(Closed) Random Etiquette/Invite Question

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would tell your fiance sorry, but you already told them it’s okay if theyy don’t do the ceremony. Encourage him to stop thinking about guests in terms of dollars spent.

Post # 4
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not Christian but I’ve been more than happy to sit through an hour long service as part of the wedding ceremony… because I did it for my friends/family.  But you know, everyone has different comfort levels.  I’d say that you already told A that it wasn’t mandatory to be at the ceremony, so go with that.  If A & B decide to come to the wedding, they can’t complain about the service because they had the option to come or not.  And if they decide NOT to come to the service (and only show for the reception) then you don’t have to listen to them complain anyway, beause they didn’t have to sit through the service.

Either way, just enjoy your day.  And tell your Fiance to relax… honestly, I doubt he’ll even notice who is there at the ceremony!

Post # 5
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

B is an overbearing, intolerant jerk, IMO (and I say that as an atheist with no use for religion). A sounds like s/he was more trying to be funny/kid you about the religous stuff.

I don’t blame your Fiance for feeling that way, but you already told them they didn’t have to come to the ceremony, so you kinda have to stick with it, now. And it might be better. They won’t be taking up prime seats and making faces. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

From my limited knowledge, I thought it was pretty normal to have a long church ceremony as a part of an English wedding? I’m surprised they are so disgusted by it. It can’t be the first one they’ve encountered!

They are being very rude. If it bothers someone enough to be in a church, all that person needs to do is stay quiet about it and go to the reception only – no fuss! I wouldn’t bring it up again, but if it comes up I would simply say that you’re having the lovely ceremony you want, and if they want to attend or not is their choice, but you would love for them to take part.

Post # 9
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Rachel631:  If you believe in whatever you believe in strongly enough to have an hour long church ceremony, and B believes that religion is the root of all evil, I’m somewhat surprised that the two of you are still close! I’m presuming that A & B are maybe related to you?

They were both very rude to insinuate that the ceremony would be a burden. Clearly you all know each other’s opinions on these sorts of things, and there’s no need to make you feel poorly about a very personal choice.

However…neither you nor your fiance can control their reactions to the ceremony. Don’t try. It will only give you a headache.

I honestly think you should just let the whole thing pass. If they show, they show. If they don’t, they don’t. And if they show and are really overtly jerks about it, they’ll only be making themselves look stupid, rude and tone-deaf. And, sorry, I have to say it: if your husband to be would be so consumed by this issue that he would need his best man to distract him on the day of his wedding…his priorities are misplaced.

Post # 11
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Rachel631:  I wasn’t trying to be harsh to your guy! I think it’s something we are all guilty of at some point or another. That’s just what I think of when I hear people upset about people getting the food and drink but not coming to the ceremony. To me it’s not that they’re choosing to come to the recpetion because that’s the expensive part, they’re choosing to come because that’s the part where they can whole heartedl support your relationship and commitment. Since it sounds like they aren’t going to be able to do that in an church.

All that being said, I do think think they were rude and out of line. No doubt about that. But why would your fiance want to guilt them into going to a ceremony where they would clearly be uncomfortable to be worthy of getting fed?

It never should hav been an issue because they should have never brought it up and either sat through the ceremony without comment, or skipped iit and met you at the reception. But at this point I think it would be awkward to go back and say “well fiance really wants you at the ceremony” especially if they haven’t gotten along in the past.

Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@geekspice:  Agreed. I’m Agnostic and don’t enjoy religious weddings/feel uncomfortable during religious things of any sort, but really, B’s response made me mad. What a jerk. Shut up and go, it’s not going to kill you. 

Post # 14
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Rachel631:  First, you already said it was ok, and not only that the invite is for both parts of the event, you can’t really tell people they have to come to both or not to come to either. 

Many priests seem to be starting to suggest skipping the overtly religious gospel aspects of a wedding, simply because not all of your guests will be religious or even the same religion as yourselves, and the point is to be making your wedding enjoyable for both you and Fiance as well as your guests. 

If some of your guests simply are not comfortable attending an hour long religious service, you need to respect that the same way you would expect them to respect your beliefs. 

Post # 16
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@drummerbride:  I think she could respect it if they weren’t being jerks to her.  It’s one thing to be somewhat put out that you have to sit through a church wedding…it’s a VERY different thing to complain to the bride about it.  It’s Rachel631 and her fiance’s day, not A’s day and not B’s day. 

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