(Closed) Raising My White Flag On The Christmas Challenge…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3587 posts
Sugar bee

That sounds like a great idea. It’s always good to make sure your relationship is marriage ready. I was kinda just thinking about this, just give our relationshi a check up, ya know? I’m gonna check out that post too.

I’m not pulling out the challenge, but I’m thinking about take a break from anything wedding/marriage related. Just tired of beating a dead horse at this point. New developments of “stuff he had to pay off this week” has put a damper on me. πŸ™

Post # 5
174 posts
Blushing bee

I’m just using the CC to break “keeping my mouth shut” into smaller chunks.  I’ve kind of set an ultimatum for August 2011 (1 month after our 4th anniv.), and although it would be hard to keep my mouth shut until then, doing the CC is helping me break it up into two month chunks. 

Post # 6
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Izziebear- GET out of my head!LOL I have to keep reminding myself it’s just to stop hounding my SO, not a reward. I just keep thinking, be quiet, it’ll come faster.

Msnelson13- I’ve keeing my mouth shut until my birthday. Then, I’m busting it wide open.lol

Post # 7
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@izziebear: After we went ring shopping I got really excited and antsy, but I never talked to him about it. I can not explain what it was, sort of what you described where I came to a realization that I love him  so much and the ring honestly didn’t matter and enjoyed being with him and ring thoughts vanished from my mind. 

I had no idea he was going to propose on Thanksgiving and the way he proposed was amazing. I ALWAYS knew we were going to get engaged, when didn’t matter to me, do you have that gut feeling that you know he is going to do it? Because I knew this I was able to patiently wait for the proposal and it was perfect. 

Post # 9
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Good for you! I understand where you are coming from. I was being super obsessive for awhile there with my SO. Ironically, when we got to the point where we were looking at rings, etc., I totally cooled down about. I just felt like I was chasing after the engagement and when I saw it was in sight, it made me realize I just need to sit back and enjoy the relationship and the ride. Now, I don’t even want it to happen right away! I would be fine waiting another six months or so at this point. I want him to do it on his own terms and for both of us to make sure we want to get married for the right reasons.

I applaud you to focus on working on your relationship to make it the best possible and not so much on the ring and the will you marry me. πŸ™‚

Post # 10
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

While I have a lot of sympathies for the waiting bees (I got engaged for the first time at age 40!), I hate the idea of a Christmas Challenge.  I have run off more than one man by harping on him for a proposal.

This part of your life is not a competition. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.  If the time frame doesn’t suit you, move on.  Prior to our engagement, Darling Husband knew exactly how I felt.  I didn’t need to harass him, pressure him or plan a wedding before an engagement.  I also knew he had some things to work on.  While I never verbalized it to him, in my mind I had an acceptable time frame after he had taken care of what he needed.  I was prepared emotionally and financially to leave if it didn’t work.   He totally surprised me with a proposal several months before “time up”.

@izziebear: @MsMamaBear: you have both developed great attitudes and perspective.  While I wish I had had your wisdom when I was younger, I probably wouldn’t be with my Darling Husband now.  Guess it was a good thing I was stupid:)

Post # 11
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Izziebear-i’m really antsy too and I know i shouldn’t hound him about it, but I know I do it and he must hate me sometimes for it. this board is the only place i can gain some sanity to talk about it without bothering him so i’m happy i have you all to talk to.

msnelson13-i have an august 11 deadline too, only it will be our 7(!) year anniversary then and i refuse to wait any longer than that. this challenge is helping me to just let my relationship be while (trying) not to obsess about an engagment so much.

Post # 12
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@izziebear: Kudos to you!  I had that exact same realization a few months before Fiance proposed, and those were honestly the best months of our relationship.  It’s hard, but like you said, when you stop focusing on the wedding and focus on the marriage that’s what matters most anyway, and that’s what is the foundation for everything.  Here’s what I did….

I started by writing down my top favorite qualities about my guy and ways that we’re compatible.  Then, whenever I got tempted to bring up “ring stuff”, I would think about these qualities and that this was the guy I would wait forever for… and it helped keep me from bringing up too much.

I also started a game where I would ask Fiance crazy questions whenever we were driving/hanging out (prime ring discussion time!).  Things like his favorite childhood memory, can he name every girl he’s ever (EVER!) liked, what life goal is most important… things like that.  It helped us talk about important things and focus on building our relationship stronger.

I also tried to do a sweet thing for Fiance every time I saw him.  It could be anything from taking his dishes to the sink for him, cleaning up his bathroom, asking what he needed to have done, etc.  It put me in a good mood being able to help him, and he was in a good mood too from feeling so loved.

I hope those help!  I know waiting gets tough at times, but in reality, most people are semi-engaged before the ring appears, so keep in mind that he’s just waiting for the right time to ask… it’s just a formality more than anything. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
169 posts
Blushing bee

@Georgia Bee: I think you missed the point of the Christmas Challenge. It is a challenge NOT to talk about an engagement/wedding until Christmas.


@izziebear: Good for you πŸ™‚

Post # 14
1313 posts
Bumble bee

@izziebear: I could have written this post! Or, rather I wish I could have written this post πŸ˜‰ Good for you! Glad you have taken a step back and realized. Honestly, reading your post is just more of an inspiration to me to do the same thing as you. This waiting game has also turned me into a major control freak and I am definitely struggling with the same issues as you are.

“But I’m an analyzer by nature, and if I don’t successfully cool my jets a little bit, I will always question if he succumbed to massive pressure rather than pick his proposal moment on his own.”

Couldn’t be me more. I am SO afraid of that!!  :/

Post # 15
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant

Bravo Bravo! I know it’s hard to wait.  I never talked about it on the blog, but I was there too.  It’s seriously wonderful that you are self-reflecting and growing in yourself and your relatoinship.  I’ve found it really important to continue to work on our relationship.  It’s probably easier to start pre-engagement and to CONTINUE after engagement.  I really would encourage you to continue with the practice of sessioning so that you communicate even after you get engaged.  Things can get really tense in the mist of wedding planning.  It’s really important that your “relationship” still have it’s time.  The wedding planning steals so much time away from the relationship building you know?  My advice to you is to always keep the relationship priority number one.  Always stop to make sure you’re taking care of your partner’s needs and that your needs are being fulfilled.  I applaud your efforts!

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