(Closed) Rant! annoyed/ hurt by FSIL

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I say, she is showing you how she wants to be treated so treat her that same way when it is her turn. Otherwise, why don’t you call her and tell her how you feel? Maybe she isn’t realizing that she is hurting your feelings and doesn’t realize how much you want her to share these experiences with you.

Post # 4
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’re right to be hurt by her, becuase she’s acting like she doesn’t care.  But just let it roll off your shoulders and try to ignore it.  If it really bothers you, have your Maid/Matron of Honor handle it, since the shower is supposed to be her responsibility, not yours. 

Post # 5
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MAURINA:  Do you think she actually knows what a shower is?  I’m wondering if she’s sort of confused as to why you would want her there.

I get why you’re hurt and I would be too.  Personally, I dislike attending and being the guest of honour at showers.  I go because I know it’s important, but I find them super awkward.  I would, however, never tell my friends that.  She’s being oddly dismissive and I would probably talk to her to find out why.

It sounds like she just wants to show up to the wedding, in her dress, and have a good time.  If she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it’s odd that she’s not involved in the planning of the shower at all…or at least that she doesn’t know the date.  Could she be feeling left out?

Not to dismiss your feelings (they are definitely valid) but it sounds like she’s got a lot going on right now with her FI/BF.  I would call her (don’t text…this will get lost in the writing) and let her know that you’re concerned about her.  Tell her that her reaction to your shower, which you are really excited about and were looking forward to her attending, hurt your feelings and seemed really out of character.  Just ask if anything is wrong.  You might be surprised at her response.

Post # 6
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think your feelings are justified. But in reality, there’s nothing you can do about her behavior. Don’t let it ruin such a special event in your life! If she chooses not to attend, it’s her loss. You’ll have a great time no matter what! She may not realize how important these things are to you, and she may not realize until she starts planning her own wedding. I have a bridesmaid who has made it seem as though I’m inconviencing her every time I even talk to her, and it really hurts my feelings. I truly don’t know why she wanted to be a part of the wedding if she was going to act this way. But I can’t change the way she acts or feels, so I’m not going to let it ruin my happiness during this time!

Post # 7
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How old is she? Seriously? Because the conversation you had would perhaps be the kind of thoughts that 18-20 (maybe even 21) year old me would have had. If it didn’t include my SO of the time or a good party I really wasnt interested. However, I did realise what my responsibilities were so if I really had to be there I would, regardless of my feelings.

Another perspective is that she lives 3 hours away… If I was asked to travel a 6 hour round trip for two different parties, for the same person, I would probably have to choose one – and it would definitely be the bachelorette.

With that being said, I also agree with @ArwenBride:.

Post # 8
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

When she asked what is it, part of your answer was Duh! That’s rude so are you always this rude when she asks a question? 

If I want someone to do the whole wedding thing with me I wouldn’t be rude especially when there’s no need to be. Being polite doesn’t cost anything.

Post # 9
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

How old is she?? She sounds like a very self centered young girl. Treat her the way she treats you. Tell her that if she doesn’t get sized/order her dress by X date, that you’ll need to ask someone more responsive and responsible to be in the wedding party.

Post # 10
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Did we all read the same post? 

Post # 11
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You have a right to be hurt. Some people just aren’t interested in these things. and she seems like she didn’t even know what it was, sounds young and immature I say let it go, I wouldn’t want anyone who didn’t want to be at my bridal shower there.

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