(Closed) Rant: FI always travelling without me :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Travelling a bunch without you
    I'd be annoyed is FI was leaving every few months without me : (8 votes)
    30 %
    It's just jealousy, try to keep dealing with it : (7 votes)
    26 %
    That's a crappy situation, have a cooke : (12 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Ugh that does suck! I’m sorry 🙁 I’m not too sure if I have any helpful advice though. If you guys are struggling with money because of the economy then I would definitely say the trips need to be cut down, but I couldn’t tell if you guys were or that’s just why you can’t get time off. Just think how nice it is that your Fiance is a family man! Although, I would say the trip with 2 weeks in between seeing them is a little over the top. We usually go to see FI’s family every 3 months. Anyways, I hope it gets better and you can get more leave time soon!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it’s high time he balance his visits with staying at home with you. It’s great his family is important to him and that he is so loyal. But, as your Fiance and soon as your Darling Husband, it would behoove him to devote some of that family time toward, well, his own family, with you. While it may be “no big deal” to his family to leave a spouse behind, this time, that spouse is you who has been working hard to maintain, alone, for 2 years. I think you’re entitled to be feeling as you do. You’ve been very patient and understanding. I think he can throw some of that patience and understanding your way and the next trip that comes along he can politely decline with his family in order to be with you. He’s willing to take the backlash? Then hopefully, he will, and it won’t be so bad. Make it up to his family by throwing them a big party and make them all come to see you guys more. Good luck!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2135 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think it sucks, and I would be annoyed if I was in your position. However, at least you were always invited. That makes it a little better I guess.

    PS – I love your “have a cookie” option in the poll!

    Post # 7
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    The way Darling Husband and I look at it, once we were engaged, we were basically our own family.  Definitely once we were married, we make our plans on our own as our own family.  If one of our families wants us to do something with them, we often do, but if WE can’t, we don’t.  We make a decision based on what we want to do as a couple.  Very rarely do we leave the other behind, unless it’s a girls night out or something.

    So, IMO, he should definitely take your feelings into consideration, especially with finances being tight and you not getting much time off.  It sounds like he wants to, but his family is guilting him into going without you and even though you’re invited, it’s hurtful if they invite you knowing you can’t go.  It’s like offering ice cream to someone who is lactose intolerant. 😉

    If I were you, I would talk to Fiance more about it.  I don’t think he is being rude, but likely he is just not wanting to be in the middle.  However, it’s more important that his loyalty lies firstly with you.  If you can’t go, he should want to be with you first, and his family needs to start respecting that.  I would be very hurt if it was a regular practice to leave spouses behind if they can’t go under your kind of circumstances.

    Post # 8
    Member
    266 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I went with the cookie.

    You see him every day and while it’s unfortunate you cannot get off you ARE being invited. most bees come here because they AREN’T being invited. You WILL get time off eventually.

    I vote chocolate chip

    Post # 9
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @Luckygal5571: I don’t know I think with how upset you are right now he could definitely stay home with you. Family is important and it’s great they all love to see eachother but it sounds liek you are needing some extra support. I think if he already agreed to stay home, you should just let him know that you need him right now 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    840 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    how long do these visits last? does he visit them for a couple days, weeks, or months…? if it was anymore than a week or two, I would be quite bothered. ): especially if it happens quite often. and even more especially if I don’t even get vacations myself! it is a crappy situation, no cookies to hand out unfortunately.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I was in this situation last Christmas except that I was the one who went away. Fiance said that it sucked, but that it wasn’t my fault. It probably helped that I also really did not want to go. In the end, we compromised in that I still went, but I didn’t stay for the entire trip. Maybe your Fiance could do that? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1093 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It seems your FI’s family is all over the place, California, Texas, Oregon and Washington. I’m sure if everyone was in the same city as him the visits would be hours rather than days. These trips average every 2 months, how does your Fiance take that much time off work? There are a few things that don’t work in your favor. He’s very close with his family, they are spread out over several states, you’re not able to take a few days (week?) every 2 months if you don’t want to lose your job.

    The only thing I can suggest is if he can be a bit choosier on the visits. I can understand the family reunion and visiting the ill aunt and uncle. His mother is going to have birthdays every year, is he going to be there for ALL of them? His brother may have several more children, is he going to want to see ALL of them right after being born? This not only is costly but it takes time away from you and his children (in the future). Maybe he’s going to see his brothers new baby (you said everyone is going) so he’ll be able to see additional family. Other than him wanting to see more family members the trip to Texas is not making to much sense since they’re coming to visit in a few weeks.

    I say talk to him and ask him to cut back on his family trips. Hey, I’m all about the family, your family (you and future children). I have an ex who chose to spend alot of time with his family rather than with me and his son. It’s hurtful.

    The topic ‘Rant: FI always travelling without me :(’ is closed to new replies.

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