Post # 1
My future sister-in-law is getting married almost exactly one month before we are (that’s a whole story for another day!!). She is my fiance’s only sister, and he wanted her to be in our wedding. She and I are no BFFs, that’s for sure, but I was willing to put her in the wedding party because a) she is his only sister, b) he asked me to, and c) she is super spoiled, dramatic, and a total child, and it would have been WWIV in their family (WWIII occurred when she decided that she HAD to have a certain location (that she had, at that point, never even seen in person) that was only available the week before our wedding. Sorry, no, not happening.
Anyway, she is a bridesmaid in our wedding. I never expected (nor wanted) to be in her wedding. HOWEVER, as her only brother, my fiance was pretty expectant that he would be in her wedding. We have come to find out that he is not. Now, its not like they are having a tiny wedding party; she has NINE bridesmaids. We also found out that her fiance is one short, with only eight, yet her brother is not in it.
He is really hurt and I feel very bad for him. Are we out of line to expect that he would be in the wedding? Of course I would not “kick her out” of ours, but it really irks me that she is in ours and she did not have the tact to ask him to be in hers (also, her fiance’s two sisters are bridesmaids). In the end, I think she is the one who is going to look bad, as their whole family will see her in ours and him not in hers.
Post # 3
That is super tacky. He should say something. You’re right that she’s the one who will look bad, not you or your Fiance. Sorry sweetie!
Post # 4
I’ll trade you one of my bridesmaids (my spoiled, ignorant & selfish cousin who ALSO decided she needed to move her (2nd) wedding from next year…to a month exactly before mine) for your spoiled, ignorant & selfish FSIL? That way we can both get rid of our worst wedding nightmares and no dresses are wasted 🙂
Post # 5
I understand his hurt feelings. I have seen weddings where a sibling isn’t in a bridal party though (usually opposite gender) – my friend’s brother was their MC, for example, rather than a Groomsmen. I’d be hurt too especially considering all the drama she has caused AND the massive bridal party, but there’s not much you can do about it now. Just be polite I guess 🙂
Post # 6
The thing is, he will probably never say anything. Their family is a bit…odd when it comes to these things. Everyone is really worried about setting the sister off, so they all walk on eggshells so she doesn’t blow up. Its really quite ridiculous.
After the drama of the dates, his mom even went so far as to send an e-mail asking him to make sure to ask me to be nice to her as a bridesmaid. She didn’t want my friends and sister being “mean” to her because, and I quote, “she will quit the wedding.”
Post # 7
@yelsha439 Well said!!!
I think he needs to say something to her. After all, they are brothers and sisters and should be able to tell each other any thing even if it’s not etiquitte to ask if you can be a Groomsmen. He needs to say something along the lines as “Hey you are one short of a Groomsmen, I think I should be in that position”. Easier said than done I suppose…
Post # 8
Maybe you should be mean to her so she does quit the wedding 😉 I kid… kind of. She sounds lovely!
My first suggestion would be to have him talk to his mother or (if your close with her) drop a hint that it really hurts his feelings that he is not in his sisters wedding. If she is going to take sisters side (which it sounds like she might) then my second suggestion would be to let him know how deeply sorry you are that his sister is so selfish and take your Fiance out to do something fun and show him why he is marrying you, because you are going to be his pick-me-up when he is down.
Sibling weddings near one another are so stressful and if she is going to be like that she is going to act that way the rest of your lives. Stay at a distance and try to invite her into your life as little as possible once the wedding is over. No one said you had to like her you just have to deal with her.
Post # 9
I was surprised when my brothers wife who I had barely met asked me to be a bridesmaid. It was the most awkward experience for both my Fiance and I. I knew NO ONE AT ALL on either side of the bridal party, he hadn’t met anyone in my family as of then, and he was sat at a table with my whole family while I was sat with people I didn’t know at the head table.
For our wedding, we have having 8 each, and siblings both Mine and his aren’t in the party. My parents weren’t happy but we stuck to it. Fiance barely knows my bro (and my bro has never warmed up to him) and while I know my Future Sister-In-Law better… we’re not really “friends.” We decided to keep it even and just say, No sibs. We are involving them in other ways that to me, mean more than being in the wedding party.
Does her groom have siblings in the party? Bottom line, if he’s hurt then I would def. say he needs to talk to her.
Post # 10
I feel your pain… I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be in the wedding out of what I felt was etiquette. BIG MISTAKE! She acted really excited at first but dropped out right when the dresses had to be ordered because she expected me to pay for the dress…
It was $99 :/
Why are FSIL’s such a PAIN!?
Post # 11
@MsBrooklynA: I can’t wait until we both decide to have kids…that will be just fantastic. At this rate, we will end up pregnant at the same time.
@KLP2010: Yes, his two sisters (he has no brothers) are both bridesmaids. All in all, it seems like she makes a lot more effort with his family than her own. She is much nicer to her friends and FIs family than her own parents and brother.
At Christmas, she pouted for two days and would not talk to anyone aside from one word answers, because, as we later found out after her dad finally forced her to talk, no one paid enough attention to her. SHE IS TWENTY-SIX!!!
The story that really takes the cake, however, is when Fiance and his parents were visiting her (she lives out of state) a few years ago. They were helping her set up her classroom near the beginning of the school year, and she got mad at them because they weren’t doing it right. The fight escalated to the point where she kicked them out of her apartment and made them get a hotel for the night. Who in the hell does that???
Post # 12
I’m sorry you and your Fiance are going through this. How horrible to not have your brother in your wedding. That was the most important thing to me. Obviously, her priorites are not with her own family. I agree that he needs to say something to her.
And if I were you, I would do what it took for her to “quit” the wedding, though I’m sure it wouldn’t take much. I would be worried that she would be trying to steal the spotlight on your wedding day. If she won’t talk to her family for 2 days because they didn’t pay enough attention to her, how is she going to react when all the attention is on you? I hope that doesn’t happen, but it could be something to be concerned over.