RANT – FH dresses horrible + some — any advice?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Oooof. I’m glad you really love him, because bad hygiene would be a real deal breaker for me. I think you’ve gotta be really blunt and harsh about it with him, honestly. Tell him it’s disgusting and embarrassing for you. I’m not saying be really cruel, but maybe a little damaged pride will help him realize that his habits are gross. 

Post # 3
Member
8937 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
whatevergift410 :  “Took me months to get him to even wash his hands after using the bathroom or before eating” — What? Is he saying he’s able to piss without touching his dick, or is he talking #2 and he doesn’t wipe? WTH? Seriously. Bee, you have to realize you will never change him. This is who he is. You might think you got him to wash his hands after using the bathroom, but we all know he only does it when you’re watching. He’s not going to change. You’re going to spend the rest of this relationship being embarassed and making exuses for him.

Post # 4
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee

Hygiene and manners are an absolute deal breaker in my book. Have you had a calm and rational conversation about how his manners and personal hygiene habits reflects badly on both of you? Possibly explain the negative social consequences of this? He’s a grown man and shouldn’t need to be told this stuff but then.again the threads that show up around here about men not wiping or washing their butts blow my mind.

Post # 5
Member
3523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

This is something you have to accept. It’s not going to change. You can explain to him that this is something that is very important to you, and can he please make the sacrifice for a few hours at a party for you. But ultimately, he isn’t going to understrand why you care about looking nice any more than you can relate to his lack of concern. I 100% get where you’re coming from, but it’s not fair to be mad at him for being who he has always been. 

Post # 6
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

Do you live together? For some reason my husbands clothes with holes in them disappear while in the laundry. Darndest thing.

Post # 7
Member
6808 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

That’s pretty gross all around. If you are in this for the long haul, at the very least put your foot down when company is involved.  He’s taking you to dinner? Refuse to leave the house until he’s wearing something respectable.  Someone is coming over for the night?  Put on a T-shirt that’s not holy or he can stay in his room.  Clothing makes the man (or woman or whatever) and he’s telling the world that he doesn’t care about himself or, frankly, about you either.  I doubt he means to send that signal but it’s the same one as the sloppy woman in frayed filthy pajama pants at the store is sending – ‘I just don’t care about myself’. (some may disagree with me or call me judgy, I’m not interested).

Post # 8
Member
9998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m a little confused on how you started dating in the first place if this is how he’s always been? How did a man who you are embarrassed to go out with manage a second date?

Is this newer behavior? 

I think it’s time for some brutal honesty here. Tell him it’s embaressing to be seen with him and that he needs to start dressing appropriately for when you go out. I’d be tempted to just throw all the ratty t-shirts out, probably not the correct thing to do but I’d really consider it.

Post # 9
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

Not washing hands after the bathroom is how e.coli and hepititus get spread. I would have ZERO TOLERANCE for that!! His laziness could kill you. And it’s disgusting. Every time he hugs you he wipes his fecal matter all over you.

Post # 10
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

If he shows up in awful clothes, refuse to go out.  It sounds like you’ve tried buying him nicer clothes and he won’t have a bar of it, so more drastic measures are called for.  If you don’t live together, keep a nice shirt or two and a pair of jeans at your place; when he shows up to collect you looking like he’s homeless, simply say “I am embarrassed to be seen with you in those clothes and won’t be leaving the house until you put these on.”  If you can put a positive spin on it – “you look so nice when you dress well” it might help?

My Darling Husband doesn’t have the greatest dress sense, bless him, and likes being casual, but the difference is that he’s willing to listen to my opinions.  He’ll complain when I tell him that he does need to wear a suit to one of my friends’ weddings, but he wears it! It also helps that I make sure to compliment him on how good he looks when he’s wearing anything other than old jeans and a ratty t shirt and this paid off the other day when he met me after work to go out for dinner and had bothered to put on nice jeans and a shirt that I’ve told him he looks great in, without me even saying anything.

Post # 11
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
CanMurph :  same with mu husband’s old clothes…it’s like the laundry elves just get to them o_O

Post # 12
Member
1704 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

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feedthebeags :  We must have the same laundry elves. But, ours not only take old, dirty, holey…but they have been known to mix light colors with reds that bleed. They must have a love of pink on men.

Post # 13
Member
5874 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

There is a differnece between not having a good sense of styel and just being a slob. This sounds pretty exteme, especially when you add in the hygene issues.  I mean, at some point your just refusing to be an adult.  Doesn’t telling him to wash his hands make you feel like you’re his mother?  Pretty unappealing IMO.

I agree with 

View original reply
KiwiDerbyBride :, if this really bothers you then you should refuse to go out with him.  If he gets the picture, then great.  Hopefully it’ll stick.  If not, then you probably aren’t well suited to be partners.

Post # 14
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

How did he become your Fiance if he had these issues that bother you? The handwashing thing is interesting. It’s good he came around for that if it’s true that he’s made a change. Have you asked him why he dresses the way he does? 

Post # 15
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
whatevergift410 :  don’t marry this man!

Bees does anyone have a link to the traumatizing thread about the husband who never cleaned or bathed or anything?

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