Post # 1
He’s off for a five days to see his family again. This time his cousin had a new baby and everyone is going up to see him.
Last time, 4 months ago, it was his borther’s new baby in Texas. 6 months ago it was the family reunion in Oregon, 8 month ago it was his mother;s birthday in Washington and at the end of December they’re (His WHOLE family) going to see his elderly aunt and uncle in Eureka, Ca as a suprise becasue they’re getting ill.
I’m always invited, but becasue of the economy I’ve lost two jobs in two years an am 6 months into this job and can’t take time off. Every time they plan something. I havent been able to take time off, as I’ve spent the last 2 years being the “new girl”
They’re planning a family trip in April and i’ve saving all my vacation time in HOPES I’ll get the time off, but I’m going to be so heartbroken if I don’t.
Me and Fiance have had this convo before, but his family is close and does things like this alot. If someone’s spouce can’t go they usually just leave them behind and call it “no big deal”. He says he would stay and take the backlash from them becasue he sees it hurts me so much, but I’m not sure if it’s OK for me to be hurt. Isn’t it just jealously and shouldn’t I get over it?
My family sucks and we don’t ‘do things’ together or even get each other presents. He is essentially my family. His family will be hurt if he doesn;t participate.
What really burns me is that they’re comong up to see US in 2 weeks, including the cousin with the new baby so this trip to me seems POINTLESS AAAHHHHH
Add that to the fact that I haven’t had a vacation in 3 years.
Ideas? Comments? Chocolates?
Post # 3
Ugh that does suck! I’m sorry 🙁 I’m not too sure if I have any helpful advice though. If you guys are struggling with money because of the economy then I would definitely say the trips need to be cut down, but I couldn’t tell if you guys were or that’s just why you can’t get time off. Just think how nice it is that your Fiance is a family man! Although, I would say the trip with 2 weeks in between seeing them is a little over the top. We usually go to see FI’s family every 3 months. Anyways, I hope it gets better and you can get more leave time soon!
Post # 4
I think it’s high time he balance his visits with staying at home with you. It’s great his family is important to him and that he is so loyal. But, as your Fiance and soon as your Darling Husband, it would behoove him to devote some of that family time toward, well, his own family, with you. While it may be “no big deal” to his family to leave a spouse behind, this time, that spouse is you who has been working hard to maintain, alone, for 2 years. I think you’re entitled to be feeling as you do. You’ve been very patient and understanding. I think he can throw some of that patience and understanding your way and the next trip that comes along he can politely decline with his family in order to be with you. He’s willing to take the backlash? Then hopefully, he will, and it won’t be so bad. Make it up to his family by throwing them a big party and make them all come to see you guys more. Good luck!
Post # 5
We’re ok, but If I got fired we wouldn’t be. I’m so scared of getting canned becasue it seems to happen to me an awful lot. I get the same thing “Not enough money in the budget, have to let you go” and I feel like crap.
I’m having a hard time at work right now and I could really use him here with me.
Post # 6
I think it sucks, and I would be annoyed if I was in your position. However, at least you were always invited. That makes it a little better I guess.
PS – I love your “have a cookie” option in the poll!
Post # 7
The way Darling Husband and I look at it, once we were engaged, we were basically our own family. Definitely once we were married, we make our plans on our own as our own family. If one of our families wants us to do something with them, we often do, but if WE can’t, we don’t. We make a decision based on what we want to do as a couple. Very rarely do we leave the other behind, unless it’s a girls night out or something.
So, IMO, he should definitely take your feelings into consideration, especially with finances being tight and you not getting much time off. It sounds like he wants to, but his family is guilting him into going without you and even though you’re invited, it’s hurtful if they invite you knowing you can’t go. It’s like offering ice cream to someone who is lactose intolerant. 😉
If I were you, I would talk to Fiance more about it. I don’t think he is being rude, but likely he is just not wanting to be in the middle. However, it’s more important that his loyalty lies firstly with you. If you can’t go, he should want to be with you first, and his family needs to start respecting that. I would be very hurt if it was a regular practice to leave spouses behind if they can’t go under your kind of circumstances.
Post # 8
I went with the cookie.
You see him every day and while it’s unfortunate you cannot get off you ARE being invited. most bees come here because they AREN’T being invited. You WILL get time off eventually.
I vote chocolate chip
Post # 9
@Luckygal5571: I don’t know I think with how upset you are right now he could definitely stay home with you. Family is important and it’s great they all love to see eachother but it sounds liek you are needing some extra support. I think if he already agreed to stay home, you should just let him know that you need him right now 🙂
Post # 10
how long do these visits last? does he visit them for a couple days, weeks, or months…? if it was anymore than a week or two, I would be quite bothered. ): especially if it happens quite often. and even more especially if I don’t even get vacations myself! it is a crappy situation, no cookies to hand out unfortunately.
Post # 11
Thank you all so much. I’m crying alone our apartment right now. I’m so stressed out this week becasue of work and I feel so alone.
In another life I’m going to have a super cool family like his and they are going to want me arrond and never again will I be the lonley girl alone in her apartment
Post # 12
I was in this situation last Christmas except that I was the one who went away. Fiance said that it sucked, but that it wasn’t my fault. It probably helped that I also really did not want to go. In the end, we compromised in that I still went, but I didn’t stay for the entire trip. Maybe your Fiance could do that?
Post # 13
It seems your FI’s family is all over the place, California, Texas, Oregon and Washington. I’m sure if everyone was in the same city as him the visits would be hours rather than days. These trips average every 2 months, how does your Fiance take that much time off work? There are a few things that don’t work in your favor. He’s very close with his family, they are spread out over several states, you’re not able to take a few days (week?) every 2 months if you don’t want to lose your job.
The only thing I can suggest is if he can be a bit choosier on the visits. I can understand the family reunion and visiting the ill aunt and uncle. His mother is going to have birthdays every year, is he going to be there for ALL of them? His brother may have several more children, is he going to want to see ALL of them right after being born? This not only is costly but it takes time away from you and his children (in the future). Maybe he’s going to see his brothers new baby (you said everyone is going) so he’ll be able to see additional family. Other than him wanting to see more family members the trip to Texas is not making to much sense since they’re coming to visit in a few weeks.
I say talk to him and ask him to cut back on his family trips. Hey, I’m all about the family, your family (you and future children). I have an ex who chose to spend alot of time with his family rather than with me and his son. It’s hurtful.