(Closed) Racist in-laws

posted 4 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@LunaFleurLavender:  I’m sorry, but if my in-laws were THAT rude to me and he didn’t say anything to them would be a huge red flag. He should be sticking up for you 100%. I understand that they are his parents but YOU are going to be his wife. You need to have a serious discussion with him about this. His step dad treating you like that is sad an pathetic and I wouldn’t want them at the reception. However, what is the difference if they are at the ceremony but not the reception? I wouldn’t wathat hen at either were I you but I don’t understand why they can come to one but not the other?

Post # 4
9838 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

they sound special…but they are his family and this is his wedding too. I’m sorry, but I think it’s up to him. If he want s them there, then they should be invited. 

Post # 5
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Eek. I think I wouldn’t marry into a family like that, especially if your FI doesn’t stick up for you. It’s only going to get worse. In answer to your question, I don’t think you are being selfish and if your FI can’t see that…whoa.

Post # 6
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I disagree with those saying that they’re his parents and they should be invited. Their behavior toward you is repeatedly rude and disrespectful. But more pressing than that – and I can’t imagine your fiance is somehow unaware of this – is that you have a partner who won’t speak up to them and won’t challenge them. I get the impression your fiance’s sister also went along with the “He’s the plumber!” routine? That’s a serious inability to stand up to parents right there. And the fact that your fiance is pressing so hard for this leads me to believe he’s just the same.

He can’t have it both ways. Think long and hard about your future, OP. You can’t change people. And sure, someday long on down the road they *may* come around a little bit if/when you have kids. But realistically, you will likely spend your whole life being shushed, silenced and pushed aside, and your husband will stand right there and say nothing about it. That’s a very shaky foundation for a marriage, and a very unhappy future for you.

Please reconsider this. They don’t have to be thrilled about you, but being civil and respectful is a must.

Post # 7
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

We have a way of loving the most messed up people sometimes. Your FI obviously loves them so I think the right thing to do would be to support your FI, you dont want him to resent you for keeping his parents away.

At the same time, I would tell FI that although I am moving the date to support you, you need to support me in the same way and stop letting ur family talk bad about me. You husband is supposed to stand up for you, he needs to start!!! Id be cautious about whether hes ready to be a husband if he couldnt 

Post # 9
32 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

The troublemaker inside me wants to tell you to move the date, invite them and have your SIL’s partner MC, but I don’t see that making your situation any better.  

However, if they’re that completely toxic and ridiculous, you’re a better person than me for even agreeing to have them at the ceremony.  I understand exactly what you’re saying about your fiance not wanting to rock the boat for fear of losing touch with his brothers, but I really agree with the previous posts that say he needs to stick up for you… and if she doesn’t already, I think your SIL needs to stick up for her partner. Someone has to tell these people that what they’re doing is not OK.  

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