Post # 1
Ok, so I am a causal type of person myself. I like a good t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes as much as the next person. But when FH shows up for a double date in a old tshirt and ripped jeans!?!? Ugh…Thats all he wears. Ugly old tshirts, dirty old man white tennis shoes (he refuses to get some that the dirt will blend into) and jeans that should be “working outside jeans”. It is embarrassing to show up to a date, church or party and him just wearing crap. I helped him pick out comfortable NICER tshirts – nope. They would work for almost anything “nicer”… Wore them once. Its not like I am asking for a suit and tie. Sometimes even a newer nice shirt will work. But nope – gotta wear the one with holes in it or its so worn out you can’t read it. We went out on the double date (dinner at a fancy place and a Christmas play) and I dressed up and he came and picked me up in a shirt that shouldn’t even leave the house. I didn’t say anything – I’ve tried – but I didn’t want to be seen next to him. The other guy that came with was so nicely dressed – more than I would expect FH to dress – and mine? He doesn’t even care. Plus he licks his fingers if he gets food on them and then burped at the table! I love him a ton, but manners and hygiene are lost on him. Took me months to get him to even wash his hands after using the bathroom or before eating….His thought was that he didn’t touch anything so why wash?! Uh…One you were in a bathroom or two we just walked around a store. Just because you didn’t touch anything doesn’t mean you dont need to wash your hands. Ugh.
We have Christmas parties with MY family coming up and I am so afraid he will burp at the table, lick his fingers and show up in ratty old clothes. I am not sure what to do….It wouldn’t take much – wash your hands, don’t burp at the table, use a napkin and wear a nicer shirt. Even a T-SHIRT would be ok half the time. Just try to have a little pride in yourself.
Post # 2
Oooof. I’m glad you really love him, because bad hygiene would be a real deal breaker for me. I think you’ve gotta be really blunt and harsh about it with him, honestly. Tell him it’s disgusting and embarrassing for you. I’m not saying be really cruel, but maybe a little damaged pride will help him realize that his habits are gross.
Post # 3
“Took me months to get him to even wash his hands after using the bathroom or before eating
” — What? Is he saying he’s able to piss without touching his dick, or is he talking #2 and he doesn’t wipe? WTH? Seriously. Bee, you have to realize you will never change him. This is who he is. You might think you got him to wash his hands after using the bathroom, but we all know he only does it when you’re watching. He’s not going to change. You’re going to spend the rest of this relationship being embarassed and making exuses for him.
Post # 4
Hygiene and manners are an absolute deal breaker in my book. Have you had a calm and rational conversation about how his manners and personal hygiene habits reflects badly on both of you? Possibly explain the negative social consequences of this? He’s a grown man and shouldn’t need to be told this stuff but then.again the threads that show up around here about men not wiping or washing their butts blow my mind.
Post # 5
This is something you have to accept. It’s not going to change. You can explain to him that this is something that is very important to you, and can he please make the sacrifice for a few hours at a party for you. But ultimately, he isn’t going to understrand why you care about looking nice any more than you can relate to his lack of concern. I 100% get where you’re coming from, but it’s not fair to be mad at him for being who he has always been.
Post # 6
Do you live together? For some reason my husbands clothes with holes in them disappear while in the laundry. Darndest thing.
Post # 7
That’s pretty gross all around. If you are in this for the long haul, at the very least put your foot down when company is involved. He’s taking you to dinner? Refuse to leave the house until he’s wearing something respectable. Someone is coming over for the night? Put on a T-shirt that’s not holy or he can stay in his room. Clothing makes the man (or woman or whatever) and he’s telling the world that he doesn’t care about himself or, frankly, about you either. I doubt he means to send that signal but it’s the same one as the sloppy woman in frayed filthy pajama pants at the store is sending – ‘I just don’t care about myself’. (some may disagree with me or call me judgy, I’m not interested).
Post # 8
I’m a little confused on how you started dating in the first place if this is how he’s always been? How did a man who you are embarrassed to go out with manage a second date?
Is this newer behavior?
I think it’s time for some brutal honesty here. Tell him it’s embaressing to be seen with him and that he needs to start dressing appropriately for when you go out. I’d be tempted to just throw all the ratty t-shirts out, probably not the correct thing to do but I’d really consider it.
Post # 9
Not washing hands after the bathroom is how e.coli and hepititus get spread. I would have ZERO TOLERANCE for that!! His laziness could kill you. And it’s disgusting. Every time he hugs you he wipes his fecal matter all over you.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
If he shows up in awful clothes, refuse to go out. It sounds like you’ve tried buying him nicer clothes and he won’t have a bar of it, so more drastic measures are called for. If you don’t live together, keep a nice shirt or two and a pair of jeans at your place; when he shows up to collect you looking like he’s homeless, simply say “I am embarrassed to be seen with you in those clothes and won’t be leaving the house until you put these on.” If you can put a positive spin on it – “you look so nice when you dress well” it might help?
My Darling Husband doesn’t have the greatest dress sense, bless him, and likes being casual, but the difference is that he’s willing to listen to my opinions. He’ll complain when I tell him that he does need to wear a suit to one of my friends’ weddings, but he wears it! It also helps that I make sure to compliment him on how good he looks when he’s wearing anything other than old jeans and a ratty t shirt and this paid off the other day when he met me after work to go out for dinner and had bothered to put on nice jeans and a shirt that I’ve told him he looks great in, without me even saying anything.
Post # 11
same with mu husband’s old clothes…it’s like the laundry elves just get to them o_O
Post # 12
We must have the same laundry elves. But, ours not only take old, dirty, holey…but they have been known to mix light colors with reds that bleed. They must have a love of pink on men.
Post # 13
There is a differnece between not having a good sense of styel and just being a slob. This sounds pretty exteme, especially when you add in the hygene issues. I mean, at some point your just refusing to be an adult. Doesn’t telling him to wash his hands make you feel like you’re his mother? Pretty unappealing IMO.
I agree with KiwiDerbyBride :
, if this really bothers you then you should refuse to go out with him. If he gets the picture, then great. Hopefully it’ll stick. If not, then you probably aren’t well suited to be partners.
Post # 14
How did he become your Fiance if he had these issues that bother you? The handwashing thing is interesting. It’s good he came around for that if it’s true that he’s made a change. Have you asked him why he dresses the way he does?
Post # 15
don’t marry this man!
Bees does anyone have a link to the traumatizing thread about the husband who never cleaned or bathed or anything?