(Closed) Old friend asks "where's my save the date?"

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

I guess it depends on how large your wedding is, and if you really want this person at your wedding. I’m guessing you don’t, since she didn’t make the 1st cut. 

If I were you, I would just say, “Well, as you know, weddings are expensive, and we have to keep our list small.” I wouldn’t make a big deal about the amount of time you’ve spent together recently, unless you would like to spend more time with her.

In my opinion, she was totally out of line to ask you. 


Post # 4
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i personally dont care what the situation or back story is ,  I would NEVER ask someone where my invite/save the date to their wedding was.   i think its so distasteful.  I’ve had a few people telling me I “better send them an invite”   while i have nervous laughter and not knowing how to respond.  frankly, i don’t want every tom, dick, and harry at my wedding. just because i knew them once.

Post # 5
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@laekna:  +1

I wouldn’t invite her. I mean let’s be honest, she’s gonna get wasted at the wedding and then who the hell knows what she’ll do. I’d say what the first poster mentioned. Blame it on expense and wanting to keep it small. Even if you’re having 500 people. She’ll get the hint.

Post # 8
404 posts
Helper bee

She sounds awful. I’ve had friends like her, in the “only interested in drinking, become awful when they do” kinda way. Ditch her, you’re losing nothing.

I get the impression she was more upset that she didn’t get the invite because she felt left out rather than because she actually cares for you and wants to be there to support you on your big day.

Set a time limit, if you don’t hear back from her text by the end of that (say, 1 week from sending) then she’s off the list. (that’s what I’d do any way)

ETA: I added the timeline thought, just because I really suck at texting and have an issue with my thumb that sometimes flares up, if she’s normally really quick to reply, your timeline might be up.

Post # 9
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just hope she doesn’t respond within a week. If she does just say “Sorry, when I didn’t hear back I had to move forward with my plans. We just finalized everything already. Lets go see a movie sometime!”

Post # 10
22 posts
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is so weird, she forced you into inviting you, which you didn’t want to do and now that you have, she is making you “suffer” again.

I sometimes don’t understand why people need to be that complicated and rude, especially when you’re getting married. My brother once said that you get to know people the best during your wedding organization, and I guess he was right.

You seem to be a really nice person because you felt bad enough about it to write in this forum, and to invite her when you didn’t want to. Therefore, I would just forget the text messages because you did everything on your part!!!!

Post # 12
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Snapdragon2804:  So sorry you have to deal with that. You are under no obligation to invite her, no matter what anyone says. If someone has a problem with it, too bad. While she may be fun to be around while sober, being in an environment where alcohol is involved usually makes things get out of hand fast. My brother’s on/off again girlfriend is the same way–friendly and sweet sober, but mean and picks physical fights with him when drunk (she even tripped over a chair and called cops claiming he pushed her, more than once).

If your friend continues to pester you, just tell her you’ve already maxed out the venue capacity or something. Good luck!

Post # 13
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Did she ever get back to you?

Post # 14
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

It sounds like you already made your decision.  You don’t want her there.  So why would you invite her now?  Honestly, I’d probably ignore the text altogether.  It’s beyond rude of her to ask to be invited.  Don’t feel pressured to invite her when you’re legitimately concerned she’ll make a scene.

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