(Closed) RANT!!! How selfish is this?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I would totally be livid.  How can you buy for someone else’s event, unless you know exactly what you’re looking for?

However, as an unrelated party, I am a teensy bit amused.  I guess that she was so excited?

Post # 4
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Wow that is tough.  But it’s your day and you have to tell her that you wanted to make those decisions. It was a nice gesture but it seems like she s planning her dream wedding.

Post # 5
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

You are not overreacting and I would be angry too.  Your Mom clearly meant well, but she really overstepped her bounds.  It is awesome that she wants to be so helpful, but she needs to know that she should always consult you and your Fiance before making any purchases, particularly something as big and personal as the dress.  I am afraid I don’t have any advice on how to handle this, but I wanted you to know that I totally understand where you are coming from.

Post # 7
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I think it’s annoying but not necessarily selfish. It sounds like she just wanted to do everything she could for you. Sure, she didn’t execute things well but I think her heart was in the right place.

Post # 8
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

What on earth!?  Did she have a wedding?  Surely her mother didn’t buy her dress!  So why would she think that she ought to buy yours?  I think you’re being very gracious by accepting any of the things she bought, but at very least you need to be able to choose your own dress…

Post # 9
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow. I’m so sorry you have to go through this … Frown Maybe it’s time for a serious talk with your Mom? You said you had always gave into her wishes and well, maybe she thinks you give in cause you normally want what she wants?

I hope all of that stuff can be returned.

Post # 10
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

omg!!! i will freak out… my mother taste is i soooo different than mine… i will loose my patient and will freak out screaming and cursing… so dont worry you are not over reacting… talk to your mom and be clear to her … i will tell my mom that if she dont back up of the buying and planning she will be out of all the planning… i know that is rought but like i said thats me… 

good luck…

Post # 11
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Um, you are definitely not overreacting. In fact, I think you handled it well. I probably would have made her return EVERYTHING!

Post # 12
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m currently living out of the country too and I can kind of relate. My mom and I are on totally different pages on wedding plans. On the flip side, I think it was very sweet of your mother to be so involved in the wedding process. You’ll see things in a whole new light if/when your mom has absolute no interest in your big day.

Although I understand that it would be annoying as heck if my dreams were pushed aside for hers on our wedding day, it seems like your mom really meant well. Perhaps you can communicate your wishes/ideas/visions for the wedding and ask her to maybe not purchase everything before talking it through together. 

Regarding her response to you, I can’t say it’s really selfish or controlling. I think she was just overly excited then hurt by your reaction to her enthusiasm. I’m sure that’s all she sees it as, enthusiasm. At the same time I think she REALLY needs to start listening to what you really want and what’s going to make you happy on your big day.  

 

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

You dealed with it better than I would have! Things would be flying if I was in that situation.

Post # 15
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

While I think it is great that your mom is so excited and wants to help, I also think that she overstepped the line by purchasing all of those items without any feedback, well, participation from you.  It’s also amazing how quick people can be at overreacting and then taking things to the opposite extreme.  I hope that with some time to think about how things unfolded, she is able to see your side of the situation and remember what she said to you about the dress.  I’d give it a couple of days and then try to talk to her again, and maybe even offer up very specific things you’d like help with, hopefully moving forward from there.

Post # 16
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

wow.  i wouldn’t call it selfish, but more like total micromanagement.  NOT cool!

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