(Closed) RANT: Family traditions (when to honor, when to say no)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I feel that it is very important that you and your FH make your decisions together, then inform your families what you have decided.  Letting them in the loop of decision making breeds conflict.  They asked, and you politely declined.  As far as your post reads, they are being very unreasonable.  You don’t have to carry out every family tradition, especially if your FH’s mothers wasn’t involved in the tradition either.  It seems like they are making a move to exclude her somehow (I could be reading into that).  I would be wary of anything that his family demands on you.  It’s your choice, stick to it!

We were always very independent with our decisions, so no one really pushed anything on us.  But we were very open to including any traditions too (our families didn’t really have any).  I think that it will take some careful navigation for you both, and just remember if it is really important to you, don’t compromise on it.  If it’s not that important, just go with it.  It’ll help keep the peace.

PS-Is the figurine breakable?  Because it would be a shame to see it broken by the children you were forced to have in the wedding party…Wink

Post # 4
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I totally understand about not wanting to include traditions without meaning to you. I would probably just grin and bear it, take a few pictures with it to appease the angry aunts and be done with it. No display at the reception, just a couple pics with the photographer, and make someone take it back and put it away!

Then, of course, you’ve got the next few holiday gifts taken care of for said aunts.. Frame one of the said pics, make them a magnet, mug, mousepad.. haha ok, now I’m just joking. But that’s probably what I would do, just to save my sanity from the nagging of the aunts.

Post # 5
348 posts
Helper bee

The request itself doesn’t seem so unreasonable, so if you are looking for a way to keep the peace, you could easily take a picture or two with it (no need to put it out at the reception).  It would take an extra 3 minutes, not a huge deal.

It sounds like, however, the bigger issue is that you feel pressured on an ongoing basis, and have chosen this request to draw your line in the sand with.  In that case, I think it’s important that you stick to your guns, but articulate it not as “I had this particular idea,” but rather as “while I am happy to be incorporating so many of your family traditions already, I can’t do everything, and this is what I’ve chosen not to do.”  And, of course, your fiance needs to be supporting you on this (or else you need to discuss it with him until you both agree).

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