Randoms inviting themselves

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
3759 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m a teacher/coach and I had a parent of a student tell me they couldn’t wait to receive an invite. I was completely taken aback and honestly don’t remember what I said. I just mumbled something and changed the subject. In hindsight I should have been upfront and say we had to limit our guest list to family and close friends. 

Post # 3
7088 posts
Busy Beekeeper

For the date question

“It will be in October! We’re keeping it small though, I’ll be sure to send you pictures after!”

For the invite question

“Youre so sweet! It will be just a small family affair, lets catch up afterwards!”

Just something to let them know they arent invited, and then change the topic.

Post # 5
7 posts
  • Wedding: March 2018

Can’t say I have had people actually ask to be sent an invite but I have have plenty of people hint that they are expecting an invitation. One cousin posted on Facebook “can’t make it to the engagement party but will be there for the wedding” and other comments of “when is the wedding so I can put it in my diary”. I just reply with “March” without giving the date. We are having a relativly small wedding (35 people) and both our families started telling people from day 1 that it was only going to be tiny. Some people just don’t get hints though and need to be told straight up.

Post # 6
3076 posts
Sugar bee

madilynnnne :  YES!

several people! That i am not overly close with or ever hung out with on a personal level. See them at work (not even my actual coworkers).

I think i just laughed and was like Yeah! its so tough because i have so much family and then changed the subject to about how they are all overseas and planning to come. I like PP suggestion above though.


Reminds me of that BuzzFeed video about engaged couples planning a wedding. Someone says to them “oh i didnt get an invite” and they both just went “huhhhhh hmmmmmmm weirdddddd” and walked off hahah 

Post # 7
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Oh my god, this is so awkward! The only thing similar that happened to me was a friend (use the term friendly lightly) who I was friendly with years ago. We are talking high school years ago. He messaged me on FB and said “Hey, I’m not sure what the wedding etiquette is, but so&so and I broke up. So please don’t send our invitation together”   

Errrrrrrrr….. Will do! Thanks for the heads up! 


LOL. People are so ballsy sometimes!

Post # 8
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Its happened a couple times. I’m kind of at the point where I’m not in the mood to be nice or courteous to anyone rude enough to try and invite themselves. 😤 Latest is a friend of my moms whom I’ve met a handful of times and each time she’s been three sheets to the wind. I mean a blubbering, emotional, touchy feely mess that I do not want to see at my wedding. Tells mom she’s ‘only coming for the ceremony and just wants to see something beautiful’. 😒 I’m like mom I refuse to even entertain this discussion its a flat out no and thats all there is to it. People are something else. 

Post # 9
13 posts
  • Wedding: October 2017

Don’t feel guilty or feel bad for turning randoms away. If theyre rude enough to show up uninvited then you should be rude enough to show them the door. I wouldn’t put up with it. I’m getting married soon too and on my invitations im sending out its saying something like “dear mr&mrs (name of individuals/individual) we the bride and groom are getting married in a small private wedding ceremony on (date of wedding) @ (name of venue) at 2:00pm. We have reserved (number of seats) in your honor for the names of the individuals mentioned on the invitation. We have enclosed a details&information sheet with our invitations we have sent out that explains everything there is to know about our wedding. Thank you and we hope you will be able to come.” The details&information sheet talks about the theme, colors, attire, etc. Were including them with our invitations were sending out so we don’t have to repeat ourselves over and over again. On the details and information sheets there’s gonna be a section that talks about plus ones and children….We’re saying “due to the private and intimate nature of our wedding we kindly ask everyone please understands the invitation is only meant for the names/name of the individuals/individual mentioned on the invitation. Although we love children and feel they are a blessing we have decided to give parents and adults the opportunity to take some time alone to theirselves to relax and visit so the minimum age to attend is 10 years old (besides those participating in the wedding ceremony) so if you have children under that age we politely ask that you please make babysitting arrangements as there will not be babysitting services provided. Thank you for your understanding and we hope you will still be able to come celebrate with us on our special day as your presence is very important to us.” If you’re worried about people just showing up one thing you could do to prevent univited people walking in and to keep the guest count down you could do what I’m doing and provide your doorman or guest book attendant with a guest list and the people who show up will give that person their name and from that point the guest book attendant will have them sign the guest book and an usher will make sure they get seated. But if their name isn’t on the list they don’t get in. Plain and simple. It may seem harsh but it’s your wedding and if people don’t like it that’s just too damn bad because it’s not about them. I’m also writing on there about a rsvp deadline date where people who get an invitation from us have until then to confirm their rsvp. If we don’t hear from them by then we’ll assume theyre not coming and their seat will be guaranteed to another guest. After that rsvp deadline date has passed our guest list and reserved seating plan will be finalized and no reserved seating plan will be made for last minute rsvps or extra unexpected guests we never knew about so that’s why if they are planning on attending our wedding it is very important to rsvp asap. I also suggest you make it an unplugged ceremony meaning no use of cellphones, cameras, or any other electronic devices because you wouldn’t want somebody to have their nose in their phone or whatever because they’d be missing out on seeing you getting married.

Post # 10
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

This has definitely happened to me. Somebody actually invited themselves by leaving a comment on an Instagram pic of my FH and I. 😂😂

I don’t have any good advice though because I did not handle it well at all. If I could redo everything, I would have been way more strict with who we invited and who we allowed our parents to invite. But it somehow worked out because 3 weeks out and I have 3 less RSVPs than my venue’s capacity and I am not over budget for catering. 

Post # 12
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

madilynnnne :  So far no one is hinting they expect to be invited, but when they hear we’re having a destination wedding, they act offended. Like we’re doing this to them rather than for our own reasons. 

We knew it would mean not everyone would/could come, and that was a bonus for us. We want to do something more relaxed with a wider group of friends later, but keep the actual wedding super small and intimate.

However, if someone did presume in such a way, I’d say something like, “We should definitely get together sometime so I can show you pictures!” and then be willfully obtuse. If they had the bad manners to press the point after that, I’d say “We’re just including a handful of people, but I appreciate your good wishes!”

I think anyone who showed up without an invitation should be dismissed as a friend. Straight up. 

Post # 13
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I said “I’m so sorry we’d love to have you there but we have a firm cap at 50 and can only invite immediate family and close friends.” Everyone has respected it except one acquaintance who I haven’t seen in 8 years who was shocked as he thought we were “best friends” and couldn’t believe he wasn’t invited.

Post # 14
6435 posts
Bee Keeper

madilynnnne :  Haven’t had this problem because we had a courthouse wedding, but as long as the people you’ve invited aren’t giving the address out to your wedding I don’t think any unviteds would show up.  I would tell people who are trying to invite themselves to your wedding that it’s a smaller affair and you can’t afford to invite more than what you’ve already done maybe?

Post # 15
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Yes people have been inferring that they expect to be invited. It has driven me up the wall. I change the subject. To sidestep anyone who plans on showing up anyway, I don’t give out the date. Just the month and that’s it. 

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