Post # 32
My Fiance and I are both agnostic and have strong dislike for religion. We attended my cousin’s wedding in which there was an hour long catholic mass attached. Was it slightly awkward/boring? Sure, cause neither of us subscribe to those beliefs, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t about us. So we sucked it up, smiled, attended the ceremony, went to the reception and had a good time. My brother is getting married in August and they will also have a full catholic mass. Not only am I sucking it up and attending, they’ve asked me to sing in their wedding – to which I said yes. It’s their day and that’s all that matters.
A and B should be able to suck it up, smile, and take the time to celebrate your happiness, no matter how you choose to show it. It’s not like you’re asking them to convert to your beliefs. And if not, you’ve already given them an out – though I think it’s a bit ridiculous that they even complained to you about it. They don’t have to like it, but they really shouldn’t make you feel bad about your decision.
Post # 33
Ridiculous, it’s not like you can tell from looking whether it’s a male or female cat!
Oh, dear … so many possibilities for dirty and irreverent jokes … squelching the impulse …
Post # 34
A and B sound like jerks. I am jewish and have sat through many christian ceremonys. i don’t believe in jesus or anything involved in the religious aspect, but if my friends are getting married, i am there to support them. i don’t need to pray myself, i can sit there quietly and listen.
then have an awesome time at the reception.
Post # 35
@Rachel631: Are these people relatives? I ask because frankly, I can’t imagine being friends with people so intolerant and rude let alone who thought me stupid, mindless and evil.
Tell your Fiance’ that you’ve already offered them the option of skipping the ceremony and it would be awkward to take that back now. Add that given their poor attitudes and inability to keep their rude comments to themselves, you’d be happier if they did skip the ceremony.
In My Humble Opinion, I also think you need to set some boundaries with A and B. I suspect neither would appreciate being preached at or told their beliefs are wrong or misguided so it is massively hypocritical of them to feel they have any right to shove their beliefs/opinions on others.
If they object to your religious ceremony, then the answer is simple – don’t attend the wedding. If they feel they must come due to their relationship to you, then they need to suck it up, put a sock in it and be adult enough to attend graciously and politely. If they’re not mature enough to sit through a religious ceremony without making their disdain known to you and the other guests, then they need to stay home. Period.
You would be well within your rights to tell them calmly but firmly that you are aware of their feelings and respect their beliefs and simply ask that they show you the same respect.
Post # 36
Feel free! I remember I made a joke in another post about how, if my wedding was going horribly wrong on the day, I would just start drinking. I said:
“I’m marrying a Catholic, I may as well start drinking like one!”
This makes more sense when you consider that my religious tradition is traditionally completely teetotal. And everyone was all “you’re disrespectful and horrible for saying stuff like that!”.
I thought… guys… it’s a joke… as in… funny… haha? Have you never seen Father Ted? It’s one of the jokes from that! Why so serious?
A was also horrified when we mentioned that we were going to have “the Lord is my Shepherd” as a psalm because it contains the words “as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death” in it. I said “it’s nice though… I can be like FI’s rod or his staff, right?”
Without missing a beat, Fiance turned around and said “actually, she’s death”. A practically choked on her tea. She doesn’t really have a highly developed sense of humour, I have to say!
Post # 37
@Rachel631: I see that it’s been 3 weeks and I’m not sure this is helpful to you anymore, BUT, I think I might have some helpful advice. The way I plan on handling this if it arises is to say how important I think wedding guests are. It isn’t about money or food and drink it is totally about support. The people who are sitting in the pews at my religious wedding (whether or not they are religious) are supporting me, my partner, and our marriage as is. These are the people I can go to for help and advice because I know they support us in the context of our relationship and our religion. I am not pushing my religion on to them, I’m just expressing what is important to me and all they are saying with their attendance is that it is ok that this be important to me.
I feel like if you go to them with this attitude, they might be more willing to attend and do it gracefully, without complaint.
Post # 38
I get that you’re in a religion that doesn’t allow women’s ordination, but female ministers DO exist.
Post # 39
Indeed. My mother was one! I’m not actually Catholic, but Fiance is, and we are marrying in a Catholic church (just to clarify).
I just thought it was so odd that Future Sister-In-Law would look at such a bizarre and surreal image, and the first thing that comes into her mind is “hang on! The minister is the wrong gender!”
Post # 40
ok cool. I’m in school to be one, so I tend to be a little sensative on that.