears I shed were not for the loss of this relationship, but for humanity all over the world. I need not tell you I will not be marrying this man, although he was the love of my life. I don’t ever expect to love to this degree again, but that is so much better than living the rest of my life with someone who has such a dark heart. I have been in an emotionally “quiet place” since I had this conversation with my fiance, and I know in the next couple of days the realionship will be offically over. It is already over in my heart, as I took off my engagement ring when I returned home after our discussion. How sad for all of humanity……
Just now, as I was typing this, my fiance called. He is actually the one who ended the relationship. It is now officially over, but that doesn’t take away the pain…..
Post # 3
I am so, so sorry to hear that you are in pain…but anyone who would use the N-word like that does not deserve your love.
Was this the first time you heard anything like that from him? I imagine he had a lot to say during the election…?
Post # 4
I’m very sorry to hear this. But I commend you for your bravery for standing up for something that is extremely important. I hope some day that you will be able to find someone who is a greater and deeper love and will be more open minded.
Post # 5
I can’t imagine being engaged to someone after being together for 18 months and having no clue he’s racist. Seems fishy….
Post # 6
Oh wow…. I’m so, so sorry. At least you knew before the wedding, instead of after.
Side note: I’m from north Georgia too!
Post # 7
@BlondeMissMolly: +1, I would say it seems a little odd as well.
Post # 8
I am sorry to hear that your relationship ended. How long were you dating him before you realized he was racist? unfortunately people like him arent uncommon. I was raised in an area where I was a clear minority but didn’t realize it until much later in life due to the acceptance of diversity in my town. This topic can be touchy so I won’t say too much, but I pray that one day our nation will learn to accept eachother no matter the differences.
Post # 9
Wow, I’m sorry about this, but I’m blown away that someone who is deeply/staunchly racist was able to hide it for so long?!?
Good for you for knowing yourself well enough to know that this isn’t acceptable to you. I’m glad you’re able to find peace with your decision, and hope you can move forward to find someone worthy of your love.
Post # 10
You did the right thing. I’m surprised he was the one to end it all. It just proves that your decision was the right one. I’ll never understand how a person can hate an entire group of people without ever knowing them. He should be ashamed of himself.
So very sorry you are going through this.
Post # 11
I have so much respect for you. You are a very brave woman with incredible integrity and values. Be strong.
Post # 12
@SapphireSun: yes it seems very strange that he was able to hide it for so long. Maybe he finally felt comfortable enough to just say how he felt.
Post # 13
I’m so sorry that you just found out about this — what a horrible shock it must have been! I wish I could give you a real hug, I have so much sympathy for you. But I admire you so much for not marrying him when you know that you have opposite views on something so important. You are doing the right thing. I’m sorry you have to.
Post # 15
That sucks you had to go through that but you shouldn’t give up on love! Also,How was he able to hide his racism for so long!?
Post # 16
I could never be with someone who had those views, even if I wasn’t mixed, that’s not the type of person I could excuse or be in love with. racist, homophobic, religious, and conservative right wing republican. I couldn’t.
what bothers me about your post is “as racist as he is”, so a little racist is ok
he hates black people but it’s cool…oh wait he used the N word…now he’s a REAL racist?
someone like this is throwing up clues all day long. I think you saw them but it wasn’t that bad…then he used the N word and you hit your boiling point.
But it’s good you decided that someone with this much hate in thier heart you can’t possibly love.