(Closed) Random Etiquette/Invite Question

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My Fiance and I are both agnostic and have strong dislike for religion. We attended my cousin’s wedding in which there was an hour long catholic mass attached. Was it slightly awkward/boring? Sure, cause neither of us subscribe to those beliefs, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t about us. So we sucked it up, smiled, attended the ceremony, went to the reception and had a good time. My brother is getting married in August and they will also have a full catholic mass. Not only am I sucking it up and attending, they’ve asked me to sing in their wedding – to which I said yes.  It’s their day and that’s all that matters.

A and B should be able to suck it up, smile, and take the time to celebrate your happiness, no matter how you choose to show it. It’s not like you’re asking them to convert to your beliefs. And if not, you’ve already given them an out – though I think it’s a bit ridiculous that they even complained to you about it. They don’t have to like it, but they really shouldn’t make you feel bad about your decision.

Post # 33
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

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@Rachel631: Ridiculous, it’s not like you can tell from looking whether it’s a male or female cat!

Oh, dear … so many possibilities for dirty and irreverent jokes … squelching the impulse …

Post # 34
Member
9596 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

A and B sound like jerks.  I am jewish and have sat through many christian ceremonys.  i don’t believe in jesus or anything involved in the religious aspect, but if my friends are getting married, i am there to support them.  i don’t need to pray myself, i can sit there quietly and listen.

then have an awesome time at the reception.

 

 

Post # 35
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Rachel631:  Are these people relatives?  I ask because frankly, I can’t imagine being friends with people so intolerant and rude let alone who thought me stupid, mindless and evil. 

Tell your Fiance’ that you’ve already offered them the option of skipping the ceremony and it would be awkward to take that back now.  Add that given their poor attitudes and inability to keep their rude comments to themselves, you’d be happier if they did skip the ceremony.

In My Humble Opinion, I also think you need to set some boundaries with A and B.  I suspect neither would appreciate being preached at or told their beliefs are wrong or misguided so it is massively hypocritical of them to feel they have any right to shove their beliefs/opinions on others. 

If they object to your religious ceremony, then the answer is simple – don’t attend the wedding.  If they feel they must come due to their relationship to you, then they need to suck it up, put a sock in it and be adult enough to attend graciously and politely.  If they’re not mature enough to sit through a religious ceremony without making their disdain known to you and the other guests, then they need to stay home.  Period. 

You would be well within your rights to tell them calmly but firmly that you are aware of their feelings and respect their beliefs and simply ask that they show you the same respect.   

Post # 37
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Rachel631:  I see that it’s been 3 weeks and I’m not sure this is helpful to you anymore, BUT, I think I might have some helpful advice.  The way I plan on handling this if it arises is to say how important I think wedding guests are.  It isn’t about money or food and drink it is totally about support.  The people who are sitting in the pews at my religious wedding (whether or not they are religious) are supporting me, my partner, and our marriage as is.  These are the people I can go to for help and advice because I know they support us in the context of our relationship and our religion.  I am not pushing my religion on to them, I’m just expressing what is important to me and all they are saying with their attendance is that it is ok that this be important to me. 

I feel like if you go to them with this attitude, they might be more willing to attend and do it gracefully, without complaint.  

Post # 38
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Rachel631:  I get that you’re in a religion that doesn’t allow women’s ordination, but female ministers DO exist.  

Post # 40
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@Rachel631:  ok cool.  I’m in school to be one, so I tend to be a little sensative on that.

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