Post # 1
So my cousin got married 3 years ago and is now divorced. She put her parents in debt (who is still btw paying off credit cards like crazy) and is now planning her second wedding. Last i heard she moved her wedding date to september. ( no big deal, mines in october so its a good enough distance from the two). And every since i heard she is planning her second wedding, i have felt like my spot light is gone. Now im a middle child of three so youd think id be somewhat used to it be taken. Like the oldest gets the responsiablity, the middle gets shunned, and the littlest gets 95% of the attention. Now i get really care about any of that but when it comes to my wedding, i kinda want people to be talking about for awhile. Ever since i heard, ive tried talking to her about her wedding, even tried helping her out with ideas or really anything. Turns out from what my mother said, shes a self centerd person who doesnt care about anyone else. I think im starting to see that. Oh and on top of it all, shes doing the exact same thing for the ceremoney flowers, im… or i guess… WE are doing mason jars with flowers inside, hanging from the pews….
Would anyone else be kinda frustrated too?
Would you feel like your spotlight is gone?
Post # 3
Unless she starts talking badly about you or to you, you should let it go. Whether she is self-centered or not should have 0 effect on how much you enjoy your own wedding, and since she hasn’t done anything to you you should not worry about it.
One of my cousins got engaged like 2 months after me and is getting married 3 weeks before me–I am so happy for her! Yes, after she got engaged she got the spotlight for a while, but I had my time, and really people can’t stay continuously celebratory for you til the wedding. There are so many things to stress over with planning a wedding, don’t let this be one.
Post # 4
I think you’re taking it too personal. She may be self-centered, but that shouldn’t affect any of your plans or your wedding day. Let it go and enjoy your planning.
Post # 5
@bearlove: I agree. As I’ve read on here so many times…you get one day…that’s it. Any more is just bonus.
Also the fact that her parents are still paying off credit card debt from her wedding has no bearing on her having a second wedding. In fact it just makes me think that they obviously went overboard and paid way more than they could afford and is a reflection on them not her.
Post # 6
I would feel like my spotlight is being taken to a degree but in the end of the day once her wedding is over people will be turning their attention to you and you will get your day regardless of when her wedding is.
Post # 7
I think you’re being too sensitive. As others have said, your wedding is most important to you and you only get one day to be in the spotlight. While it would be nice if the two of you were closer and could enjoy sharing the planning together, if that’s not the case please don’t let it spoil your own enjoyment.
As for the mason jars+flowers issue….well, probably 10,000 other brides are doing the exact same thing, it’s a trend right now…but very pretty, heck I’m likely to do it myself 😉 I don’t think that means that she’s “stealing” your idea or your thunder. It’s just a good idea that you both happened to have.
Post # 8
The only thing that would bother me is her using the same ideas if you shared them with her. Then again if you share them be prepared to see them at her wedding too. If she came to the idea on her own then just take it as a compliment of your tastes. I doubt people will even remember the aisle decorations longer than that day. Mason jars with flowers are pretty popular. It’s like they are the new pew bow among the rustic wedding set.
Post # 9
Wow! That sounds exactly like my SIL. She was married about 2 years when she got divorced and then got engaged within a year later a few months after us, then set her date a few months before us. But, it didnt bother me at all. We got engaged and had already had our plans in motion before and just went on with everything we were planning. I guess it helped that we had totally different taste so there was no worried on a similar wedding. But the spot light thing never existed for me, I never really talked about the wedding stuff all that much.
Post # 10
Do you think part of it is your feelings on (presumably) her remarrying so soon again? I know it isn’t the “right” thing to do, but I’ve had a friend get engaged and her divorce has only been finalized for a few months (she got married in 2010 the first time and is getting married again this year) and I’ll be 100% in that I did raise an eyebrow… whether that is the “right” reaction or not or whether people judge my reaction or not.
I also think that you need to take a step back and realize that people probably ARE raising some eyebrows, whether they’ll cop to it or not. I also think it’s sad that her parents are still having to pay for a wedding from the past. I truly hope she isn’t expecting them to pay for it again. But at the end of the day, it’s her choice and she’s going to do what she wants.
Your wedding will be special. Don’t share ANY more details with her (or people that would tell her) if you are concerned she will do that awkward “your idea was so cute I just had to use it!” thing.
Post # 11
You have a right to feel however you feel. You can vent here, it is okay. I don’t think anyone can tell you how they would feel if they were in your shoes- only you are in your shoes. My best advice though, is to be proactive about communicating what you want and need from others so that you can get what you want and need out of your own experience.
Post # 12
thanks for all the helpful advice 🙂
Post # 13
If she is doing the same, maybe you can save some money and use her jars and just change them up a bit. =D