- 8 years ago
Recently, I have had a sudden change of heart in terms of waiting. Up until this point, I have been antsy, impatient, and more than eager about becoming engaged before the year was up. My SO happily endured all my whining, didn’t flinch when I showcased wedding decor ideas from my laptop, personally took my ring size himself, and kept a smile on his face as I insanely rambled from my excited perch on the sofa. While he had mentioned, on multiple occasions, that the possibility of us getting engaged around the holiday season was very high, I could tell that he was starting to feel the pressure. I began to realize that I was taking charge over an event and milestone in our relationship that he wanted to be responsible for; perhaps I was even taking the fun out of it for him. So I sat, and I thought about it. And thought about it some more.
My relationship with P is so wonderful. However, we are complete and total opposites in almost every way possible. Our communication styles are a little different, our hobbies and interests from completely different sides of the spectrum. But we really try to be on the same page whenever possible. And the wild love we have for one another wins every time. While our relationship is really quite healthy and very fulfilling, I feel like this whole “waiting” thing has turned me into a control freak. For example, P has played rugby and soccer his entire life, and has quite a rigorous schedule of practice, playing, and coaching. Ever since I became knee-deep in Waiting Land, I feel like I’m wanting him home more and more, complaining about his sport commitments, expecting him to skip on practice to sit by my side while I watch ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’. Seriously?! I had to stop and ask myself if I expected him to stop playing sports when we got married – if the extra couch time he could commit to me would make him more “husband-like”. I quickly realized that my obsession with becoming engaged was pulling me away from the real reason I fell in love with him – his passion and dedication to me, but also to things outside of our relationship.
After reading Mrs. Hot Wings recent blog post about working on her relationship prior to marriage, we talked about it and decided to start some DIY couples counseling to get ourselves truly “marriage-ready”. I want to be able to iron out some of our differences, all of which have popped up since I became truly wedding obsessed. I want to get engaged when we’re at the top of our game, and I feel like I need to give him some breathing room about this whole issue. The last thing I want him to think is that I wish to change him, or modify the way in which he makes the most important decision of his life.
So, I’m going to pull myself out of the Christmas challenge, for my own sanity. Deep down, I would still be elated if he popped the question this holiday season, and truthfully, there’s a great possibility it will still happen. However, I think I just need to cool it down a notch. I know we don’t have too much longer to go, and that’s a good thing indeed. But I’m an analyzer by nature, and if I don’t successfully cool my jets a little bit, I will always question if he succumbed to massive pressure rather than pick his proposal moment on his own.
Any other bees feel the same way? Are there any graduated bees that have tips on how to take a step back from the obsession, relax and enjoy the wait?
As always, the best of luck to all my fellow waiting ladies!