(Closed) *RANT* about FMIL and the kids

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46331 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unless it was my daughter’s birthday, I would be drawing limits for this woman.

 She either buys for them both or not at all.

She is an adult and should know how hurtful this would be for your son.

Also time for your Fiance to grow a set.

Post # 6
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You have GOT to be kidding. Who does that?! I totally agree with telling her what is up. If that doesn’t work, I’d totally send back all daughter only presents (obvs without your little girl knowing) with cheerful notes saying things like “Hey MIL! Thanks for littlegirl’sname gift, but, like we discussed, husband and I only give gifts to both kids!” then I’d mentally shoot flames at her. Good luck! She sounds like a gem! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@An Alaskan Bride: This. How can ANYONE think it’s okay to ignore a child’s existence. Blood or not, you are still family!

Post # 10
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Zinzerena: Good for you! These people are grown adults, and they should know well enough to treat two children the same! She wouldn’t have her granddaughter and the little girl’s friend over but just give the granddaughter a treat…wth lady?!

Let them know, clearly and specifically, that they’re wrong and you will not tolerate it, and then I’d follow @An Alaskan Bride:‘s advice and return any singular gifts. What a piece of work. 

Post # 12
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um, I’m going to go against the grain here. I think its important to show kids that you love them equally, but I don’t think it always has to be silmultaneous. In fact, I think kids really appreciate being singled out for love an attention, and it helps them thrive. Also, being the child who does not get a gift helps teach them that they are not the center of the universe.

By the age of 9, I think its ok to give one a present and not the other. However, I think its important that at some point in the future, the little boy gets something special from grandma. Maybe not a toy of exact dollar value, but maybe an afternoon off school where grandma picks him up and do something fun.  

Does that make sense? I’m not saying its ok to ignore one kid… (I hope this isn’t read the wrong way)

Post # 14
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

My grandmother did a similar thing when my siblings and I were younger. My sister and I were adopted. My parents are white, brothers are white, my sister and I are black. She was upset that they adopted black children. So she would give my brothers Christmas presents, etc, but nothing for us. She would send them in the mail. My parents were not about to deal with this, so they just didn’t give them the presents. None of us knew about this until we were older adults. We also didn’t see my grandmother when we were younger. She eventually got over the whole black thing we were allowed to see her. She was extremely nice to us and loves us now… but finding that out was really sad for me.

I agree with you that your FI’s mother should not be showing favortism based on your daughter being from another marriage. That’s just ridiculous! I would say the same things to her if I were you. Good luck! Maybe talking to her will make her realize how damaging that can be to a kid. Plus, your Fiance loves your daughter just as he does your son. If he doesn’t have a problem with it, neither should she!

Post # 16
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My father’s mother was the same way.  She favored my older cousin because she was her first grandchild.  She would take her places and buy her stuff and my sister and I never got anything.  When my cousin graduated from high school, she got a brand new car.  My sister and I didn’t even get a freaking card. 

This is totally unfair to your son and it will create resentment.  Even if she prefers shopping for girls or doesn’t have any idea what to get for boys, couldn’t your Future Father-In-Law buy stuff for you son?  Or help her pick out boy toys?

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