(Closed) Raising kids in an interfaith household

posted 10 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 32
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

Just wanted to chime in as an interfaith kid. My father was a lapsed Catholic (even though his family is still church going) and my mother wasn’t raised in a very religious Jewish family, but they raised us Jewish. To me, Christmas and Easter were holidays where I got to eat really awesome food at my Grandmother’s. I know a lot of other “Pizza Bagels” (Italian Jews) who didn’t grow up with a strong religious identity because their parents tried to teach them about both religions and I think they ended up lost in the shuffle. I’m grateful that my parents allowed us to feel a strong connection to one community in particular. I still value my Catholic roots, but like being a Reformed Jew. I know my faith has gotten me through some tough times, and I’m not super observant. I think it’s common for even Reformed Rabbis to expect you to raise Jewish kids. Feel free to PM me if you have any interfaith/Jewish questions!

Just my two cents!

Post # 33
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think what adds to the confusion of religious topics on the boards is that just as there are all different types of religions, people have all different experiences. Unless anyone here is a priest, rabbi, minister, etc.- none of us are experts- we can only speak to our OWN experiences. A lot of times people on these boards say things that completely conflict with other people’s experiences- but they say them with such conviction as if they “must be true.” For example, it’s confusing when certain people continually post that a priest and a rabbi cannot co-officiate in a wedding ceremony, yet multiple bees have come on the boards and stated that they HAVE been to weddings and personally witnessed a priest and a rabbi co-officiating. How do you explain that? So it’s all very confusing, because for every hard statement people make on these issues, someone else has had an experience that is an exception to the would-be “rule.” I know I personally have experienced A LOT of conflciting information during my wedding planning experience that flies in the face of Canon Law and how I was raised. It only adds to the confusion and frustration.

I myself am not an expert, nor do I claim to be. All I can do it share my experience with others in the hopes that they can benefit from it, or at least not feel completely alone in our similar situation. I don’t know about anyone else, but that’s why I’m on these boards- to learn from other bees and to share ideas.  I’m grateful to the bees who come to these boards to share their experiences or knowledge – without judgment- in the hopes that someone like me won’t feel so alone in all of this.

Good luck to you, MissEmilyMarie, and all the other bees who are sharing a similar struggle.  

 

Post # 34
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

View original reply
@Miss Emily Marie:  You said in one of your follow-up posts that “We do plan to expose them to both religion as many PP have suggested, however they cannot truly ‘be both’ once baptized, they are no longer Jewish.”

That is exactly what I was saying you shouldn’t do.  Baptizing your children basically “forces” them into being Catholic; you aren’t truely giving them exposure to both and letting them chose.  By having them baptized, you’re choosing for them.

There is nothing wrong with being baptized when you’re older – I have a good friend who wasn’t baptized until after college.  If, after exposure to both religions, your children choose when they are older to become Catholic, they can be baptized at that point.

Post # 35
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@CoffeeHound: This isn’t the place and that is not part of the discussion.  Sometimes we have to know how and when to use our knowledge, and you are just not ‘helping’ with that here and now. 

 

View original reply
@Monkeygirl: I think it’s confusing because of language. For some, the “officiant” of the wedding may be a rabbi… and since there’s a priest he ‘must’ be a “co-offiant.” It’s what our brains and common knowledge tell us. However, the technical term may be different. In the end, the same is being accomplished. Sometimes, people get to wrapped up in language and don’t look at the whole picture… or take things to far or seriously.  

View original reply
@vaness13181: Please don’t respond to Coffeehound. It’s not worth it. 

Post # 36
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

1. The Catholic faith encompasses the Jewish faith, meaning that I could go to services and be able to participate without breaking my religion. The same is not true the other way around, Fiance could not go to a Catholic mass and be able to participate without discomfort since the beliefs are different.

That’s not really valid at all.  While Christianity has it’s roots in Judaism, it’s not fair to say that Christianity encompasses Judaism.  The fundamental tenant for Christianity is the belief in Jesus’ divinity.  If you raise your children Jewish, they will believe that Jesus was just a gifted rabbi and that the Christ will one day come to save them.  This is completely contrary to Christian views. 

I’m not saying that you should raise your kids Jewish or Christian – that’s your decision.  But the argument that raising them Jewish is the same as raising them partially Christian doesn’t hold water.  As does the argument that your husband won’t be comfortable in a church but you should be comfortable in a temple.  Remember, you have to go to Mass every week regardless.

2. the Jewish population is so small, that every Jewish person counts.

The Jewish population is about 28 times larger than the Scientologist population.  Does that mean you should raise your child as a Scientologist?  I mean, this argument also makes no sense. 

 

Obviously it’s up to you to determine what’s best for your family and your children.  It’s not going to be easy, but nothing is when two people disagree on something so important to each of them.  However, I’m sure you’ll be able to work through it.  But don’t try to be steamrolled one way or the other by bad arguments (as the above two demonstrate).  Good luck!

 

Post # 37
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

TROLL:
The traditional definition of a troll refers to a member of a community or usenet group who makes posts deliberately designed to attract responses of outrage or indignation.  It is the troll’s intent to “hook” unsuspecting members into responding, (hence the term “trolling”), thus providing him/her self with the satisfaction of knowing they have impact on others.

 

Post # 38
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

View original reply
@Monkeygirl: I’m sorry, you’re the one trolling.  You follow me to every thread and post that troll image.  Why?  Because I informed you that hiring a “woman priest” to conduct your wedding would not only make the wedding invalid by excommunicate you.  If you have a problem with that fact, you can contact the prefect for the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith at 39-06-698-83296 and ask them to change their ruling on “women priests”.

Following me from thread to thread to call me a troll is not only not going to change Divine Law to suit your needs, but is also trolling on your part.

Post # 39
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

To a PP, you can actually be a Chrisitan without leaving being a Jew. There are one or two MESSIANIC Jewish congregations here in Houston, that’s another option for some… Messianic Judiasm. And, before anybody attacks me – that descriptoin “being a Christian without leaving being a Jew” is the descrption I observed the leader of a M.J. congregation giving…

Post # 40
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

@evalague: The idea that “you can actually be a Christian without leaving being a Jew” is not true, at least not in the eyes of Judaism. Messianic Judaism is just another form of Christianity, albeit with more Hebrew, Jewish songs and prayers in the service, etc. But once you accept Jesus as the Messiah, you are a Christian. Of course the leader of a MJ congregation would say it’s possible to be both–these people want to convert Jews so they assure them that they don’t have to give anything up, but it’s just not true.

From the Central Conference of American Rabbis: “For us in the Jewish community, anyone who claims that Jesus is their savior is no longer a Jew and is an apostate. Through that belief she has placed herself outside the Jewish community. Whether she cares to define herself as a Christian or as a ‘fulfilled Jew,’ ‘Messianic Jew,’ or any other designation is irrelevant; to us, she is clearly a Christian.

Just wanted to clarify. I say “to each his own” when it comes to religion, but the MJ thing is commonly misunderstood.

Post # 41
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CoffeeHound, I’m not trolling at all. I actually provided positive feedback to MissEmilyMarie on this post and her other posts- before you ever even hopped on board with all your judgment and negativity. Look at my posts- and then look at YOURS. I’m not the one judging people and harrassing people trying to shove my point of view down their throats. Unlike you, I don’t have any hidden agenda.

I never “called” you a troll- and actually – it was two other bees who posted this pic and referenced a troll on the other thread you’re referring to. I merely agreed with them. I am definitely NOT the only member of this community who is wondering why you’re here other than to pass judgment and cause fights. I have actually received really nice emails from other bees who were also offended by the things you’ve said. I’ve been an active member of this community for months. YOU are the one who has done nothing but pass judgment, attack people and cause fights, and despite the fact that you have been reminded what the purpose of this community is- you still CHOOSE to conduct yourself in a nasty and offensive manner.

Post # 42
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

View original reply
@Monkeygirl:  Excuse me?  I gave a clarifying post regarding whether a priest can co-officiate.  Not only that, but I cited my reference rather than throwing around “I saw…”, “I heard….”, etc.  That was a valuable contribution.

You, on the other hand, have followed me for three threads posting that I’m a “troll” attempting to cause fights.  What’s really happening is that you feel that if you can demean me enough, the facts (not opinion, but actual facts) I’m posting will cease to be true.  This is ad hominem at its most blatent.

I’m sorry it hurts you, but if you’re married by a woman priest, it won’t be a valid marriage in the eyes of the Catholic church.  And no amount of personal attacks will change that, so you might as well just move on. 

 

Post # 43
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 

View original reply
@CoffeeHound: and 
View original reply
@Monkeygirl:

Y’all will never get along or agree. PLEASE take it off the boards and leave all these threads free of your drama. You both know the other will never back down, so someone please step up and take it off the boards. PM each other if you must… just, for the love leave it off the boards and stop subjecting the WB community to your bickering.

Post # 44
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Miss Emily Marie: To respond to your original post directly: yes this is a consideration in our marriage, and yes I understand your concerns.

I am the product of an interfaith household myself, but I would prefer not to detail my entire story. Let me say that I anticipated some strife as a non-Catholic marrying a Roman Catholic, but that our final decision is to raise any potential future offspring as an adherent of no particular religion because we believe faith cannot be taught.

We will instill our values in our offspring, and expose them to as many religions as possible. Any decision that is binding — such as a baptism — will take place only after thorough study and at an appropriate age. We have always liked the Angels & Demons quote, “Faith is a gift I have yet to receive” because it acknowledges that a person can not be taught to believe anything he or she does not feel.

As for our families: this is part of the education, in our opinion. When my aunt hosts Passover, we will attend. When my other aunt hosts Christmas, we will attend (and the same, of course, for his family).

I should note that we will have a secular ceremony, so I have no experience with “promising” anything to anyone.

I don’t know if our story helps at all, but I hope it adds another perspective. So much depends on the strength of faith in the parents, and the level to which you are both willing to let your future children learn and grow for themselves. It is a challenge, to be sure, but it is not impossible. Best of luck, and please keep us informed of how you progress.

Post # 45
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

View original reply
@KLP2010:  I’m more than happy to let it go.  She’s the one literally following me from thread to thread posting that troll image.  Despite the fact that I’ve told her multiple times to take it back to the original thread, she’s on some personal mission to discredit me.  I hope this will be the end of that (I’d put her on ignore if I knew how)

 

As for the discussion regarding Messianic Jews, Wikipedia has a very thorough and neutral article on the topic:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messianic_Judaism

 

 

 

 

Post # 46
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@KLP- you are right, my sincere apologies if I upset you or anyone else. This is a waste of my time.

The topic ‘Raising kids in an interfaith household’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors