Post # 1
Ok, ladies I am pissed beyond belief! Straight to the point…I’m currently living overseas with my Fiance, we’ll return to the states in May for the summer. Fortunately we were able to take a trip back home for the holidays for a couple of days. My mother has been a big help in helping to secure the venue however, she got a little excited and decided to buy a ton of stuff without us even talking about it. Keep in mind my mother and I have different tastes and I was going for a certain theme. To my surprise when I arrived home she had already purchased:
the table linens(which are not even the right color)
My jewelry(i don’t even have a dress yet)
the guest book
the flower girls headpiece
the gift box
the thank you cards
the centerpiece decorations
and last but not least….MY FREAKING WEDDING DRESS!!!
Mind you she did not consult me for anything…my tastes, preferences nothing…Although i was completely overwhelmed i graciously accepted everything except for the shoes and the dress. I mean are you kidding me? I don’t even get to pick my own wedding dress? She had picked EVERYTHING else. When she presented the dress to me she blindfolded me and then made the disclaimer that she knew she had messed up she was going to fix it buy selling it. So all was well until I arrived back overseas and then the pressure came about the dress. Keep in mind she only bought the dress because she thought it was cute and it was on sale and fyi it’s about 3 sizes too big. So she thinks I should wear the dress just bc she purchased it and that I’m being unreasonable bc I don’t want to wear it. I explained to her that every girl dreams of her big day and I would prefer to pick my own dress as I will be the one wearing it…she tried to guilt me into wearing it, then the anger came then she finally decided that she didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore so since I can’t wear her dress maybe I should ask someone else to go dress shopping with me when I return home. She said she won’t be able to give me any positive feedback because she will be biased…WTF? Are you freaking kidding me? How selfish and controlling is that?
Keep in mind that I’m an only child and I’ve pretty much always done what she’s asked of me so I don’t understand why she won’t let me have my moment!!
I am freaking livid right now….Am I overreacting?
Post # 3
I would totally be livid. How can you buy for someone else’s event, unless you know exactly what you’re looking for?
However, as an unrelated party, I am a teensy bit amused. I guess that she was so excited?
Post # 4
Wow that is tough. But it’s your day and you have to tell her that you wanted to make those decisions. It was a nice gesture but it seems like she s planning her dream wedding.
Post # 5
You are not overreacting and I would be angry too. Your Mom clearly meant well, but she really overstepped her bounds. It is awesome that she wants to be so helpful, but she needs to know that she should always consult you and your Fiance before making any purchases, particularly something as big and personal as the dress. I am afraid I don’t have any advice on how to handle this, but I wanted you to know that I totally understand where you are coming from.
Post # 6
Thanks for the feedback ladies…I mean how did she expect me to feel? Oh and did i mention that she also bought my Fiance WEDDING ring because she also thought it was cute and she didn’t even know his ring size? I definitely made her return that! I mean come on…i love my mom dearly but back up lady!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I think it’s annoying but not necessarily selfish. It sounds like she just wanted to do everything she could for you. Sure, she didn’t execute things well but I think her heart was in the right place.
Post # 8
What on earth!? Did she have a wedding? Surely her mother didn’t buy her dress! So why would she think that she ought to buy yours? I think you’re being very gracious by accepting any of the things she bought, but at very least you need to be able to choose your own dress…
Post # 9
Wow. I’m so sorry you have to go through this … Maybe it’s time for a serious talk with your Mom? You said you had always gave into her wishes and well, maybe she thinks you give in cause you normally want what she wants?
I hope all of that stuff can be returned.
Post # 10
omg!!! i will freak out… my mother taste is i soooo different than mine… i will loose my patient and will freak out screaming and cursing… so dont worry you are not over reacting… talk to your mom and be clear to her … i will tell my mom that if she dont back up of the buying and planning she will be out of all the planning… i know that is rought but like i said thats me…
Post # 11
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Um, you are definitely not overreacting. In fact, I think you handled it well. I probably would have made her return EVERYTHING!
Post # 12
I’m currently living out of the country too and I can kind of relate. My mom and I are on totally different pages on wedding plans. On the flip side, I think it was very sweet of your mother to be so involved in the wedding process. You’ll see things in a whole new light if/when your mom has absolute no interest in your big day.
Although I understand that it would be annoying as heck if my dreams were pushed aside for hers on our wedding day, it seems like your mom really meant well. Perhaps you can communicate your wishes/ideas/visions for the wedding and ask her to maybe not purchase everything before talking it through together.
Regarding her response to you, I can’t say it’s really selfish or controlling. I think she was just overly excited then hurt by your reaction to her enthusiasm. I’m sure that’s all she sees it as, enthusiasm. At the same time I think she REALLY needs to start listening to what you really want and what’s going to make you happy on your big day.
Post # 13
You dealed with it better than I would have! Things would be flying if I was in that situation.
Post # 14
I do understand both sides of the coin and I am glad that she is excited and wants to be really helpful. I don’t think it’s selfish that she bought the things, I think it’s selfish that she won’t even participate now that I’ve decided not to wear her dress. That’s what bothers me the most! Most girls I know feel that it’s very important for their mothers to be a part of the dress picking process. It’s not like I have any sisters or anything that can go it’s always just been me and her. I understand that her feeling may be hurt but I tried to put it to her as delicately as possible. Besides, like I said when she presented it to me she said she had planned to sell it anyway. I just wish she could put her feelings aside and see the bigger picture for once. It’s just so frustrating…
Post # 15
While I think it is great that your mom is so excited and wants to help, I also think that she overstepped the line by purchasing all of those items without any feedback, well, participation from you. It’s also amazing how quick people can be at overreacting and then taking things to the opposite extreme. I hope that with some time to think about how things unfolded, she is able to see your side of the situation and remember what she said to you about the dress. I’d give it a couple of days and then try to talk to her again, and maybe even offer up very specific things you’d like help with, hopefully moving forward from there.
Post # 16
wow. i wouldn’t call it selfish, but more like total micromanagement. NOT cool!